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TJ

I sat on the bank of the creek that ran through Astaire, toes squishing in the muddy bottom, and thought about the first time I’d seen Jimmy here. He’d looked so lost and alone that I’d wanted to scoop him up and protect him from whatever ugliness in the world was troubling him.

And then there was the second time I’d run into him here. When I’d tried to give him space, but it turned out I hadn’t needed to. He’d told me about his bitch of a mom and what she’d done to him. Looking back, that little encounter had been a turning point. We’d settled into friendship, and shortly thereafter, that friendship had evolved into something more.

God, sometimes I missed that time in my life so much that I ached with it. Falling in love with Jimmy was the easiest thing I’d ever done. Moving on without him had been the hardest.

And here I was, back in Nebraska. In Astaire, where it all started. I’d been back over a month, and I still hadn’t seen Jimmy. I probably could have texted him. I doubted his number had changed. I could have asked Drea to reconnect us, though she knew me as Thomas, not TJ, so I wasn’t sure if she was aware of the connection. But I couldn’t bring myself to reach out to him. Inserting myself back in his life felt like I’d be making an assumption he wanted me there, and I wasn’t sure he did.

Or maybe that was all just a bunch of bullshit I told myself because the reality was that I was scared.

I missed him, even after all this time. I’d spent nine months on the road touring with Mean Girls , and I’d missed him every single day. I’d spent another six months on the road with Come From Away , and the ache hadn’t abated. And when I’d moved to New York to be in a production of Newsies —my first professional gig that wasn’t part of a tour—I’d had my phone out, ready to call him and share the news before I’d realized that was something I didn’t have a right to do anymore. Between rehearsals and tours, we’d been broken up for nearly eighteen months at that point, and I’d still found myself reaching for him. I’d almost deleted his number after that, but I hadn’t been able to bring myself to do it.

A month later, I’d gone on my first date since Jimmy. Jesse was a dancer in the ensemble with amazing tap technique and legs for days. We’d hit it off, spending hours talking over dinner and drinks, but when he invited me back to his apartment after, I’d kissed him on the cheek and declined. I hadn’t tried to date again after that.

For the next three years, I fully dedicated myself to my work. I trained with both an acting and a voice coach. I took additional dance classes when I could fit them in around whatever show I was in at the time. I honed my craft, winning more prestigious roles. I’d even gotten nominated for a Tony this past year, though I hadn’t won. And while I’d been disappointed in the loss, I realized I was more disappointed that I didn’t have anyone to share these experiences with. Oh, I had plenty of friends. I was still a raging extrovert and had met so many amazing people in each of the shows I was a part of, but at the end of the day, I didn’t have Jimmy . And while he’d all but forced me to pursue my dreams, none of it meant anything without him.

I looked down at my wrist, tracing my fingers over the simple outline of the sun I’d had inked there three months ago. I hadn’t been lying when I’d told Jimmy I was terrified of needles. But the need to have that little reminder permanently inscribed on my skin had driven me to push past the fear.

Maybe it was ridiculous to still be pining for him. To hold out hope he wanted anything to do with me. But I’d always been a pretty damn hopeful guy, and I didn’t see any reason to stop that now. I just had to have the guts to take the first step.

* * *

“Thanks, Mr. Thomas,” Lauren said as she gave me a high-five on her way out of class. I’d just finished teaching the jazz class for seven- and eight-year-olds, my last class of the night, and I was exhausted. It took a special kind of endurance to perform in eight shows a week, so you better believe I was in excellent shape, but these tiny dancers still managed to give me a run for my money each week.

“Have a good night, peanut!” I called as she trotted to where her mom stood in the studio lobby, talking to Drea. I turned back, grabbed the large dust mop, and began running it across the Marley floor as we did each night. I’d just finished and was reaching for the trash bin to take it out, when Drea came back into the room.

“How was class?”

“Good. The kids were a little chatty, but we still managed to have a good class.”

“You’re really great with them. They love you.”

“That’s sweet of you to say. I wasn’t sure how it would be teaching classes again after taking several years off, but I’m enjoying it.”

“Well, we’re happy to have you onboard.”

“I’m heading out.” We both looked up to see Selena, one of the other instructors, standing in the doorway, keys in hand. “What time on Saturday?”

“Eight, I think.”

“Perfect. I’ll see you then!”

“What’s Saturday? You know what, never mind. That was nosy.”

“No worries. There’s a bonfire down by the lake. It’s kind of a townie thing we do here in Astaire. Oh!” Her face lit up. “You should come! I’ll introduce you to some people.”

My pulse ticked up. I wondered if Jimmy would be one of those people. Maybe this was the push I needed. And if he wasn’t there, I still wouldn’t mind meeting some folks. Since I’d been back, I’d spent most of my time with Gram or here at the studio, and for someone who was used to being constantly surrounded by people and the hustle and bustle of city life, I’d been feeling restless.

“Yeah, actually. That sounds fun.”

“Great! Like I said, we start around eight.”