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JIMMY

Steven was uncharacteristically quiet on the drive back into Omaha. Typically, he would take the opportunity to complain about my friends after an encounter with them, but tonight, he seemed intent on staring out the window with his arms crossed and his knee violently bouncing. Someone who didn’t know better might have thought the headache was the reason for his lack of chatter, but I did know better. If I had to guess, there was no headache, and we were thirty seconds to two minutes away from a meltdown. I kind of hoped he’d just do it now so we could get it over with.

“So.” Here we go . “Who was that Thomas guy? Or is it TJ ?” I didn’t have to look at him to see the sneer on his face when he said “ TJ .”

I debated my response. I’d never told Steven about TJ. My boyfriend had a tendency to get incredibly jealous, and I’d known Steven wouldn’t be able to keep himself from making snarky comments, despite the fact that I hadn’t dated or seen TJ in years. Steven preferred to live in his own delulu world where he was at the center and no one else existed.

“He’s just an old friend from college.”

“ Friend . Right.”

“What?” I glanced at him, catching his massive eye roll before returning my attention to the road.

“He sure wasn’t looking at you like you were just a friend . On the other hand, the way he looked at me … If looks could kill…”

I refrained from pointing out that most of my friends looked at him that way. “I’m sure that’s not true. TJ’s just about the friendliest guy I’ve ever met.”

“Whatever.” He went silent, but I knew there was more. I kept my eyes on the road, my knuckles white as I gripped the steering wheel. I hated arguing. Especially with Steven, who always seemed to twist things to suit his purposes. “And what was with him calling you sunshine?”

“It’s nothing. Just a silly nickname.” My stomach twisted at the lie. It was so much more than a nickname.

You’re going to be okay, sunshine. You’re stronger than you think.

Come for me, sunshine.

You’re never just anything, sunshine. You’re everything.

I could never regret you. Being with you has been the greatest joy of my life, sunshine. I lo ? —

I swallowed thickly, shoving back the memories, trying to focus on what Steven was saying.

“It doesn’t even make sense. I mean, it’s not like you have a very sunny personality. You’re pretty doom and gloom if you ask me. Always quiet. You never want to go out. Never want to hang with our friends. Never want to do anything, really. Just sit around with that stupid cat and your nose in a book.”

I gripped the steering wheel tighter and clenched my jaw. “You know I was sick last week.”

“I guess. But you dragged it out all week. I was surprised you still wanted to come tonight.”

I signaled, then took the exit toward our apartment. I hadn’t dragged it out. I’d laid low over the weekend and been back at school on Monday with just a little sniffle to manage. I didn’t bother to point any of this out, instead saying, “He called me that because of my curls. He said they reminded him of the sun.”

The moment the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them. That was private. Between TJ and me. I hated that I’d given Steven any piece of what had been between us.

Steven snorted. “Seriously? Babe, those curls were out of control. We could have dyed them red and you’d have been Little Orphan Annie.”

I pulled into an empty parking spot in front of our building, killed the engine, and turned to look at him. “Are you done?”

He rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on, babe. You know that haircut was tragic before you met me.”

I crossed my arms and glared at him, something I rarely did. I’d never liked my curls until I’d met TJ. And after we’d broken up, I couldn’t bear parting with them until finally, one day, I’d decided it was time to let them go. It was actually how I’d met Steven. He was the stylist who’d cut my hair.

“Why do you always have to be such a dick?” I got out of the car, slamming the door behind me and making a beeline for the stairs that led to our third-floor apartment.

I heard the slam of the passenger door and then he was hot on my heels. “Oh, you think I’m a dick? I wasn’t the one flirting with some guy while his boyfriend was literally standing right there.”

I had the key in the lock but stopped and looked at him before opening the door. “Seriously? You can miss me with that shit. You think I haven’t seen the way you flirt with other guys when we go out?”

“I can’t help it if I’m charming.”

I rolled my eyes and turned the key, opening the door and stepping inside. I headed straight back to the bathroom and began brushing my teeth.

“What are you doing?” Steven demanded.

I glared at him but didn’t respond. I thought it was fairly obvious.

“You’re seriously getting ready for bed? It’s only ten o’clock.”

I spit and rinsed, then glared at his reflection in the mirror.

“You’re the one with the headache, remember? That’s the whole reason we left my friends, whom I haven’t seen since June, I might add.”

He sniffed and crossed his arms. “The ibuprofen must have kicked in.”

“How convenient.” I brushed past him on my way back to the bedroom, where I quickly undressed and climbed into bed. Lucy hopped up next to me with a little chirp and began kneading the blankets with his paws. I brushed a hand over his head, giving him a little scratch, deliberately ignoring Steven where he was standing in the doorway.

“You’re really going to bed?”

Finally, I looked up at him, suddenly very, very tired. “Just go. You want to go out? Then go out. I’m not stopping you.”

