Page 114 of B is for Beg

Fucking great. He probably heard every word I said, which would be enough to figure out why I’m upset. One of the reasons anyway. My parents’ opinions were too much on top of everything else that’s happened over the last few days.

“Blake will talk to you later,” Corey says, which means he must have picked up the phone. There’s a pause. Our parents must be saying something. “Now’s not a good time. Bye.”

He sits beside me, but I stand and go into the porch to put my shoes and coat on.

“Blake—”

I shake my head. “I’m going out.” My voice is hoarse and fractured. If I stay here, Corey will make me talk, and I’m not in the right frame of mind for that. I need to be alone for a while.

“Where?”

“What are you? My fucking keeper?” I suck in a breath. “Fuck. I didn’t mean that.” He’s the third person I’ve snapped at today. This isn’t me at all.

“It’s okay,” Corey says.

“No, it’s not. It’s yet more proof that I’m a waste of space.”

“That’s not true.”

I give Corey a withering stare. “I know you all think I am.” Sooner or later, Gabe and Calvin are going to realise I am too.

“Blake. Don’t go. Stay, calm down, and we can talk about it.”

“I don’t want to talk!” It’s a fight to keep my voice quiet so I don’t wake Lexi. “I just… I need some fresh air.”

“At least tell me where you’re going.”

“I don’t know. Around. Somewhere. I’ll be home soon. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“Iamworried. Stay.”

“I can’t. Not right now. I’ll be okay,” I promise as I open the door. “I’m not going to do anything stupid. I’m just going to walk around and clear my head. Okay?”

“Blake, please.” Corey’s standing now, his expression desperate despite my reassurances. “You’re upset. Don’t go out.”

Our conversation is going to keep going around in circles, me telling Corey I’m going while he begs me to stay. I put an end to it by walking out and shutting the door behind me. When Corey calls my name, I ignore him and break into a run. It’s probably shitty of me, but I know he can’t follow me, as he’ll never leave Lexi alone in the house. I meant what I said. I need time alone. I need… Fuck only knows what I need. To not be the loser my family thinks I am? To develop thicker skin so my parents’ words stop cutting so deep?

I need to stop hurting.

24

Calvin

“I want to run something by you,” I say when Gabe answers my call.

“Sounds intriguing.”

“What would you say if I suggested you, Blake, and I should move in together?”

Expressing the thought out loud isn’t even remotely scary. If anything, it excites me. It’s that same feeling as when you’ve been away for too long, and your heart is pumping at the thought of going home and snuggling into your own bed. It’s dampened a little because Gabe isn’t saying anything.

“I was just thinking that Blake’s going to have to sign up to a six-month lease,” I say, voicing my thought process out loud. “I don’t know about you, but I can see us talking about living together within that time, which means our princess would end up paying rent on a place he’s barely living in.”

Gabe chuckles. “Something tells me he’ll barely be living there anyway.”

“Exactly.”

“Where would we live?” Gabe asks.