Page 94 of Alpha Mates

I could kill them all.

Snap.

Lifting one corner of the rag, I look down at my right hand and my broken index finger. Through the blood red tint clouding over my vision, I watch quietly. It takes a few seconds, but the finger reconstructs itself until it’s wholly mended, as if nothing happened.

I wiggle it a bit before I dig into my pocket and call the first number on my speed dial.

“Emitt. I’m coming tonight … Yes, I’m sure … I’m fine.”

When I hang up, I let the freezing cloth fall back down over my eyes, and as the silence pulls me back under, I slide my thumb over the next knuckle.

Chapter 18

Julian

I stare at the polished wood of my front door, hoping that maybe this time, I’ll muster up the courage to go inside.

I do not.

A sigh slips from my lips as I step back, allowing myself a moment of respite before I make my next attempt.

How long could this go on, really? I’d already been out here for five minutes, and by Goddess’s grace, I wouldn’t make it ten. Right?

I hope not, because this isn’t just embarrassing anymore. It’s shameful.

I’m the one who preached about talking it out when things got weird, and in a turn of events, Aiden’s the one sticking to that agreement while I completely disregard its existence. It’s not that I want to, I just hadn’t been prepared for what we’d done. Or really, how I’d reacted to what we’d done.

I’m an alpha, the leader of one of the strongest packs in this corner of the world, and I lay on my back and spread my legs for another alpha to rut against me. My embarrassingly quick end was bad enough on its own, but worse was that I didn’t loathe the memories. I want more, so much more, and I have no idea how to deal with acknowledging that.

If it were just me, I’d spend weeks, if not months, pretending nothing happened, but it’s not just me anymore. There’s Aiden. Aiden, who wants to talk about it.

Groaning, I pace the small stretch of my doorstep one more time. I have to go inside. I can’t keep hiding—I’ve reached new lows trying to—it’s not fair to him. So, the only option is to bite the bullet. Otherwise, Aiden would take it for me, and that isn’t an option—not when he hadn’t done a singlething I didn’t want that day.

Stopping my fruitless pacing, I face the door and square my shoulders. Time to face the music. It won’t be pretty, but this is my mate—this is Aiden. I can do this.

When I finally step inside, Aiden doesn’t jump out in an attempt to corner me. The front of the house is just as I’d left it this morning, and uncomfortably empty. I toe my shoes off while I peer inside, but there’s no sign of Aiden other than the rag hanging off the edge of the couch.

Ears twitching, I find his heartbeat and it draws me down the hall, but before I get far, Aiden comes barrelling out of our room. He stops mid-step with his hand over one wrist, faltering at the sight of me while my heart leaps in my chest.

“Hey,” I whisper, and that seems to break the spell.

“Hey,” he greets as he carries on. He walks straight by me, heading for the shoe rack.

“What’s going on?” I ask, turning to follow. It’s then that I notice that he’s dressed up, wearing jeans instead of sweats, and his shades are on.

“I’m heading out.” He grabs his black boots and barely glances at me as sits on the edge of the couch to work the knotted laces out.

“Out?”

“Yeah. Emitt wanted to go out, so we’re going out,” he replies dully. I stiffen uncomfortably, and he adds, “Don’t worry, I’m not expecting you to come. I know you don’t like leaving the pack.”

My lips part to voice that I don’t like either of us leaving our packlands, but I don’t manage anything because his shoulders are stiff, and he isn’t looking at me. I can’t even blame him.

Sooner or later, he was bound to get fed up with waiting for me. Fed up with me clinging to him one minute and avoiding him the next. I kept messing us up, and now Aiden is basically running out of the house.

My chest tightens as I step forward, fingers twitching to reach for him. I’m so used to touching him now that it feels weird not to, but I don’t know how to get back to normal with how far I’d pried us apart.

What can I say to make Aiden happy?