Page 39 of June: When Gangstas Collide

I leaned down and picked up the paper that Z had tossed over to me. When I saw it was an ultrasound, I studied it. I saw two babies. It was really two fucking babies. The double hearts on them and the words below made my knees buckle. I was having twin fucking boys. My lips trembled as a sob fell from me. With everything that was going on, God knew exactly what he was doing. He knew I didn’t want boys, but to see I was having two of them, my heart felt warm. I didn’t think I would feel like this, but I did. God was breaking me down. He and Zaria had worked together to humble me and fast.

I glanced up at the door and ran to catch Zaria, but she was gone.

“Fuck!” I barked.

Did she really leave me? The one person I had in my corner walked away from me. Couples are supposed to argue; they are not always going to see eye to eye, but they should not leave each other. I grabbed my phone to call her, but she sent me straight to voicemail. I kept calling repeatedly until my phone went flying across the room. My chest rose and fell as I clenched my fist and swung, hitting the wall.

Pound. Pound. Left, right, left. “Ah!”

I shouted.

My eyes surveyed the empty house.

“Did she just leave me?”

I mumbled.

Zaria, my safe space, my forever person, left me alone with my fucking kids in her. She promised me and she broke that promise. I walked over to the couch, plopped down, and snatched the bottle from the table. I eased it to my lips and guzzled the sharp liquor. I stared at the ultrasound as tears came out of nowhere.

“My babies,” I cried.

I placed the bottle back to my lips and guzzled again, using the back of my hand to wipe my mouth. A nigga with no name, no family, and now no fucking wife. I was here to battle every fucking demon alone. I had come full circle to where I started, to those very same feelings I felt when I was back in California before anyone knew the secret of cancer I was holding in.

A king whose crown had slammed against the ground and broken in half. I was broken and didn’t know if I would ever be able to fix the broken pieces of me without Zaria. I guzzled more of the liquor as I stared off into the distance. “Zaria,”

I slurred.

“Za-Zaria!”

I yelled this time.

I could see King’s leaves moving. My head swung his way.

“Is this what you were trying to tell me, King? Huh nigga!”

I yelled at it.

The fucking monstera, the one plant that was supposed to be strong for a nigga, was dying by the day just as I was. A tear dropped for every headache I went through. A drop for my mother, a drop for my identity, and more drops for Zaria. I tried going to our universe, hoping she would be there, but there was nothing. I stuffed the picture of my kids in my pocket and jumped up from the couch. I staggered to the door and snatched my keys. “I’m,”

I cried.

“I’m coming, Z.”

She needed me just as I needed her. She was right, I had overextended myself, I had taken the outside world and brought it home. I had fucked up, even with Bishop. I was the cause of my own demise. I took one last guzzle from the bottle, dropping it to the floor before swinging the door open. My vision started to become blurry as I came out of the house.

“Zaaarriiiaa!”

I screamed.

My feet crisscrossed over to the Caprice and I popped the trunk to pull out my choppa. I cocked it back and made it down the driveway. “Z!”

I shouted.

Rat-tat-tat-rat-tat-a-tat.

My shoulders bounce up and down, sobbing like a fucking bitch because my wife had left me. “Zaria!”

I screamed again, hoping she would answer me somehow.

Rat-tat-tat-rat-tat-a-tat.

That’s when I could see the guys coming out of their houses.

“Nigga are you crazy!”

Diamond shouted.

My head swung his way. It was two of Diamond.

“Fuck you nigga! I want Zaria!”

Rat-tat-tat-rat-tat-a-tat.

Zeus came toward me, and I aimed my choppa at his ass.

“Don’t do it, big nigga!”

“Nigga are you drunk? What the fuck is your problem!”

Zu yelled.

I heard Harvey’s voice but couldn’t see her. “June!”

“Stop calling me that shit, it’s not my fucking name!”

Diamond came closer to me.

“Are you on drugs? Where is Zaria? Nigga, my baby is sleeping, and you’re out here showing your ass. Get the fuck back inside.”

I felt a pair of hands on me, and I swung.

“Fuck off me!”

“Chev, dawg, if you hit me, I’m going to shoot your ass,”

I heard Foe grit.

They begin pulling me toward the house, but I didn’t want to go back into that loveless fucking house. I wanted to go get Z. I wanted to bow out gracefully. I wanted her to know how much she and the babies meant to me, and that a nigga was sorry. I had never felt so low in my life, and I needed her. A nigga needed her bad.

“Zu pick his ass up, nigga,”

I heard Diamond.

My body lifted in the air as the street grew further and further away. Zu entered the house and tossed me on the couch.

