Page 35

34

JIMMY

We watched The Breakfast Club and then started Dirty Dancing, but about the time Baby declared she’d carried a watermelon, my eyes refused to stay open any longer, and I admitted defeat and turned the movie off. TJ had been a perfect gentleman, sitting on the other end of the couch, keeping a respectable distance between us. I’d felt conflicted about that, both wanting the comfort of his touch and knowing I wasn’t ready for that yet. He’d made it clear he wanted me back whenever I was ready, and I honestly didn’t know what to do with that information. It felt too big to contemplate right now. So I shoved it aside, avoiding thoughts of it entirely.

No matter how hard I tried to convince him otherwise, TJ insisted on sleeping on the couch. He refused to let me give up the bed, insisting that after the rough evening I’d had, I needed a good night’s sleep more than he did. After pulling out some blankets and a pillow for him, he’d brushed a kiss over the top of my head and we’d retreated to our separate spaces. I’d thought I’d have a hard time falling asleep after the events of the evening, but my brain had decided sleep was the best escape, and I crashed hard, not waking up until nearly ten a.m.

Now, lying in bed with Lucy curled up at my side, I heard the shower running. While listening to the water beat against the fiberglass on the other side of my bedroom wall, my brain decided I’d had enough escape, and now would be an excellent time to examine everything that had transpired yesterday.

I thought about the contrast between the two men I’d dealt with the day before. The one who’d made a scene, who’d lied and deflected, and when that hadn’t worked, had become physically aggressive. I could feel the bruises on my lower back where the counter had dug in, but I wasn’t sure I had the strength to actually look at them.

And then there was the man currently in my shower. The one who’d dropped everything to be here, despite the fact we’d only recently spoken for the first time in five years. He’d been gentle and respectful. He’d listened and comforted. He’d taken care of me while ensuring he didn’t cross any boundaries.

And he’d said I could be his whenever I was ready.

How could that be? We didn’t know each other anymore, were practically strangers after five years with no contact. You do know him, though, don’t you? Everything he’d done and said last night was just like the TJ I’d fallen in love with five years ago .

I sighed, rolling to my other side and dislodging Lucy in the process. He gave a disgruntled meow, then moved to the foot of the bed and began bathing while I resumed my contemplation of the TJ situation.

Maybe I knew him. Maybe he hadn’t changed much in the last five years. But I had. And he didn’t know who I’d become at all. He didn’t know the guy who was sassy with everyone else but diminished himself for his boyfriend. Who sacrificed his own needs and desires because it was easier than having another fight. Who pretended to like trivia nights and drag brunches and large social gatherings with people who cared more for their own appearance than for the hearts and minds of the people around them. Because keeping the peace is preferable to being told you’re weird, a nerd, or annoying.

TJ didn’t know that side of me, and I didn’t want him to. When he’d met me, I’d been terribly shy and insecure. And as we’d dated, I’d found my self-confidence. Or at least, I’d begun to. It was something I’d continued to work on after he left.

And it had been hard. Hard to push back against the lies I’d been told by my own mother and the little voices of doubt that whispered in my mind after she left. TJ had helped. He’d been so good at showing me all the ways they were wrong. And without him there, I’d had to work twice as hard to combat them. In many ways, I’d been successful. I’d tapped into my sassy side. I’d found the confidence to go after my library endorsement. I’d made the decision to cut off my curls and let go of that part of my history.

But in the process, I’d allowed a man to enter my life who’d undone all that work, tearing me down brick by brick until I was… Well, until I was right here.

The front door opened, and I heard voices coming from the living room. I scrambled out of bed, pulled on a pair of joggers, and made my way down the hall. Steven and Chance froze, their faces registering surprise at my appearance. Chance’s expression quickly changed to one of guilt, while Steven’s bloomed red with anger.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he demanded.

I raised my chin defiantly, doing my best to present a confidence I didn’t quite feel. “I live here, asshole.”

“You should be at work.”

“I took the day off. Not that I owe you an explanation.”

“Whatever. I’m just here to get my stuff.”

“Fine.” I crossed my arms. “Get your shit and get out.”

“Sunshine? I thought I heard voi…ces…”

I turned to find TJ standing in nothing but a towel just a few feet away, droplets of water dripping from the ends of his hair and trickling down his bare chest. My mouth went dry as I followed the path of one such droplet from the tip of his nipple down the contour of his abs until it disappeared into the edge of the towel. In the two times we’d interacted since he’d been back in Nebraska, my reaction to TJ had been purely emotional, but in that moment, there was only white-hot lust. It shot through me like a bolt, making me lightheaded.

“What the fuck ?” Steven’s voice, full of indignant fury, was like a bucket of cold water to my system. The blood that had rushed south at the sight of TJ’s bare chest flooded right back up into my face as I turned back toward Steven. “You accused me of cheating, then what? Invited this dickhead over the moment I was gone? You hypocrite !”

A distant part of my brain, the part having an out-of-body experience right now, registered surprise that he knew how to use that word correctly in a sentence, even if he was making a false assumption regarding TJ’s presence. But before I could form a coherent response, he’d shoved past me and pushed himself right into TJ’s face. “This is your fault. Everything was fine until you showed up. You?—”

“Stop it!” I shouted, surprising everyone in the room, including myself. “Steven, get your shit and get out. My relationship with TJ is none of your goddamned business.”

He walked back over to me, getting right up in my space. Memories of him backing me into the counter and holding me in place flooded back and had my heart rate ticking up, but I stood my ground. “You think you’ve got everyone fooled with this nerdy little innocent act you’ve got going on, but really, you’re just a lying whore.”

“I don’t actually care if that’s what you think. Your opinion means nothing to me. You mean nothing to me. Not anymore.”

He stood there, his breaths coming fast and heavy, his eyes boring into mine. Chance tried to grab him and pull him away, but he shrugged him off, never taking his eyes off my face. “You’re going to regret this.”

“Doubtful.”

When he realized I wasn’t backing down, he turned away in a huff, storming back into the bedroom with Chance following. This had been my apartment originally, already furnished before he’d moved in, so the vast majority of his stuff was clothes and his precious beauty products.

Between him and Chance, they made three trips in and out to retrieve everything. On the last trip, he paused, standing in front of TJ, now dressed in one of my hoodies and a pair of my joggers. “Good luck with him,” he said, his voice heavy with sarcasm.

“I don’t need luck. I’m already lucky to know him. He’s a gift. And the fact that you don’t see that shows just how unworthy of him you are.”

He rolled his eyes and headed for the door, muttering, “Let’s go,” to Chance as he went.

The moment the door was shut, the shaking started. TJ was there instantly, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close. I didn’t know how long we stood there like that, but eventually, the shaking subsided, leaving me weary. TJ released me but kept my hands in his. “I’m so fucking proud of you, sunshine.”

I laughed, which had his eyes pinching with concern.

“You never say ‘fuck.’”

“What?”

“Fuck. You never say it.”

“Yes, I do. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

I laughed again, feeling a little unhinged. And then I kept laughing as another thought popped into my mind. “His face when he saw you come out in nothing but a towel—it was priceless.” I pulled him over to sit on the couch. “He couldn’t believe I’d have the audacity. Especially when he thinks he’s God’s gift to men. I genuinely don’t think it occurred to him that I would seek out someone else.”

He cringed. “I’m sorry I came out here nearly naked. It was not a good look.”

I waved him off. “I meant it when I said I didn’t care what he thought. I should have stopped caring about his opinions a long time ago. I know the truth, and that’s all that matters.”

“I really am proud of you. You were amazing.”

My cheeks heated at the compliment. “I think I’m actually proud of myself too.”