Page 42 of June: When Gangstas Collide

Do I call him back? I thought to myself while I circled the condo over and over as my phone vibrated continuously with calls from June. Why did it have to lead up to me leaving him for him to want to sort things out? The phone had finally stopped vibrating, which let me know he had given up. I scooted over to the table to look at my phone and he had called one hundred times, but this time he left a message. My finger circled the voicemail button because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear his voice. However, I needed to know what he had to say.

Play. Baby, I need you to come home. Zaria, what type of shit you on? You’re out there with my sons in you. I thought we were better than this. Z, please. I-I can’t do this shit without you. I swear on my life if you don’t come back, I’m going to do some shit, some real bad shit, Z. *Sigh* I don’t even want to fucking hang up because it’s like saying goodbye. Can you at least meet me in our special place, please? *Cries* Zaria fucking Calloway, come home. If I have to come looking for you, this blue city will be fucking orange. You got my fucking kids, and you think I’m going to let y’all be out there without me, huh? This shit is forever Zaria ain’t no fucking—” *End*

June had talked so long that it cut him off. He didn’t sound sorry; he sounded as he usually did. He figured that talking to me like I was one of his niggas was going to get me to come back. I knew he would protect us, that wasn’t the issue. The issue was how many wars he was going to have to go through before he realized that he cannot win every one. When Bishop showed up at the house and they fought, I knew then that June had lost his mind. He knew that he was wrong in the first place, and because he couldn’t simply apologize or find a happy medium, I didn’t know what type of retaliation was next.

He didn’t respect how I felt yet wanted me to be understanding of his needs. He wanted me to be his queen yet treated me like we were courting. He wanted me to allow him to run amok, but didn’t want me to challenge his wrong actions. He wanted everyone to take accountability, but he couldn’t. He was given a second chance, one that many had been praying for, and he was taking it for granted.

I wasn’t expecting perfection from him because I knew he wasn’t perfect, but I did expect him to practice what the fuck he preached. My phone vibrated again, and it was Navi. I picked up, “Hello?”

“Zaria, where are you?”

I knew Navi wasn’t talking to the guys, but she was talking to Yana, and the way Yana loves Diamond, she would tell him anything and everything. So I decided to keep it brief.

“I’m safe. Are you ok?”

“I guess. Preach and I are done. Like done, done. He and I don’t see eye to eye. But you and Chevy, that’s different. Zaria, you are pregnant.”

I rolled my eyes because my pregnancy was the easiest reason they felt I should accept things I didn’t want to from June. He needed to learn, and this was the only way.

“He and I will figure it out at some point, but right now I’m ok. I’m not going back.”

I could hear her sigh as if it were her in my shoes.

“I get it, Zaria, I do. Well, you know Diamond and Rayana are christening Love Sunday. If you need this time for yourself, I get it because I need time for myself too. However, after Sunday, I’m leaving. I would love to see my sister before I go.”

I had forgotten all about the baby’s christening. I let out a sharp breath because I knew if I went, June would be there. I also knew I couldn’t run forever. I finished up with Navi and hung up. A text came in from Dio and then Samara. It was all too much, so I powered my phone off. All I needed was some time without anyone trying to sway me, meaning the phone had to go. I grabbed the keys and left the condo. When I got outside the building, I glanced up and down the street and noticed someone. My head flew back, “Synai?”

I called out.

She was coming up the street holding two little girls’ hands. They were so pretty. I immediately thought about my growing babies. When she saw me, she smiled but also looked nervous. I met her halfway, “Zaria, right?”

“Yes. What are you doing here? You are with,”

I paused because I remember Indigo telling me about the name before. “Bleek?”

I said, pointing.

Her smile faded.

“Was with Bleek. I had to leave because Tania just wouldn’t let up, and Bleek couldn’t juggle both his girlfriend and baby momma. I have my babies to look after.”

I nodded because Tania was a trip, but it was sad that her relationship didn’t work out because of her.

“Sorry to hear that.”

She smiled.

“No need to be sorry. Since Cortez, I’ve been trying to find happiness and I thought I found it with Bleek, the universe had other plans.”

“Cortez?”

I muttered.

The only Cortez I knew was the grimy ass nigga June and I had to put down. What were the odds that it was the same Cortez she was speaking of?

“Oh, I’m sorry. My daughter’s father. He wasn’t shit, though. Loved with his fist and not his heart.”

I glanced at the little girls, then at Synai.

“Did he happen to live in California?”

She looked at me curiously.

“Yes, he met some girl out there, and I guess he’s happy, and I don’t care. When you come from a violent relationship, you pray every day that it never happens again. When he left, I was happy, but I looked over my shoulder from time to time because one thing about him is that he doesn’t know when to let go.”

She was right about that. Although I wasn’t expecting to see anyone I knew here because Indigo said none of Bishop’s friends came here, I was happy to see Synai because I’m sure at some point I would need someone to talk to.

