Page 229 of Alpha Mates

Goddess, Imissedhis smiles. I missed them so much. I missed his laugh, his scolding glare, his never-ending warmth … his touch.

“Are you going to come back home?”

I blink quickly, focusing my mind with effort as Julian glances at me from over his shoulder.

“When I’m better,” I say.

His eyes narrow. I spot confusion first, and then all the waiting sadness. He turns back to the eggs, whisking harder.

“I don’t know how long it’ll take,” I continue quickly, but I waver on the next part before I add, “so you should head back when you’re well.”

Julian tenses, his hands coming to an abrupt halt. His breaths turn shallow, and I’m almost grateful for the mercy of not having to face him as I force out the last bit.

“The pack needs at least one of us there, and you’ve already been gone too long—”

“No.”

When he turns to face me, his eyes are so cold it makes my skin itch.

I swallow. “It wasn’t a suggestion, Julian.”

“It’s not an option either,” he snaps viciously. “I’m not going back without you, Aiden. I’m not leaving until we fix this, no matter how long it takes. I’m not leaving.”

“Julian—”

“Don’tJulianme,” he voice cracks with fury. “I’m not—You have no idea what it’s been like without you. You weren’t there. You wereherewhile I had to spend every day inourhome without you.”

He’s seething now, emotions uncapped, and there’s no putting them away.

“Do you know what it’s like to be surrounded by pieces of you and not have you?” His voice wavers. “To hang onto anything I could find with your scent on it just to feel close again? What it’s like avoiding the spaces you used the most, because I know you’re not there?” His eyes glisten. “It was hell, Aiden.Hell.”

I can only stare at the floor, shame finding me, and he keeps going.

“I’m not going back. Not without you. End of.”

He turns, bracing his hands on the counter as he tries to catch his breath. He stares down at the half-beaten eggs, and I stare at him.

My lips part, but nothing seems right with this guilt tormenting me.

Being apart from Julian hadn’t been easy, but it’s becoming increasingly clear how much harder it was for him.

I’d felt empty without him.

He’d shattered.

And I understood why. I left him in the home we’d built together, chosen for our future, without me. And I’d left him to endure that for weeks.

“I’m sorry,” I manage. “I wasn’t thinking.”

Julian scoffs a laugh. “No, you were thinking—thinking about the pack, about you. You were thinking, just not about me.”

My next breath is a choked one, strangled by the regret that doubles in my chest.

Before I can get another apology out, he abandons breakfast and turns to face me. His pain hits me all at once. Pain I now realise he’s been pushing down for me.

“It wasn’t only me, Aiden.” His lips tremble, but his eyes are hard. “I know I hurt you. What I said was awful. But you really hurt me too. You justleft.”

“I know,” I mumble, but he shakes his head.