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PROLOGUE

JIMMY

I wish I could say my mother abandoning me at fifteen was a turning point in my life, but it turns out that what happened after made a more lasting impact.

Coming to terms with the fact that my mother didn’t care about me enough to stay had certainly impacted my life, but it was the boy I met the following day who would occupy my thoughts in the months and years to come.

I spent one day with him—several hours, really—but I could still recall the color of his eyes, the exact shade of his sun-kissed skin, the grace with which he moved, and the way one corner of his mouth tipped up just a little bit higher when he smiled.

And I recalled the gentle brush of his lips against mine. My first kiss.

He stumbled upon me in a place I thought no one knew about, on the banks of the creek along the north side of town. I knew that my brother Sammy came here sometimes, but he was at work. It was why I had come here. I’d needed to get out of our empty house, not wanting to be alone.

At the sound of a snapping twig, I turned to find him standing at the edge of the clearing, his face registering the same surprise mine must have shown at having the space unexpectedly occupied. When he didn’t say anything, I turned back to face the creek, resting my head on my knees, letting my toes squish in the mud beneath the water’s surface.

I heard him approach, felt the disturbance in the air next to me as he took a seat just a few inches away, but I didn’t turn to look at him. I didn’t have anything to say to this stranger disrupting my brooding.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Startled by the question, I turned and looked at him. “What?”

“Something is obviously bothering you. I just thought you might want to talk about it.”

“I don’t even know you.”

“Sometimes strangers are the best confidants. I have no skin in the game. I can be a good listener.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone my age use the word ‘confidant.’”

He chuckled, the sound of it sweet and musical. “I read a lot of Regency romance.”

Another surprise, though I didn’t respond. This conversation was ridiculous.

Apparently, he didn’t need me to reply because he continued talking as he bent forward and began removing his sneakers and socks.

“My mom says those kinds of books will rot my brain, but my grandma reads them and passes them along to me, and my mom doesn’t have the guts to tell her no. I don’t know why it matters anyway. No shade to those who enjoy high-brow literature, but in my opinion, a good story is a good story regardless of the genre.”

I happened to agree with him, though I continued to hold my silence. He slid his feet into the water, lay back on the rough patch of dirt, and closed his eyes. Surprised by his behavior, I stared at him, waiting for him to do or say something, though I wasn’t sure what.

“I can feel you watching me,” he said without opening his eyes.

My face burned at being caught staring, but I couldn’t help asking, “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m taking a nap.”

“Right here? Next to me?”

He opened one eye. “Is there a reason I shouldn’t take a nap right next to you?”

“I mean…” I spluttered, unable to come up with an answer that made any more sense than his actions.

“You’re welcome to join me,” he said matter-of-factly. “There’s something delicious about lying on the banks of a creek, feet in the water, sun on your face. The perfect summertime nap.”

And then he closed that one eye as if that were the end of the discussion.

I stared at him a moment longer, my mouth hanging open, and then, without making a conscious decision to do so, I lay back next to him and closed my eyes.

* * *

I woke with a start, momentarily confused by my surroundings.

“Feel better?” a voice asked beside me.

I turned my head toward the sound, surprised I’d fallen asleep.

“What time is it? How long was I out?”

“Not long. Maybe thirty minutes.”

I blinked at him and then once more, both of us still lying on our backs, heads turned toward each other. His eyes were blue, I noticed, almost amethyst. I didn’t think I’d ever seen an eye color quite like it, though I didn’t think I’d ever studied someone’s eyes so closely either. Mine were a boring brown, but his reminded me of the orchids I’d seen once on a class trip to Lauritzen Gardens. The petals had been dark on the outside, getting gradually lighter toward the center. His eyes were like that, only in reverse, with the darker blue in the center, fading lighter toward the outer edge.

“What do you see?”

I blinked, my cheeks heating because I’d been caught staring again.

“Nothing.”

“You were staring awfully hard for it to be nothing.”

I pulled my gaze away, turning my head to look up toward the sky. I felt him shift, and then a shadow fell over me, and unable to help myself, I turned toward him once more. He’d stood and had a hand reached out toward me. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

He shrugged. “I dunno. Wherever the wind takes us.”

I hesitated but then placed my hand in his, and he pulled me up so we were standing face-to-face. I was small for my age, so it was no surprise that he was taller, though he didn’t tower over me. Still, I had to tilt my head slightly to look up at him.

He smiled, the corners of his mouth drawing up like the sunrise while a smattering of freckles danced across his sun-kissed cheeks. His eyes darted up, his fingertips following his gaze to thread themselves through my riot of blond curls. I’d always hated them, hated how my hair drew attention to my otherwise plain features when all I’d ever wanted was to simply fade into the background.

“I’ve never seen hair quite like yours.”

I jerked back, pulling away from his touch and turning to locate my shoes and socks. I wasn’t sure what he’d meant by his comment, but I was unnerved. I’d spent the whole of my life trying my best not to be noticed. Not to be a burden. Not to stand out. I was uncomfortable with attention at the best of times, and this, the day after my mom left us, was most definitely not the best of times.

