Page 110 of B is for Beg

Blake:Lexi and I have found a wonderful house. You’ll love it.

Corey:Great. I’ll be home soon. You can show me the details then.

Blake:The estate agent says it’s going to be popular.

Corey:They always say that. They get commission off rents, you know.

Blake:I know. Want me to fill a form in just in case?

Corey:Sure. Why not? We can always back out if I don’t like it.

Blake:Lexi might kill you if you don’t.

Corey:Probably.I trust your judgement. Fill the form in.

I kneel on the floor and fill the form in, using all Corey’s details rather than my own. I double-check his income with him via text and how much he wants to pay on rent each month. I was right. He can afford it. When I’m done, I give Lexi a crossed fingers gesture. She crosses her fingers on both her hands. We hand the form in, and I arrange a viewing for Saturday afternoon. We walk home, Lexi chattering about the house the whole way. My heart fractures a little more with every excited word she utters. I want her to be happy, so I keep a smile fixed on my face.

Corey gets home about ten minutes later. Lexi barrels into him before he’s got his coat and shoes off. I sit on the bottom step, watching them as she shows him the details of the house.

“It looks amazing,” Corey says, excitement lighting up his eyes. Then his expression falters. “Blake… it’s a two-bed house. You mustn’t have noticed.”

“I did.” My voice is thick again.

He stares at me. “We need a three-bed house.”

I shake my head. “You and Lexi need to find somewhere you love, and you clearly both do. I’ve booked a viewing for three on Saturday afternoon. Maybe you could take Spence and see what he thinks?”

“Blake…”

Lexi clings on to Corey, her stare fixed on me.

“It’s okay. We both know my income isn’t reliable enough. I don’t want you to have to worry about whether or not we can afford to pay rent each month. This way, you won’t have to worry at all.” I clear my throat. “It’s a six-month rolling lease. So you’ll have options if…” I trail off, not really wanting to broach the possibility of Corey and Spence moving in together in front of Lexi. “I know you can afford it, and I’ll still pick up Lexi from school whenever I can. Nothing much will change.”

“Everything will change,” Corey whispers. “I… wasn’t expecting this.”

“It’s the right decision.”

He nods slowly, adding another fracture to my heart. How much more can it take before it shatters completely?

“What will you do?” Corey asks.

I shrug. “I’ll find somewhere as cheap as possible. Maybe a bed-sit or a room in a shared house. I spend a lot of time with Gabe and Calvin, so I won’t be there much anyway. It’ll just be a base. Somewhere to keep my stuff and crash if I need to, but cheap enough I can afford it on a bad month.”

Corey looks at the floor. “You’re not planning on moving in with them?”

“We haven’t talked about it.”

“I thought that might be the real reason you don’t want to live with us.”

Tears flood into my eyes. “Idowant to live with you.” I really need this conversation to end. “It’s just…”

“Not the right call,” Corey finishes for me. He shakes his head. “Damn, Blake. I wish you’d told me this was what you wanted to do.”

“I didn’t know,” I admit. “I just sort of realised this was the best option while Lexi and I were at the estate agent. I want you both to be happy and secure. Me living with you would jeopardise that, and I can’t do that, Corey. I just can’t.”

Corey’s eyes are bright with unshed tears. “Thanks, Blake.”

It’s good that he’s giving up so easily, but it stings a little too.