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JIMMY

I blinked a couple of times, trying to make sense of my surroundings. I was in my bed, but it was dark, and I couldn’t remember how I’d gotten there. The last thing I remembered was sitting on TJ’s lap on my bathroom floor.

I rubbed my gritty eyes. The fact that they felt like sandpaper from my tears proved that none of it had been a dream. I wanted to be mortified that TJ had seen me that way, but I couldn’t find the energy. Not when the memory of the feel of his arms wrapped around me was still so fresh. It had been the safest I’d ever felt.

But where was TJ now?

Lucy gave a little chirp, and I looked up at the sound, startled when I realized he was sitting in TJ’s lap. I could just make out his sleeping form, sitting in the chair with his head tipped back, mouth open slightly. Lucy stood and stretched, arching his back, and then jumped from TJ’s knee to the corner of the bed. He stalked toward me, nudging his nose against my arm before curling up in my lap.

When I looked back toward TJ, his eyes were open, watching me intently.

“Hey,” I said, my voice scratchy and raw.

He leaned forward. “Hey.” His smooth voice was a gentle balm to my battered soul. “How’re you feeling?”

“Tired. Embarrassed. Hurt. Angry.” My stomach rumbled. “And hungry, apparently.”

He chuckled.

“What time is it?”

He glanced at his watch. “Nine. You were out for a couple of hours.”

“How did I get here?”

“I carried you.” He said it like it was no big deal. Like lifting me off the floor from his sitting position hadn’t taken a ton of strength.

“And then you stayed.”

“I didn’t feel right leaving you until I was sure you were okay.”

That simple sentence nearly had the tears starting up all over again. I swallowed past the lump in my throat, forcing the emotion down. “Thank you. I’m…” I took a breath and tried again. “I’ll be okay.”

He nodded. “You will.”

“How do you know?” Never mind that I was the one who’d just said it. I hadn’t believed my own words.

He got up, walked toward me, and sat beside me on the bed. He moved slowly as if he didn’t want to startle me, like I was a wounded animal. I felt like one. “You’re one of the strongest people I know. Always have been.”

“You don’t know me anymore,” I whispered.

“Have you changed that much in the last five years?” He lifted his hand like he was going to smooth it across my cheek like he’d done so many times before. But he caught himself, letting it fall to his lap. I wished he hadn’t.

“I don’t know. Sometimes, I don’t recognize the person I’ve become.” I took a breath, averting my eyes. “I feel lost.”

He tipped my chin up, forcing me to look at him. “Maybe I can help you find him. I bet he’s not as lost as you think.” His eyes darted up and he brushed his fingers through my short hair, the corners of his mouth turning up. “Though I do miss his curls.”

“I suppose you can’t call me sunshine now.” And god, how I hated the thought of that.

“Nah. You’ll always be my sunshine.”

“I’m not yours, though, am I? I haven’t been for a long time.”

His eyes met mine, the lightness that had been there a moment ago replaced with a burning intensity that was impossible to look away from.

“You can be mine whenever you’re ready.”

“What are you saying?” I whispered, heart leaping into my throat.

He sighed. “Never mind. You’ve been through a lot tonight. I shouldn’t have said that.”

He made like he was going to get up, but I put a hand out to stop him. “No. Don’t do that. You just told me I was strong, but you’re treating me like I’m weak. What did you mean?”

He sighed again, this one heavier than the last. “It’s not that I think you’re weak. I just don’t want to pressure you or add to your stress.”

I gripped his arm tighter. “What. Did. You. Mean?”

“It means you’re it for me, sunshine. And I’m here whenever you’re ready.”