“Chevy, sleep that shit off, man, and we can talk about it in the morning.”

I didn’t care about what none of them niggas were saying. I couldn’t fucking think. I was a man who walked around ruling the world, being able to manage every fucking thing, and I couldn’t manage to keep my woman from leaving me. As soon as the front door closed, I dropped my head back on the armrest of the couch and got lost in the ceiling.

Zaria had done her big one. She ripped a nigga’s heart out and took it with her. I heard the door open, and I shot up. Dizziness consumed me, but I didn’t care because if it was Z, I needed her to talk to me.

“Chevy, what the fuck, man!”

“Dionysus?”

I called out.

I felt the nigga kick at my feet.

“Get yo ass up!”

“Dio, you better check yo self nigga.”

“Or what, Chev? You’re going to kick me out of the Zoo? I knew something was wrong with Zaria earlier. I fucking knew it.”

Fuck did he mean? He knew. Zaria had confided in this little nigga and not me.

“Chevy, I don’t know what was said in this house, and frankly, I don’t give a damn. What I do know is Zaria loves you and I love her, and you better fix it.”

Dio came and sat next to me. His elbows touched his knees as his head swung my way.

“I would have never thought the day would come that I would see you sweat.”

He paused and pointed to me.

“Ok, Chev, your crown fell, but God built you for this shit. He chose you because you are a fucking king, nigga. We are here to protect you, not the other way around. I love you, Chevy, I do, but I love Zaria more, so whatever you've got to do, do it and rise the fuck up. Whatever it is you’re going through isn’t for no reason. Broken to rise stronger. You’re June Calloway.”

Tears fell from my eyes because it was Dio the nigga I was schooling while he was lying there dying, now schooling me. Dio was a rising king, and although I was hurt about Z, I was proud of him. I slid my hand down my face to wipe my tears.

He stood up from the couch, “I will check on you in the morning. Mars will stay the night with me.”

“Dio,” I called.

He turned to look at me.

“You’re the one.”

He shrugged.

“Nah, I’m just a God speaking life into a king.”

He walked out of the living room and then out the front door. I knew that I was down bad and I needed to get my shit together because I wasn’t giving the fuck up.

I didn’t know what to call my grandson after finding out the hard truths that Clark had shared. For years, I knew he had his ways, but the character I saw tonight was someone else. After hearing that Clark was such a monster, that he killed Grace, I felt horrible. To know she had a fighting chance, and he took that from her, tore me apart. He had already taken her son, now her life.

Tavaris leaned down over me.

“You two are fucked up like your daughter. You took that lady's son, and she took someone else’s son. She took me. Learned behavior, the shit is sick, and I hope you both get what you deserve.”

I closed my eyes tightly as the tears came out of me. There was no excuse for Clark’s and my behavior. His being the way he was to other people was one thing, but to his family was different.

I could see the sunrise as I sat in an imported leather chair in my living room. I was on my fourth glass of whiskey until the course taste was no more. Tears had been running down my face since my family dinner turned into an episode of Jerry Springer.

“I will give you the world, Cynthia. Trust me, Cynthia,”

I mumbled.

His size thirteen flats landed on the living room floor as he came closer to me.

“Let me explain,”

Clark’s voice said.

“No!” I cried.

“Cynthia, I’m sorry.”

He was lying. He wasn’t sorry. He wasn’t sorry at all. The day Grace pushed out that baby, and I watched her scream for her child, it hurt me, but I was following the man I thought had integrity. A man that I loved. A man who took me from the projects in Los Angeles and gave me a life I’d always dreamed of. Then he changed. The more money he got, the more I saw the change, but I ignored it.

When we moved to Toussaint, I thought things would change because we were starting over. Grace was getting back to her old self, Clark and James began working together and created the Black Prestige, and then just like that, things went south. The first thing was the money. It was coming in so fast. I asked Clark repeatedly where it was coming from, but he would never tell me, so I’d stopped asking. Then, it was Angela. When I saw that I knew Clark couldn’t be trusted, so I ran to the church. I prayed and prayed for God to deliver him, and it stopped. God had heard my prayer, I thought.

There were so many lies, so many secrets, and it only made me wonder what else he had been lying about. Through all of it, I had chosen Clark.

I didn’t bother to look at him because not only was I ashamed of myself, but also disgusted with him. My thoughts had consumed me so much that I didn’t realize that Tania was still here. After what happened, I knew none of my grandchildren wanted anything to do with me. She came around the chair and squatted in front of me, “We all messed up. I-I ruined my relationship with Indi,”

she cried.

I held her tightly because we had all ruined each other. Most of all, June.