Page 119 of B is for Beg

“I did not know that,” I say. “You’re a real font of knowledge, aren’t you?”

“About some things, yeah.” Blake squares his jaw.

“You’ve kept all that in your head for thirteen years?” Gabe asks.

Blake frowns.

“You told us you bought those knickers when you were eleven or twelve,” Gabe says.

A barely there smile flickers across Blake’s lips. “You remembered.”

“Of course.”

“Yeah, I guess I have remembered that all these years. Not that it matters. Knowing about stars isn’t exactly important, is it? It won’t impress my parents.”

“Why do you need to impress them?” I ask.

“They think I’m a loser because I failed my first year of university and didn’t go back to repeat.”

“You’renota loser,” Gabe says.

“I didn’t fail because I wasn’t good enough. I failed because I didn’t want to be there in the first place. Everyone just assumed that because Archie and Corey were excited to go, I wanted to go too. And I didn’t say anything, so I went. I hated it. I failed. And my parents have looked down on me ever since.”

“I’m sure they don’t,” Gabe says.

Blake sucks in a shuddering breath. “They do,” he whispers. “I screwed up financially that year too. I had a student loan. It was the most money I’d ever had. So yeah, I went a bit crazy and spent far too much and then realised that I still had to pay rent and buy food. I turned to my parents. They bailed me out and haven’t let me forget it.”

“Is that what upset you?” Gabe asks gently. “You talked to your parents tonight?”

“Partly. Pathetic, isn’t it? I’m twenty-four, and what they think of me still bothers me.”

“It’s not pathetic, princess,” I say. “It’s normal.”

“They don’t think I’ll be able to cope living on my own. They still see me as an eighteen-year-old kid who can’t handle money. And theydefinitelysee me as a loser who’s wasting my time standing in front of cameras.”

“You’re doing what you love,” Gabe says.

“And you’re really good at it,” I add.

“You are anything but a loser, baby boy.”

“If that were true, they wouldn’t treat me like one.” Blake moves his arms from under his head and covers his face with his hands.

When he starts to cry, Gabe and I roll over and hug him, our foreheads resting against his shoulders. His body shudders between us, and each sob makes my heart break a little.

“What if they’re right?” he asks eventually, moving his hands to rest on his stomach. “I don’t have a stable job or a regular income. And that’s been okay because when I’ve had a really tight month, Archie and Corey have been there to help. But they’re not going to be there anymore.”

I guess that’s what was bothering him earlier before he spoke to his parents. As an only child, it’s hard for me to understand the bond siblings have, especially triplets who have lived together pretty much their whole lives. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for Blake to face the reality of living without his brothers or his niece. I’ve seen them together; it’s clear she means the world to him.

“I was going to continue living with Corey and Lexi,” Blake carries on. “But I’d never forgive myself if I was the reason we lost our home. That’s why I told them I couldn’t live with them. I’m not reliable enough, and Corey can’t afford to cover my share of the rent on his own. Not that he should have to. I should be able to pay my way month in, month out, but the truth is there are some months I can’t.” He rubs at his eyes and takes a few deep breaths. Not that it helps him to stop crying.

“My parents wouldn’t stop going on about how I have to grow up and get a proper job. Every time I screw up, or they think I’m about to screw up, they remind me of how they bailed me out financially when I was at uni. I guess they wouldn’t be so resentful about it if I’d actually got a good degree. But I didn’t. I wasted a whole year, got into debt, and hadnothingto show for it.”

“University isn’t for everyone,” I say.

“I didn’t go,” Gabe says. “I got an apprenticeship straight out of secondary school. I trained and qualified as a welder and then got my ropes qualifications. I adore what I do, but a degree wouldn’t have helped me one bit.”

“Did you go, Sir?” Blake asks.