I wanted to go home, fling myself onto my bed, and get lost in one of my books. I wanted to be far away from here, from reality, from this guy whose scrutiny made me want to squirm.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.” He stepped in front of me, holding out one of my socks. I snatched it from his hand, continuing to look for its mate. “I like your hair,” he continued. “It reminds me of the sun.”

I paused long enough to turn toward him and roll my eyes before grabbing my shoes from the edge of the creek. They’d once been black but were now a brownish color because the dye had leeched out over time. The left shoe had a hole in the toe, while the other had a cracked sole. They were a half-size too small, but they were all I had.

I sat back down, hastily pulling on my socks and then my shoes, while this…stranger did the same. I mulled over what to say, finally settling on nothing at all before turning down the path that would lead me back toward the road.

“Hey, man. Wait up.”

I kept walking. I didn’t owe this guy anything. I just wanted to go home.

He reached out and grabbed my hand, stopping me.

“What?” I shouted, my voice disrupting the cheerful chirp of the birds in the trees. “What is it you want from me?” I wasn’t prone to outbursts, but my life had imploded quite spectacularly, and I figured I was allowed to lose my shit under the circumstances.

“Just…give me an hour. Get lost in the woods with me. Go on an adventure.”

“Why?”

“Because you look like you need to get lost for a little while.”

* * *

We moved deeper into the forest, sweat trickling down my back as the sultry summer air pressed its heavy weight upon us. He’d removed his shirt ten minutes ago, tucking it into the waistband of his shorts, and I found myself admiring the way the muscles of his back rippled with his movement. I longed to take my shirt off like he had, but where his body was sleek and toned like a panther, I was underweight and clumsy. Besides, my pale skin would likely burn in under thirty minutes, unlike his burnished bronze complexion.

The path mostly followed alongside the creek, but here and there, it snaked its way across to the other side. We stopped at such a crossing, assessing the best way to get to the other side. The creek was wider here, and it appeared our best route would entail stepping from one flat rock to the next. I watched as he stepped on the closest rock, then the next, balancing as the stone wobbled beneath him.

He turned back to look at me, those blue eyes twinkling as he flashed me a lopsided smile. “You coming?”

I was quite possibly the least brave person I knew, but as he shot one brow up in challenge, I set my jaw and took the first step. He nodded, his smile growing impossibly wider, before turning back to face the direction of the next rock. We continued, with him leading the way from stone to stone while I followed in his footsteps. He paused, and I looked up to see why, my eyes widening when I saw the distance between the final rock and the creek bank. I looked behind me, assessing whether it would be possible to return the way we’d come, but the rock I was currently standing on was small, leaving no space to turn around.

I turned back, but the question I’d been about to ask died on my lips as my…companion sprung into a leap, legs extended in a midair split before gracefully landing on the bank. He turned back, his ever-present smile lighting his features as if he were trying to give the sun a run for its money.

“I’m a dancer,” he said with a small shrug while I stood there gaping at him.

“Well, I’m not,” I said, finally finding my voice. “How the hell am I supposed to get over there?”

We scanned the water, looking for alternative options, but as far as I could tell, there weren’t any. “Maybe I can just?—”

Before I could finish the thought, he was shucking his shoes and socks and stepping into the creek, heading toward me. The water was clear and shallow, only about calf-deep, making it easy for him to pick his way carefully over to the rock I was standing on, my mouth agape. He turned his back to me, crouching slightly. “Climb on.”

“Seriously?”

He looked at me over his shoulder, a twinkle in his eyes. “Why not?”

Letting out a breath, I climbed on, feeling as awkward and clumsy as ever, like a baby giraffe taking its first steps. He wasn’t a bulky guy, but he was strong, easily taking my weight as he stood to his full height. He made his way carefully through the water as I tried my best not to notice the way my dick was pressed against his lower back or the feel of his bare shoulders, slick with sweat, under my arms where I held on.

“Relax,” he said. “I’m not going to drop you.”

If anything, his words did the opposite, my back going ramrod straight as he took the last couple of steps onto the bank of the creek. I loosened my grip, preparing for him to let me down, but he tightened his grasp.

“Thank you, but you can put me down now,” I said, trying to make my intentions clear.

“I don’t know. I kinda like this.” His thumb stroked the side of my thigh where he held on, my traitorous cock thickening against his back. He had to be able to feel it pressed against him. “I think you like it too,” he said as if he could read my thoughts.

I didn’t know what to do with such an overtly flirty comment. The only guys who’d ever shown me attention like that had been my mother’s boyfriends. Which had always left a sick feeling in my gut.

“Please put me down.” My voice was small, almost pleading, and he must have caught onto my discomfort because he immediately set me on the ground, turning to face me with concern in his eyes.

“Hey,” he said, his voice gentle. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

I shrugged, wrapping my arms around my center, averting my gaze. “I’m not… I just don’t like… that kind of attention.”

He stepped closer, though he didn’t touch me. “Has someone hurt you? Is that what’s got you so sad?”

“Not like you mean, no. Can we just…go? I think I’ve had enough adventure for one day.”

