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JIMMY

I chewed my fingernail as I cruised down the county highway to Astaire on Saturday afternoon. I’d spent most of the morning scouting possible rentals in and around Astaire and had a list of seven possibilities to explore. If worse came to worse, I could stay at the apartment attached to Sammy’s shop outside of town, but I really didn’t want to be in his space. Doing this on my own, reasserting my independence, felt like an important step in finding myself.

The search had taken me longer than it should have, mostly because I’d been distracted thinking about what TJ had said about our friendship. He’d made it clear, for the second time, that the ball was in my court. If I wanted something more between us, it was up to me to take it. The thing was, I was pretty sure I did want it. Wanted him .

It had felt good seeing him at school this week. Comfortable. I’d even found myself flirting a little bit without really meaning to. He brought out a playful side I’d nearly forgotten existed. One I wasn’t sure I’d ever fully allowed myself to explore.

The fact was, I was drawn to him. Always had been. Physically and emotionally. And that was the part that scared me the most. Sliding into a relationship with him would be so easy. We already had a connection. It was clear that time and distance hadn’t changed that. But what if that slide turned into a slippery slope? What if I lost myself again? I was still pulling myself out of the last relationship-shaped hole I’d dug myself into. Was it really wise to jump into another one?

Yet here I was, pulling into Gram’s driveway, picking up the very temptation I kept cautioning myself against. Sometimes, I really found myself to be insufferable.

I hopped up the stairs and rang the doorbell. Gram answered, and before I knew what was happening, she’d pulled me into her arms and enveloped me in a lilac-scented hug. Automatically, I wrapped my arms around her slight frame, returning the embrace I hadn’t even known I’d needed. When we pulled apart, TJ was standing there with a soft smile.

“It’s good to see you, baby,” she said, her eyes warm.

I blinked back my own tears. “Thanks. Same to you.”

She turned to TJ, pulling something out of her pocket. “Here are those keys you asked for. You two better get going before the rain hits.”

He took the keys from her, and we headed out to my car. In the distance, I could see darker clouds rolling in and the scent of petrichor hung heavy in the air.

“What are the keys for?” I asked as I pulled out of the driveway.

“Gram’s been slowly selling off her rental properties, not having the bandwidth to properly maintain them these days. She gave me the keys to three of them that she thought might be a good fit for you. She has a fourth, but it’s probably bigger than you’d like.”

I glanced toward him briefly before returning my eyes to the road. “That’s nice, but I really want to do this myself.” My voice held more bite than I’d meant it to.

“We don’t have to look at them. She just wanted to help. And honestly, it would be a help to her too. She’s not looking to rent them, sunshine. She’s looking to sell.”

I spotted Fred’s Diner up ahead and impulsively flipped on my signal. I turned into the lot, found an empty stall and parked, but left the engine running. We sat for a moment, the silence stretching between us, filling the car with tension.

“Sunshine?” His eyes were full of concern and confusion. “Help me understand why you’re so angry.”

I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t know how to explain the panic surging through me. It was irrational. I knew it was. But no amount of telling myself that was making it recede.

I took a deep breath, trying to gain control over my emotions. “I don’t have the money to buy a house right now. And when I do, I want it to be something I choose. Not something someone handed me tied up with a pretty bow.”

“No one’s trying to hand you anything. She said she’d love to sell, but she’d also be willing to continue to rent if that’s what you needed to do right now.”

“But you said she’s trying to unload the properties. If I’m renting, wouldn’t it prevent her from doing that? Wouldn’t it continue to be a burden for her?”

“She could still sell off the other three properties. And with you as a renter, she’d have the comfort of knowing you were treating the property responsibly.”

“Why would she do this for me?”

He placed a hand on my thigh. I could feel the warmth of it through the denim of my jeans. “She cares about you. She cared about you before we even met, when you and Sammy rented from her as kids. Especially after she found out what a piece of shit your mother was.” He moved his hand to my shoulder, squeezing gently so I’d finally look at him. “We don’t have to look at her properties though. She’d understand.”

“I don’t know why it bothers me so much.” I blew out a breath, running my fingers through my hair. “Actually, yes, I do. I’ve always been a passive participant in my life, and it got even worse when I dated Steven. I don’t wanna do that anymore. I want to have a choice. I want to have a say. I want to make my own decisions, even if it means I make mistakes.”

“I get that.”

I turned to look at him. “I know Gram means well. But it just feels like another instance of someone else pushing their agenda on me.”

“Gram doesn’t have any agenda here.”

“I know that rationally. But I can’t get over this feeling .”

“Okay. Then we don’t visit her properties.”

“I don’t want to offend her.”

He chuckled. “She’s not going to be offended. I promise.”

I looked down, feeling a little sheepish. I always felt this way after an outburst. Like I should have better control over my emotions as a grown-ass adult. “I’m sorry, I blew up. It really is a nice offer.”

“It’s okay. Do you still want to look at those other properties on your list?”

“I think I have to. I’ve got less than two weeks before I have to renew my lease or get out, and I’d really like to put that part of my life behind me.” I turned to look at him. “You don’t have to go with me if you don’t want to.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because I blew up just now? And because I’m not taking Gram up on her offer?”

“You know you’re allowed to have feelings, right? Even big, messy ones?”

“It’s annoying.”

“It’s human . And if I’m being honest, it’s nice to see. I don’t want you to hold back, sunshine. Even when you think what you have to say is something I won’t want to hear. Maybe especially then.”

“What if what I really want is you?”

My eyes widened. I hadn’t meant to say that. Hadn’t even known it was going to come out of my mouth until it was already out there. We froze, eyes locked on each other, with only the sound of our breathing between us.

“Do you mean it?” he breathed, voice barely a whisper. Like he was afraid that if he spoke too loud, it would somehow burst the bubble between us.

I nodded, but then I said, “I’m scared.”

“Of me?”

“Of losing myself. Of falling for you and losing you again. And at the same time, of never ever feeling again the way I feel when I’m with you. I’m scared of moving forward. And I’m scared of standing still.”

A raindrop hit the windshield. And then another. And then the clouds burst and it was a percussive explosion of raindrops hitting the roof of the car.

“I can’t make the choice for you, sunshine. But if you want me, I’m yours for the taking. All you have to do is come and get it.”

I took a breath. And then another. Our eyes were locked. My palms were sweaty, and I thought my heart was about to beat right out of my chest.

And then I launched myself at him.

My lips found his in a clumsy kiss, constrained as we were by the tight confines of my car, but it didn’t matter. He gripped my face, holding me in place as I plunged my tongue into his mouth. He tasted like comfort. He tasted like new beginnings and fresh starts. He tasted like home.

A crack of thunder rent the air, and we jumped apart like a couple of teenagers caught making out in somebody’s basement. He brushed a thumb across my cheek, his blue eyes burning with intensity.

“How do you feel?”

Warmth spread through me at his concern. He always made sure to check in with me, always made sure my needs were met. As someone who’d spent most of his life feeling invisible, his ability to see me—no, his choice to always look for me—was everything.

“Good. I feel really, really good.”