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47

JIMMY

We pulled up in front of the little blue house on Saturday, and for the first time all week, I felt a positive energy thrumming through my veins. Since the fight with Sammy last Sunday, it felt like I’d been walking around under my own personal rain cloud I couldn’t shake. I knew TJ had gone out to talk to him on Tuesday, but I hadn’t heard from him myself, and it was bumming me out more than I expected. But today, standing in front of my new home, it felt like the clouds were parting and the sun was shining. It felt like a fresh start.

“You ready to do this?” TJ asked as he came around his car to join me where I stood, admiring the house. He’d spent the night with me at the apartment last night, helping me finish up the last of the packing. And when it was all done, he’d pulled me into the bedroom and worshipped my body until we were both sweaty and sated.

He’d been amazing this week despite my gloomy attitude, which made me love him even more. Maybe it was time I told him. Time to let go of the bullshit holding me back. Or push through it. Whatever it took. He’d shown up for me time and time again, each time in exactly the way I needed him. Perhaps it was my turn to show up for him. Not because he needed me to. But because I was making the choice to.

“TJ, I need to tell you?—”

We turned as Jason pulled his truck into the driveway, loaded down with some of my furniture from the apartment. Zach and Drea rode along in the cab, waving as they parked and hopped out.

Perhaps this wasn’t the best time for that conversation, anyway.

“Love the house. It’s cute!” Drea said as the three of them approached us.

“Thanks. I’ll just get it unlocked, and we can get started.”

There wasn’t a lot of conversation after that as we got to work unloading boxes and furniture into the house. Around eleven, TJ ran to Casey’s and picked up a couple of pizzas. We ate them sitting on the floor since my couch and kitchen table were still back at the apartment. Jason, Zach, and Drea were going to make one more trip into the city for the rest of the furniture after we ate. Anything else that was left I would grab tomorrow when I went to pick up Lucy, do the final cleaning, and turn in my key.

I ate quietly while the others talked. Zach was in the thick of the season with the club soccer program he ran and shared how one of his games had gone last night. He had another one later this evening that he said would be a tough match.

Drea and TJ talked dance. Their students were attending a convention next weekend, so TJ would go into the studio on Tuesday to teach a couple of extra private lessons for students who would also be competing at the convention. Jason didn’t say much, interjecting here and there but mostly letting the others talk. We’d always been similar in that way.

As I sat in my new kitchen, eating gas station pizza on the floor, it hit me just how great my life was. I had a job I liked. A new house that would someday be mine to own. I had a great group of friends. I had Sammy. We might be on the outs, but I knew it was only a matter of time before we worked it out. We always did.

And best of all, I had a beautiful man who’d been unwavering in his devotion since the moment we’d started dating again. God, had it only been a few weeks? A month? It felt like we’d picked up right where we left off. I hated that I’d pushed him away five years ago. Because when I looked back, I could see it was me who made the choice to end us. He’d wanted to try to make it work, but I just hadn’t been able to see a way forward.

If I were honest, I thought the real issue was that I hadn’t believed he’d fight for me when things got hard. Because I’d known they would. And it hadn’t been an indictment on his character—he’d given me no reason to believe he hadn’t loved me and wouldn’t fight for me—but rather, it was my own belief that I hadn’t been worth the trouble. Clearly, I’d had some abandonment issues. Surprise, surprise. I likely still did.

I made a mental note to check in with my therapist this week. Between the breakup, TJ’s return, and everything else happening, I was probably due for an appointment.

Zach stood, and the rest of us followed, dusting ourselves off and picking up the trash. Jason, Zach, and Drea headed back out to the truck to head into the city, leaving TJ and me alone for the first time since we’d gotten here a couple of hours ago. He took my hand and pulled me toward the living room window that looked out over the yard and the woods beyond. The trees had dropped most of their leaves, but that didn’t matter. I still loved the view, loved having that slice of nature right in my back yard.

“I’m proud of you.” He stood with his arms wrapped around me and his head on my shoulder. I melted against him, the lingering tension surrounding all those feelings I couldn’t stop thinking about easing away.

“For what?”

“For taking this next step. For pushing forward no matter what curveball life’s thrown at you. Your strength and tenacity never cease to amaze me.”

For the first time in my life, I thought I might actually believe him. That I might see what he saw. And it felt pretty damn good. I had a good life, but it hadn’t been handed to me. I’d done the work—both physically and mentally—and it was time I started owning that.

“Thank you.” I turned in his arms, tilting my head up for a kiss.

“Aw, I do not need to see my little brother sucking face.”