“Fine.” He spun on his heel, the door slamming behind him a moment later.

“Looks like it’s just you and me, Lucy.”

He purred, pressing his cheek into my hand.

* * *

Steven didn’t come home Saturday night, and he still wasn’t home by the time I left for dinner at the Salgados’ Sunday afternoon. He’d stayed out last weekend, too, when I’d been sick. He’d told me then that he’d stayed with his friends Chance and Justin, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he’d found a random hookup. Or maybe he was sleeping with Chance and Justin. Either way, I needed to make an appointment at the clinic this week.

Fuck .

I pulled my car up to the curb in front of the Salgado’s split-level but didn’t make a move to get out. For the second time in a little over a week, I wondered how I’d gotten here. How could I be so indifferent to the fact that my boyfriend was likely cheating on me? How had I allowed myself to be a doormat for a man I didn’t love? Who so clearly didn’t love anyone other than himself?

I had to figure out how to end it. It was time. Past time.

A knock on my window scared the shit out of me, and I jumped, my arms flailing.

Sammy waved, flashing me a shit-eating grin. “You gonna sit there all day or come inside and eat?”

I glared at him as I punched the button to turn off the car, then opened the door and got out, looking deliberately at Sammy’s boyfriend standing next to him. “Hey, Will. I see you’re still engaged to this asshole.”

Will chuckled. “Hey, Jimmy.”

We made our way up the steps and headed inside. Rafi’s mom, Stephanie, stood at the counter, slicing a tomato. She nodded toward the back door. “They’re out back. We’re grilling burgers tonight.”

“Can we help you with anything?” Will asked.

She nodded toward a tray of condiments and a couple of bags of buns. “Take those out there with you.”

We grabbed the items she’d indicated and headed out back. Julio was operating the grill while Rafi and his brother Freddy stood next to him, chatting amiably. Elise, Rafi’s wife, sat in one of the patio chairs, nursing their five-month-old, Frannie. Everyone looked up as we stepped through the door and onto the deck.

“Hey, perfect timing,” Julio said. “I’m just getting ready to pull the burgers off the grill. Help yourself to drinks in the cooler.”

We set down the items we’d brought outside and made a beeline for the cooler. Sammy and Will pulled out a couple of beers while I chose a seltzer. With the burgers ready, we all took our seats and loaded our plates. The conversation was lively, as usual.

Freddy had moved into the city this fall, transferring from the community college to the university in Omaha, just as I had done. This was his first Sunday dinner since classes started, so he had a lot of stories to share. Julio updated us on the progress he’d made on the car he was restoring. It had been his pet project since he’d gotten it at auction last spring. He thought it would be finished sometime next month.

And so it went. Each of us sharing snippets of our lives since we’d gathered last month. I remained quiet unless someone directly asked me a question. That wasn’t unusual. Sammy and I weren’t chatty people, though he’d become a lot more open since reuniting with Will. Today, though, there wasn’t anything I was particularly excited to share. If anything, it was another reminder of just how shitty I’d let things get. And that certainly wasn’t anything to brag about.

We finished our meals, helping to clear the table and clean up, then returned to the deck to relax a bit longer before heading back into the city and preparing for the week.

“How was the bonfire last night?” Will asked. “Sorry we missed it.”

Will and Sammy had been at a charity dinner in the city that Will had been obliged to attend as part of his work responsibilities. My eyes shot to Rafi, willing him not to bring up TJ. Or Steven, for that matter. Rafi loved to gossip, but I really didn’t want to get into any of that with my brother.

Surprisingly, it was Elise who brought up TJ. “Rafi had a few too many. Thomas brought him home. In fact, we have to go pick up his car after this.”

“Man, you’re a father now. You can’t be doing that shit anymore.” Will playfully smacked him on the shoulder.

“Ugh. I wasn’t that drunk. Just drunk enough that I shouldn’t drive. I was being responsible .”

“Who’s Thomas?” Sammy asked.

Rafi’s eyes flashed to mine, and for once, he seemed unsure how to answer. His hesitation drew Sammy’s attention, though, and he followed Rafi’s gaze to me. “Who’s Thomas?” he repeated.

I let out a sigh. “He was my roommate in college. We dated briefly.”

“Thomas made it sound like it was more serious than that. He said?—”

“Wait.” Sammy interrupted Rafi. “This is the guy you went to Chicago with, right? And you spent the entire Christmas break that year moping over him? Didn’t you tell me his name was TJ?”

I swiped a hand over my face. I hadn’t given Sammy all the details of my relationship with TJ, but after he’d walked in on me crying on Christmas Eve, I’d been compelled to fill him in on the basics. “He went by TJ back then. And yes, he’s back in town. You remember Mrs. McGee, our old landlady? TJ’s her grandson. She’s having some health issues, and he’s staying with her for a while to help.”

