Page 36

35

TJ

On the last Saturday in September, I rolled into the gravel parking lot of Peggy’s Pumpkin Patch around eight a.m., wishing I’d ordered a large coffee rather than the medium I’d already finished. I stepped out of the car and stretched, reaching my hands to the sky and readjusting my sunglasses. Temperatures were a little on the cool side, but the sun was shining, and a quick glance at the weather app told me it would warm up into the seventies, giving it the potential to be a picture-perfect day.

I made my way to the entrance, then headed past the giant slide and jumping pillows to the stage where our dancers would perform in a little over an hour.

“Hey,” Drea said as I approached. She was sitting on the edge of the empty stage, in the exact same position Jimmy had teased me about last week. “I brought coffees.” She gestured toward the drink carrier sitting on the bench next to her.

“You are a joy and a delight,” I remarked, grabbing one and taking a sip. “Have Selena and Joe arrived yet?”

“Selena’s using the restroom. I haven’t seen Joe yet. But he tends to run a few minutes late.”

“Do you guys perform here every year?”

“I joined the studio my sophomore year, but according to Mandy, they’ve been performing here every fall for as long as she can remember.”

“Is Mandy coming out today?”

“She said she might. I think Jason and Zach are coming too. You haven’t met them yet, have you?”

I tried to recall if they’d been at the bonfire, but I didn’t think so and told her as much.

“Mandy’s brother, Jason, is one of my closest friends and also happens to be dating my brother, Zach. They’ve also semi-adopted Lauren, her brother Rusty, and her cousin Sean.”

“Lauren? The little girl in my Thursday class?”

“Yup.”

“You said she’s adopted? But I’ve seen her mom… Sarah, right?”

Drea laughed. “Not legally adopted. They’re like funcles…or maybe guncles is the more accurate term. It’s kind of a long story.”

“What about Jimmy? Is he coming out today?” I’d checked on him several times over the last week. Our texts had been friendly but not overly personal, and I hadn’t thought to ask if he was coming today. I hadn’t realized it would turn into a friends-and-family thing. But he was friends with Mandy and Drea, so it made sense for him to make an appearance.

“I’m not sure. Jimmy said he wasn’t sure he’d be up for it.”

I frowned. “He said he was doing alright when I talked to him yesterday.”

“Did you call, or was it via a text?”

“Text. Jimmy hates phone calls.”

“Yes, he does. Partially because he’s not a people person. But also because it allows him to mask how he’s really doing. Which is why I showed up at his apartment unannounced on Wednesday and made him grab a bite with me.”

She wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know about Jimmy, but I’d been so focused on letting him set the pace that I’d overlooked the possibility that he wasn’t being totally forthcoming with his state of mind. I moved to sit on the edge of the stage next to her, my legs dangling off the edge. “So how is he then? Is he okay? That asshole didn’t come back, did he?”

“Easy there, tiger. As far as I know, Steven hasn’t been back. And Jimmy’s…processing. Steven was a lying, manipulating little cheater. I suspect Jimmy’s going to be unpacking that baggage for a while.” She squeezed my arm, then hopped up to greet one of the dancers who’d just arrived.

The next ninety minutes were a blur as dancers arrived and performed. The stage was small with a lower ceiling, making it less than ideal to really showcase their skills, but it was still a nice experience for the kids to get to show off what they’d been working on and engage with the community. Drea had reserved one of the fire pits for later in the afternoon so the dancers and their families could have some bonding time as well.

About a third of the way through the performances, I noticed Jimmy standing next to Mandy and her family toward the back of the crowd. He caught my eye and smiled, giving me a little wave. The small gesture lit something inside me, some part that had started to doubt whether he really wanted my friendship or was just being nice. I’d reminded myself several times over the last week and a half that Jimmy had reached out to me in his moment of crisis. He’d wanted me there. He’d asked me to stay. And with his simple wave, my confidence returned.

I smiled and waved back, then returned my focus to the performers for the rest of the show. After, as the dancers were chatting with friends and families in little clusters, our own little fan club gathered. I was introduced to Jason and Zach, along with Lauren’s brother and cousin. Lauren’s mom, Sarah, was working but would be here later in the afternoon after she finished her shift. As the adults chatted, the kids began to get impatient, tugging on grown-ups’ hands, begging to go see this attraction or that, and we all set about, going our separate ways. Drea, along with Mandy and her family, agreed to take Lauren to see the goats while Jason, Zach, and the boys headed toward the corn maze. Which left just Jimmy and me. I wasn’t sure if Drea had orchestrated this or if it had happened naturally, but I wasn’t mad about having him to myself.

