Page 31 of June: When Gangstas Collide

When I drove to this side of town, my thoughts were to go see Bishop and somehow figure shit out because going another day without him, I didn’t know where that would lead me.

I was struggling badly.

Deep down, I knew my issues were bigger than having Bishop around because there was only so much he could do to help me.

The fact was, I needed to help myself first.

I didn’t want him to feel like he had to be Superman every time.

Tania’s words played on me so bad that disappearing felt like the only option.

By the time I got to the Cove, my nerves were so bad that I had become desperate.

I parked my car at a random spot and began walking.

I was in search of anyone who looked like they sold drugs.

While with Khas I never had to encounter outside people because he always had it on him, but with him gone and me on my own I didn’t know the first place to look.

The streets were cold and lonely.

I clung to my sweater because it had become a safe haven for me.

My body was starting to respond just as my mind had, that I needed something to take the edge off.

I stumbled upon a church.

What caught my attention were the sounds coming from it.

This had to be a sign that I didn’t need to go chasing what I wanted.

God had to lead me here. I was a bit hesitant, but stepped inside. The piano playing called to me. It led me further into the church, as if God was telling me to come to him. I started to cry because my soul was dying inside. I would have never imagined it would be me who would end up like this. I felt like an outcast, like I had reached the lowest anyone can go and no one understood me.

I wanted to be better and stronger.

I wanted to show everyone that going to the moon was merely a phase I got trapped in.

My spiritual body didn’t want to go back to the moon, but my physical body did.

When I approached the pews, there was a decent crowd as I spotted one of Clark’s friends preaching.

I stood there as his words simmered in me.

“God knows what he wants for you, but do you know what you want for yourself?”

he asked, pointing out in the crowd.

“It’s hard and every day will seem like a battle, but you have to know that if you choose to fight, he’s going to fight with you. Amen?”

“Amen,”

someone in the crowd said aloud.

That’s when his eyes landed on me. I scooted myself into the back pew to hear him. However, his eyes never wavered as he nodded at me.

“He sees you. He wants you to be the best version of yourself, but not forget about him in the process. We all have trials, even I do, but your faith is what’s going to keep you.”

Everyone began to clap, and the piano and drums came in on time, setting the tone for his words. That’s when I noticed Sage, the girl who had done my and Tania’s hair so many times, was behind the piano, letting her fingers love on the keys. The more she played, the more the tears streamed down my face. I leaned forward, placed my face in my lap and cried. I cried for everything because I was tired.

Moments later, I felt a hand on my back, and his voice soothed me.

“I don’t know what you’re going through, but know you're not alone. Your brother needs you, and you need him. God is waiting on you both.”

I let out a loud cry because all I wanted was peace.