Page 109 of B is for Beg

She shakes her head.

“I think you do have enough room.” I touch my fingers to her chest, over her heart. “I think you have the biggest heart imaginable.” I tickle her, making her giggle and squeal.

She throws her arms around my neck and hugs me tight. “I love you, Uncle Blake.”

“I love you too.”

She lets go, and I stand so we can carry on walking. I’m glad I’ve cheered her up, but my heart is heavy. I’ve seen how happy Corey has been over the last few weeks. His eyes literally light up whenever he’s talking about Spence or is about to see him. It’s probably only a matter of time—and Lexi’s acceptance—before they want to spend a lot more time together, maybe even move in together. Spence spending the night is the first step towards that.

We go into the first estate agent we come across and go to the rental section. Lexi stares at the leaflets of houses. She can’t read well enough to understand all the details, but she can definitely look at the pictures. I lift her onto my shoulders so she can see the ones on display higher up the board. After about ten minutes, she shrieks in delight.

“This one!”

I look at the leaflet she’s pointing at. Specifically, she’s showing me a bright pink bedroom. The house itself looks lovely. It’s got more of a cottage vibe than the place we currently live in. The kitchen and lounge are in separate rooms, which is a definite bonus, and it even has a downstairs toilet. It has an ‘easy to maintain’ garden, whatever that means. There’s just one problem.

“It’s only got two bedrooms,” Lexi says, disappointment making her voice dull. “I’ll keep looking.”

My heart wrenches. Maybe it’s not a problem at all. I think everyone—except Lexi—would probably agree that Corey would be better off living without me. Besides, if his relationship with Spence keeps going from strength to strength, whatever house he moves into now will probably be a stopgap before they find somewhere together. Plus, I know how much Lexi wants a pink bedroom. The trouble with renting is you’re generally stuck with whatever decor the landlord has picked, which is usually white or beige.

“It’s a beautiful house,” I say.

The price is good too. From my limited knowledge of Corey’s income, I’m pretty sure he could afford the rent comfortably each month. “And it’s close to your school.”

“But it’s too small.”

“We should take the details to show your dad.” My voice is thick with emotion.

“But—”

I set Lexi down on the floor and turn her to face me. “Do you like it?”

“Yes, but—”

“Then we should show your dad.”

Her eyes are big and wide as she stares up at me. “What about you?”

I take a breath, trying to calm the mess of emotions rising within me. “If you and your dad love this house, I can find somewhere on my own.”

“But—” Her chin and lower lip quiver.

“Finding a place for the three of us is going to be hard, Lexi. I think it’s more important that you find somewhere you love than that we all live together. I’ll still come visit and pick you up from school when I can.”

I hadn’t really thought about living on my own until this moment, but maybe it’s time I did. I’ve leaned on my brothers most of my adult life, and while the arrangement has been mutually beneficial up until now, I’m not sure it is any longer. Corey deserves the space to explore his relationship with Spence without me getting under his feet constantly. Plus, not having to worry about my fluctuating income will make him feel more secure financially. We’ve managed because Archie and Corey have worked together to see us through my dry months, but Corey won’t be able to do that on his own. This is the right decision for me to make. It’s a grown-up decision. But fuck, it hurts. The look in Lexi’s eyes isn’t helping much.

I turn around and wave to get the attention of one of the estate agents. “Can we see the full details for this house, please?” I ask, pointing at the one with the pink room.

“Of course.” She goes away, returning a few minutes later with the full leaflet. “Is there anything else I can help with?”

“When is it available?”

“Right now. It’s new on the market, and I doubt it’ll stay for long. So if you’re interested, you should get an application in right away.”

“Can I take one to fill in at home?”

“Sure.” She goes back to her desk to retrieve the application form.

Lexi and I sit on one of the sofas and look at the details together. I can tell by the excited noises she makes that she’s falling more and more in love with the house with every passing second. I pull my phone out to text Corey.