Page 117 of B is for Beg

Blake:Yeah. I need some time to clear my head, that’s all.

Gabe:We’re here if you need us.

Blake:Where’s here?

Cal:Wherever you are. Tell us where you are, princess.

I phrase it as an order, not a question, intentionally.

Gabe:You don’t need to talk, but I think you need a hug.

Blake:Mopsies Park.

Cal:We’ll be there soon.

I grab my shoes and coat and head straight out the door without a second thought. I keep my phone in my hand as I walk to the station, figuring out in my mind the best route to take to get to Basildon quickly.

It takes me the best part of an hour to get to Basildon train station. The map app on my phone tells me the park is almost a mile and a half away or a half-hour walk. Deciding that’s too long, I take a taxi, which cuts the time down to less than ten minutes. I walk through the park briskly. It’s dark, and other than near the entrance, there’s no lighting. I’m about to call Blake’s phone when I see a dark form stretched out on the grass. Heart thumping, I head over.

Blake’s lying on the grass, arms folded behind his head, staring up at the stars. Without a word, I lie down beside him. Damn, the ground is cold.

“Hey,” he says.

“I thought you didn’t want to talk.”

He glances at me. “I don’t.”

I tuck one arm under my head and put my other hand on his thigh. “What are you looking at?”

“The stars.”

I leave it at that and stare up at the sky with him. I’m not sure how long we lie there before Gabe joins us, only that my body is cold and my limbs are stiff. I wish I’d had the foresight to bring a blanket. Gabe lies on the other side of Blake, his hand on our boy’s other thigh, mirroring mine.

“We’re looking at the stars,” I tell him.

“It’s an amazing view,” Gabe says. “There’s too much light pollution where I live to be able to see them clearly. I didn’t know you were into stargazing, baby boy.”

“I’m not anymore,” Blake says wistfully. “I enjoyed it when I was a kid. Archie was a dinosaur nerd, and I knew everything there was to know about stars. Dad and I used to lie on a blanket in the park, talking about the constellations. Mum used to get really annoyed that we’d be out so late, especially on nights when there were meteor showers.” Blake sighs. “That was back when Dad and I had anything in common at all.”

“You don’t anymore?” I ask.

Blake presses his lips together.

“I asked you a question, princess.”

“I don’t want to burden you.”

I push up onto my elbow. “Burden us? Blake, we love you. We want to take care of you. I know damn well you’d be the first person to offer either of us a shoulder to cry on if we were upset.”

“I don’t like seeing other people sad,” he whispers.

“Right now,you’resad,” Gabe says. “Let us help you.”

Blake nods uncertainly.

“You were telling us about your dad,” I prompt. “You said you don’t have anything in common anymore.”

“It doesn’t feel like we do. He started making excuses as to why we couldn’t go stargazing, so after a while, I stopped asking.”