Just for that comment, I lingered a little longer in the kiss, tangling my tongue with TJ’s in an effort to make Sammy as uncomfortable as possible. TJ rose to the occasion, matching my energy as he brought his hands up to either side of my face. When Sammy huffed out an impatient breath for the third time, I pulled away but didn’t take my eyes off TJ, his blue eyes dancing with humor.

“You having fun?” he asked quietly.

“Damn right.”

He kissed my forehead, then turned and said, “Hey, Sammy.” His gaze darted back to me. “I’ll just go start unpacking some boxes in the kitchen.”

And then Sammy and I were alone.

I stuck my hands in my pockets, unsure what else to do with them as we took stock of each other.

I broke the silence first. “I wondered how long it’d be before you reached out.”

“Am I over or under?”

“Honestly? I wasn’t sure. You’re stubborn as fuck.”

He shrugged, knowing he couldn’t deny it. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that pissed. I wasn’t sure how long you needed to cool off.”

“Less time than you needed to pull your head out of your ass.”

“Damn, Jimmy. You’re not pulling your punches.”

“Nope.”

He walked over to a box and pulled out a framed picture of me, Sammy, and Will from when I was around six. The three of us were shirtless and covered in dirt, having spent a couple of hours down at the creek. Sammy and I were sunburned, our noses red and our blond curls almost white from the summer sun, while Will was as tan as ever. Will’s face held a wide smile, while my and Sammy’s expressions were more reserved. Still, we’d been happy.

I’d spent that whole summer trailing behind Sammy and Will, trying to keep up as they did what nine-year-old boys did during a small-town summer. Bike rides. Trips to the pool. Swimming in the creek. Will had moved a year later and summer had never felt quite the same after that.

“Where’d you find this?” Sammy asked, brushing one fingertip along the surface of the glass.

“Olivia gave it to me a couple of years ago on my birthday.”

“I always wondered if you kept in touch with her.”

“I didn’t initially. But I ran into her when we celebrated Gram’s eightieth. Remember I told you TJ’s grandma is Mrs. McGee? We’d only been dating a short time, but TJ insisted on bringing me to the party, and I ran into Olivia there. We kept in touch after that.”

“I’m glad.” He set the frame back in the box gently. “I like him. TJ.”

“Yeah?” I felt a smile tug at the corner of my lips, but I didn’t let it out yet. “He told me he stopped by to see you Tuesday.”

He raised a brow in surprise. “He tell you what we talked about?”

I shrugged one shoulder. “Nah. He said that was between him and you.”

He nodded, something like respect crossing his features. “I was a dick to you last week. And to him.” He nodded in the direction of the kitchen.

“You were.”

“Damn, you’re not going to make this easy on me, are you?”

“Absolutely not.”

He shook his head but did so with a smile. “I’m sorry, Jimmy. TJ said you’re one of the strongest people he’s ever known. And he’s right. Your brand of strength is quiet, making it easy to overlook, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less fierce. I’m sorry if I forgot that.”

I hadn’t known how this conversation might go. I figured at some point we’d talk and there might be an apology on Sammy’s part. But those words—hearing him say I was strong—healed something inside me I thought had been broken my entire life.

“I also think maybe there’s a part of me that’s jealous,” he continued, surprising me.

“Jealous? Of what?”

“Maybe jealous isn’t the right word, but… You’ve always needed me. I’ve spent my whole life looking out for you. Protecting you. Fighting for you. What am I supposed to do now that you don’t need that anymore?”

“Be my brother? Be my friend? Hasn’t that been what we’ve been doing for years now? Other than you being an asshole to the guys I dated, we’ve been operating pretty independently for a long time.”

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.”

“Besides, you’ve got Will now. You can mother him instead.”

“I do not mother him.”

I chuckled at his affront. “You guys set a date yet?”

“Actually…” He looked around like he was checking to see if anyone was listening. “We did. It’ll be the day after Thanksgiving. We’re going to tell everyone at Zach and Jason’s Halloween thing.”

“Wow. That’s coming up soon.”

“It is, but we don’t need anything fancy, and we’ve waited long enough.”

“That’s great, man. I’m really happy for you.”

“Thanks. But, um, I also wanted to ask you… Will you be my best man?”

“Shit. Seriously?”

“Who else would it be?”

“I’d be honored.”

We looked at each other for a moment, and then Sammy pulled me into his arms in a hug. “I love you, little brother. I’m sorry I don’t say it enough.”

“You say it just the right amount. And I love you too.” We pulled apart, and I swiped at my damp eyes.

“Alright. Enough of that mushy bullshit. Why don’t you show me around your new place?”