Page 41 of Alpha Mates

Full-fledged panic blooms inside of me.

Since that moment in his father’s office, all I wanted was to be apart from Julian. I would’ve given anything for it. Anything to go back to living my life like before, with our bond as something we just learnt to live around. But then a week had passed where I spent every waking moment with him, and I … I got used to it—tohim.

I got used to working with him to piece together our new pack. To having dinner together, and lunch and breakfast too. To the way his eyes lit up when he solved something, and the small smiles that sometimes broke through all the cold he usually gave off.

Without realising it, I got used to having Julian in my life, and now he wants us to just go back to normal? As if normal is even a thing Icanwant anymore? It isn’t. What I want, is for us to stay together and keep things as they are now. I want … I want us to stay together.

Thankfully, what I want isn’t necessarily what I have to admit, so I keep those awful thoughts to myself, clear my throat, and say, “Sounds good to me.”

“Okay, enough of this.”

I startle when Julian drops his fork on his plate and glares at me.

“What’s wrong?”

“What?”

“What’s wrong?” he repeats, slow and deliberate. “You’ve been acting strange since Sunday. You haven’t stopped frowning. You snap at the strangest things, and—I can’t believe I’m actually pointing this blessing out—but you’ve been quiet.”

I glare back, and he throws his hands up as if I’ve proved his point.

“Nothing’s wrong,” I mutter, shoving another spoonful of rice into my mouth. “I’m fine.”

I am not fine. I am so not fine.

Things were already rocky for me after Julian declared he was perfectly happy to spend half of his days away from me. I spent the rest of the week all kinds of keyed up, and then this afternoon, we’d tested the bond at the elders’ suggestion. When that door closed between us and nothing happened, my heart plummeted.

It wasn’t pain, because there was none of that. That’d disappeared along with the hysterical urge to touch him, and left behind only a hollow feelingthat I could live with. It was realising that we had no excuse to stay together. My heart sank like a stone in water while Julian fell to his knees and thanked our Goddess for her many blessings.

Not long after, he announced he’d be going back to his beloved human school. I’d expected that. What I hadn’t expected, was him declaring that he’d be doing sotomorrow.

I’d tried to act happy as well, but I didn’t know how to fake anything around Julian, and he’d been giving me suspicious looks ever since. Thankfully, he hadn’t said anything about it—not until now.

“Is it about tomorrow?” he presses when the silence lingers. I glance up sharply. “That’s it? You don’t want to lead the search anymore?”

My shoulders fall. I drop my gaze to my plate. “I’m looking forward to the search. Like I said, I’m fine.”

“Aiden.”

Goddess, why did my name sound different coming from him now?

“You’re not fine. So stop dragging this out and just tell me.”

Let’s just go with him,Max eagerly suggests while he paces within my mind.What are a few more months of school?

Hell, I answer, but he knows that.

It’ll be a worse hell to let him go tomorrow.

It will. But how do I even put that into words in this fucked up situation?

The fact that Julian and I are mates has become more or less normal at this point, but not everything that comes with it. Like noticing the little things about him, and the way I search for more—thatis not normal. And then there’s trying to distinguish the bond’s influence from my own feelings, because the bond drew you to a person, it didn’t make you suddenly like them, and these days with Julian, I—

“Fine,” he sighs, dragging me back. He’s frowning now, but it’s not one of his usual cold ones. It’s more like a pout, and there’s hurt in his eyes. “Forget I even—”

“I’m coming with you tomorrow.”

Not normal.