I hung up the phone after the hundredth time trying to call Z. At first, I figured she was mad and needed to sleep the night off, just as I did. We were halfway through the day, she hadn’t called, wouldn’t answer my calls, and I didn’t know where she was. It was taking everything in me not to drive to every hotel, homeless shelter, and look up every Airbnb to find her ass.

Zaria's feelings started to weigh on me. Here I thought I was doing the things she needed me to, but something fell through the cracks, and I fell short in my relationship. I had no one to blame but myself. I knew the right thing to do was to figure this shit out with Bishop, but the checker moves that nigga pulled on me fucked me up.

The guys had left, saying they would be back to check on me. My niggas still had lives outside of me. I wasn’t expecting them to stop their lives because mine was in shambles. I glanced around my house because I had destroyed everything in sight, from my walls having endless holes to the shattered coffee table. My head fell back on the couch as I thought about something happening to her and I wasn’t around. To even think about her being bawled up in a bed crying herself to sleep fucked with my head. I reached over to grab the blunt I had rolled. I put it to my lips and lit it.

Inhale. Exhale.

The illusion of Z appeared in front of me. Her big curly dark hair loosely fell over her eyes. Her perfect brown skin was always moisturized with shea butter. Her wide smile and quirky laugh. Z’s eyes rose slowly to me as they began devouring me. It was the same look she would always give me when she wanted a nigga to take her there. Now I knew I was losing my mind, but I would accept this piece of heaven even if it were for a few minutes.

Inhale. Exhale.

Zaria’s partially naked body swayed from side to side.

“You look so good in orange, baby,”

I muttered.

Inhale. Exhale.

I got more relaxed on the couch as my eyes began to lower.

Inhale. Exhale.

Her lips disappeared between her teeth as her hand slowly slid down her stomach. She patted her pussy.

Inhale. Exhale.

I nodded slowly as my eyes became fixated on the image in front of me.

Inhale. Exhale.

“Zaria, I’m sorry. I was frustrated, and I’m sorry.”

Zaria’s head dropped forward, and when she brought it up, she was crying.

Inhale. Exhale.

My lips trembled as her hand extended out to me. Suddenly, her stomach formed into a pregnant belly, and tears slid down the sides of my face. Zaria was my world, and a world without her was nothing. My shoulders began bouncing up and down as her illusion in front of me ripped me apart. I couldn’t sit on my ass any longer. I had to find her. I wiped my tears as I struggled to get up from the couch. When the doorbell rang, I nearly broke my neck trying to get to it, hoping it would be Z.

I swung the door open, but it wasn’t Zaria. Her dress was a deep red and looked like it had been painted on. She wore a pair of black high heels that gave her calves definition. She slowly turned around and smiled seductively. Her eyes tried to peek inside before she glanced at me. I could see her devouring every part of me as she stood there staring.

“Hi, Mr. Calloway.”

I grumbled.

“We don’t need an introduction. How the fuck do you know where I live?”

She snickered.

“You do buy consistently from my store. I came by because you usually place your order every Wednesday, and we didn’t get one this week. I wanted to make sure every—”

“My wife orders every Wednesday, not me. So why are you really here, Ms.? I would say Mrs., but it’s obvious you’re not married.”

She placed her hand to her chest.

“Snow. Nyomi Snow.”

“Tuh, Ok, Ms. Snow.”

Nyomi showing up at my house unannounced only agitated me. Of course, I wasn’t blind. I saw every snicker, googly eyes, every sway of her hips, and how she would mysteriously find her way from the back each time I came to her store. What she didn’t know was that I wasn’t that type of nigga. I may have fucked up with Z by some of my real nigga actions, but one thing I would never do is cheat on her.

Zaria gave me everything I needed. She replenished my soul, comforted me, took care of shit without asking, she was bearing my kids, and served a nigga vegan pregnant pussy daily. I was not lacking. If Nyomi thought showing up at my house was going to give her access to this king Calloway dick, she was about to learn.

Her eyes surveyed my body slowly. She was so focused on what she was looking at that she tripped forward, falling on me.

“Ooo, I’m sorry.”

“Lady, get your hands off me. I don’t know what kind of games you’re trying to play, but I don’t play games, nor do I fall into the trap of the Devil in a red dress. If you show up again at my house. I’m going to let Zaria, you know my wife, the mother of my children, serve you up a good dose of hot metal, sweetheart.”

I stepped back and closed the door in her face. Every day was becoming a test to my patience, and they had now run thin. I walked back over and snatched up my shirt. When I glanced at King, he was down to a few leaves. I knew King and I had the same energy. The more mine was depleted, his was as well. My doorbell rang again. Only my head swung this time, glancing back at the door. I slid my shirt on, walked back over to the door, but this time I grabbed my handgun from the drawer, cocked it back, aimed, and swung the door open.

“Didn’t I tell—”

I froze. I didn’t know how much I could take before a nigga lost his shit.