He frowned like he was trying to puzzle it all out. “Okay, but then what was he doing at the bonfire? He’s not from Astaire originally, right?”

“Drea invited him. She thought the two lovebirds should meet up.” I glared at Rafi. “What?” he asked.

“Do you ever know when to stop running your mouth?”

“No. Not really.” He shrugged good-naturedly, taking a sip of his beer.

“Why? What don’t you want me to know?” Sammy narrowed his eyes like he was trying to figure out some secret I wasn’t telling him.

I released a heavy sigh. “Look, I’m not trying to hide anything. You just get…kind of pushy when I talk about anything relationship-related. It stresses me out. So sometimes I don’t tell you things. Because it’s easier.”

He yanked out his hair tie, smoothing back his shoulder-length hair and putting the hair tie back in. It was a surefire way to tell that he was agitated, but I could see the hurt in his eyes too. I knew my brother loved me, and those protective instincts ran deep after all we’d been through, but I was twenty-five—a grown-ass adult—and I needed him to let me handle my own shit. Even when it meant I’d gotten myself into a long-term relationship with a cheating narcissist. Goddammit.

“I’m sorry, Jimmy… I just… You know what? I’m not sorry, actually.”

Will put a hand on Sammy’s shoulder. “Baby, maybe we should?—”

“No,” he said to Will, then turned back to face me. “I won’t apologize for caring about you and wanting what’s best for you. You’ve been dating that asshole for what? A year? And I haven’t said anything about him since last spring. I’ve stayed out of it like you asked, even though it kills me to watch you wasting your life with him. And now I find out from this idiot?—”

“Hey!” Rafi interjected, but Sammy ignored him, continuing his tirade.

“—that this TJ guy’s back in town and now…” Sammy paused, running out of steam. “I don’t even know… Is it a big deal that he’s back? What about Steven? Can I ask that? Or am I being too pushy ?” He crossed his arms and stared at me with a face full of attitude.

I rolled my eyes. “Are you done, drama queen?”

“Don’t get bitchy with me. You’re the one with the secrets.”

“I told you, I’m not trying to hide anything. I’m just…private.”

He continued to stare at me, eyebrow raised in challenge. Will looked back and forth between us, and I knew he was trying to decide whether he should intervene. He didn’t like conflict any more than I did.

“Let’s sit down.” When he hesitated, I unleashed a little of my own attitude. “Sit your ass down, Sammy Clark, or I’m not going to tell you a goddamned thing.”

“Damn,” Rafi muttered, to which Elise shushed him.

“Jesus, I forget how sassy you can be sometimes,” Sammy mumbled but sat as requested.

And then I told them about TJ and what he’d meant to me. I didn’t go into every detail because some things weren’t any of their business, but I let them know that my relationship with TJ had been more serious than I’d let on and that I’d let him go so he could pursue his acting dream.

“Okay, so what about now?” Sammy asked when I was finished.

“What do you mean? He’s here to help with his grandma. That doesn’t have anything to do with me. And besides, I’m with Steven.” At least I was for now. Breaking up with him was future Jimmy’s problem.

“That’s it? This, like, love-of-your-life guy is back, and you’re just gonna, what? Be with Steven and pretend he doesn’t exist?”

“I never said he was the love of my life.”

Sammy rolled his eyes. “You didn’t have to.”

“Since when are you such a romantic?” Rafi asked.

Sammy glared at him, but I didn’t miss the way he leaned into Will, who had one arm around his shoulder.

Frannie let out a cry, breaking the stalemate. “I think she needs to be changed.”

“Here, I’ll take her. You relax.” Rafi stood, taking the little girl from Elise. He rarely took anything in life seriously, except when it came to his family. He really was a good dad.

The distraction provided a natural opportunity to excuse myself and make my exit. I knew Sammy wanted an answer to his question, but the truth was, I didn’t have one. TJ was back in Astaire, yes, but he was here to help take care of Gram. Which had nothing to do with me. And yeah, we had a mutual friend, so maybe our paths would cross from time to time, but this wasn’t some angsty romance novel. TJ wasn’t here to rekindle our relationship.

In fact, I didn’t even know how long he was planning to stay. He’d made it sound like he was here for good when we’d talked last night, but I wasn’t convinced he was really willing to give up his career entirely. And I still had a boyfriend I needed to figure out what to do with.

I stood as I said, “I think I’m going to head home. I need to feed Lucy and get ready for the week.”

Sammy and Will exchanged a look, then stood as well. “We should also get going. We’ll walk you out.”

We said our goodbyes to the Salgados and headed out to our cars, but Sammy stopped me just as I was about to climb in.

“Listen, I wasn’t trying to be a dick back there.”

“I know.”

“I just want you to be happy.”

“I know that too.”