We set out down the path, happy to wander aimlessly, without any particular destination in mind. We passed food stands selling apple cider, kettle corn, and turkey legs. There were booths with ring toss, water gun races, and other carnival-style games. And there was also a playground and a petting zoo. Absently, I found myself linking pinkies with Jimmy, but once I realized what I’d done, I pulled away with a muttered apology. Jimmy looked at me meaningfully, grabbed my hand, and we kept walking.

“So, which of those dances were your choreography?”

I thought through which ones had been performed today and rattled off the list.

“Oh wow. I didn’t realize you’d done so many.”

“I’ve choreographed several of this season’s solos as well, but we didn’t perform those today.”

“That’s really cool. I liked the last one. I’ve always liked Billie Eilish, but ‘Lovely’ is one of my favorites.” I smiled, pleased, as that was my favorite as well. “Do you miss performing?”

“I do, and I don’t. I was heading toward some pretty serious burnout. I spent almost two consecutive years on the road between Mean Girls and Come From Away , then went right into rehearsals and production for Newsies , and after that, it was a short run of Carousel, and after that… Well, you get the idea. It was nonstop. I was constantly performing or in rehearsals for the next thing. I missed Trent’s high school graduation and almost missed Tyler’s wedding. The entire time I was in New York, I never once visited the Statue of Liberty. I didn’t get to see anyone else’s shows. It was a never-ending grind. And then one day, I got the news that Gram had experienced a couple of fainting spells, and I realized how much life I was missing out on.” I looked over at him. I’d gone on quite the ramble. His brows were drawn up, but otherwise, I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. “So, yeah, I do miss it sometimes. But I’m also enjoying being present with the people who matter.”

He looked away, and we kept walking. “Do you think you’ll ever go back?”

“I honestly don’t know. I still have an apartment in the City that I’m subletting, and I suppose I might consider taking a job if it’s the right opportunity, but for now, I’m happy being here. I’m enjoying spending time with Gram. And teaching dance classes. I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed that. It’s a very cool thing to see young dancers bring my choreography to life.”

“I saw you in Mean Girls .”

My head snapped toward him. “The tour didn’t come through Omaha.”

He glanced toward me, then back to the path in front of us. “I drove to Des Moines and bought a student rush ticket, then drove back in the middle of the night after the show.”

“Sunshine…”

He swallowed hard enough I could see his Adam’s apple bob with the motion. “I needed… I wanted to see you achieve your dream. I thought… It felt like maybe if I saw you actually doing what you’d set out to do, letting you go would be worth it.”

“Was it?”

“I thought so at the time.”

“And now?” I held my breath, waiting for an answer I wasn’t sure I wanted.

“I don’t know if there’s any point in contemplating it. We can’t rewrite history.”

Though he was right, his answer was wholly unsatisfying. Then, another thought occurred to me. “Which night?”

“What?”

“Which night did you see me perform.”

“Oh. It was the Saturday evening show.”

“I went on as Damian that night. Charlie—the actor in that role—got sick just a few hours before showtime. I was the understudy. I remember it because it was the first time I went on for him.”

“You were amazing.”

We’d stopped in the middle of the path and had turned, facing each other. I was so incredibly touched that he’d made the three-hour drive to see me perform. And the fact that it’d been my first time going on as one of the main roles made it much more special. I’d stepped off the stage that night feeling like I was on top of the world. The other cast members had high-fived me and offered to buy me drinks at one of the bars down the street. I’d taken them up on the offer, but after just one beer, I’d found myself sitting at a large table, surrounded by a dozen cast members, feeling more alone than ever. I’d ended up claiming a headache from the adrenaline crash and had gone back to the hotel, but I’d laid in bed for hours staring at the ceiling, wishing I could call Jimmy to tell him the news. Turned out, he’d been there anyway.

“Thank you. For being there. It really means a lot to me.” Locked into the intensity of his gaze, I brushed a hand across his cheek. I wanted to allow my hand to linger. To slide behind the nape of his neck and pull him in for a kiss. Instead, I stepped away, putting space between us and allowing my hand to fall.

“Should we keep walking?” I looked down at the time on my watch. “Looks like we’ve got an hour until I need to be at the fire pit.”

“Sure. Let’s do it.”