I saw the disappointment in his eyes—crazy that I could read him, though I’d just met him a couple of hours ago—but he nodded and turned back toward the path. “I think if we keep going this way a little farther, there’s a split in the trail that’ll take us back to the road.”

I started to follow, but he paused, waiting until I was next to him before continuing down the path. I was curious to know how he knew the forest so well, considering I’d lived in Astaire my whole life and had never seen him before. “How come I’ve never seen you around?”

“I live in Omaha, but my grandma lives here in Astaire, so we come out for visits. I guess our paths just never crossed. I take it you live here?”

“Yeah. My whole life. I’ve never been much of anywhere outside of Brinkley or the occasional field trip into the city.”

“Never?”

I shrugged, feeling defensive. “Travel requires money, which we aren’t exactly rolling in.”

I thought about the empty house waiting for me at home, devoid of furniture except for the lumpy recliner no one ever sat in and the beds that were older than we were. Mom had stripped the house of everything else when she left. Another wave of despair washed over me, threatening to steal my breath, but I resolutely fought through it, practicing the breathing my brother’s childhood friend had taught me.

“I want to travel, see the world. Or at least the rest of the US. I’m going to be on Broadway someday.” He said it with all the confidence of someone who knew exactly who he was and what he wanted. I couldn’t imagine ever feeling so resolute about something like that. But I had a feeling he’d find a way to make his dream come true.

“That’s…um, great,” I said lamely.

“Where would you go? If money were no object, I mean.” He stopped in the middle of the path, grabbing my elbow to stop me. His eyes were serious, as if the answer was of the utmost importance.

“I’ve never really thought about it.” The places I’d dreamed of escaping to only existed in the books I read. Nothing in the real world had ever felt like an option.

“Never?” He stepped closer, but I just shook my head. In that moment, I thought that if there was anywhere I wanted to get lost, it was in the depths of those blue, blue eyes.

“Everyone should have a dream. Someplace they want to go. Something they want to achieve.”

“Not everyone has the privilege of allowing themselves to dream,” I whispered.

He brushed the back of his hand against my cheek. “You deserve dreams of your own.”

“You don’t even know me. You don’t know what I deserve.”

“I know you’re a beautiful boy with hair like the sun and sadness in his eyes. You carry the weight of the world, yet you’re braver than you think. You?—”

“I’m not brave,” I interrupted. “I’m prone to panic attacks and probably have anxiety. I cry easily. I share a room with my brother and still have to sleep with a nightlight. I couldn’t even cross the creek by myself.”

I tried to step back and put some distance between us, but he slid his hand to the back of my neck, holding me in place. “You mostly crossed it yourself. And if I hadn’t climbed in, you would have done it yourself. And that other stuff…” He pulled me closer until our noses were just inches apart. I could feel the puff of his breath against my lips as he spoke. “It just tells me you feel things really big. Maybe bigger than most people do. Yet you’re still here. You still chose to follow me today. You fight every day to get through. I don’t know how anyone wouldn’t see that as bravery.”

I swallowed, my eyes burning as I absorbed his words. No one had ever seen me that way. How could this stranger know any of that?

“You don’t even know me,” I choked out again.

He pressed his forehead to mine, and I closed my eyes, unable to bear the intensity burning in his gaze. “I know enough. I know I’m lucky our paths crossed today. I know I want to kiss you.” He pulled back, and I opened my eyes, shocked by his words. “Have you ever been kissed?”

I shook my head, my heart hammering.

“Can I be your first?”

At my nod, he bent forward, brushing his lips lightly over mine. He pulled back, and I thought that was it, but then he swooped in again, pressing his mouth to mine more firmly. Instinctively, I opened, allowing his tongue to slide between my lips while his other hand came up so he was cradling my face in both hands. Tentatively, I returned the motion, flicking my own tongue against his, and he groaned, the sound sending electricity shooting through my body.

As if mother nature thought to echo the sentiment, a crack rent the air, closely followed by a flash, startling us into breaking apart. Chest heaving, I took stock of our surroundings, noting the wind had picked up and it had gotten considerably darker as the clouds rolled in. A drop landed on my cheek, startling me into blinking. Two more drops fell, landing on my arm and my nose, and then, as if someone had sliced them open, the clouds burst.

On instinct, we made a run for it, tearing down the path, careful not to trip over rocks and roots as the wind whipped the rain around us, making it difficult to see. Thankfully, we were close to the trailhead, and it was only a matter of minutes before we arrived at the edge of the road, where it snaked its way through the woods. I looked around, trying to get my bearings, realizing I was only a few blocks from home.

I looked at my companion, unsure what to say. I’d been annoyed by his presence mere hours ago, and now I found I didn’t want to part ways. He stepped forward, placing his hand at my nape and pulling me toward him. “You’re going to be okay, sunshine. You’re stronger than you think.” He kissed me again, a brief press of his lips against mine, and then he turned and ran in the opposite direction without looking back.

Frozen in place, I watched him go, but when another crack of lightning had me nearly jumping out of my skin, I turned and ran all the way home.

Much later, as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep, I replayed the kiss, brushing my fingers across my lips in memory. And it was then I realized I didn’t even know his name.