Page 365 of Alpha Mates

They stop talking. Stop spilling truths I wish I’d never heard.

I should’ve stayed away. I should’ve kept to myself until the day they mustered up the courage to come to me, if they ever did, because clearly that’s why they stayed away since the fight. They were afraid and ashamed, but not of me … not of what the rogues had done to their son … but of themselves and all the ways they’d failed me.

My chest heaves as my breaths bellow out of me. It’s like I’m crashing even though I’m standing still, and I know it’s just a matter of time before I do.

I straighten and pin my eyes on the space between them.

My lips part, but I don’t know what to say.

Leave.

I hate you.

I’ll never forgive you.

All of it sits on the tip of my tongue, but none of it comes out. I can’t speak a single one, so I stop trying. I turn and leave the way I came, running from the haunted house of memories I didn’t realise were still alive.

I expect my feet to take me to Julian. I think that’s where I’m heading to relieve the pounding in my head and put a stop to the tears, but it’s not.

I end up in the solitary depths of the pack, where guards stand sentry outside steel gates. They open them for me without a word, and I rush down the spiral staircase like they’re on fire.

The bottom is dark, damp, and poorly lit. There’s a single melting candle that casts a weak shadow, but I don’t need the light to see the figure chained to the wall. A tray of familiar tools are laid out in front of him, all the ones I picked, should this day ever come.

For a moment, with Julian and Levi, I thought it wouldn’t. I didn’t need it because what room was there for this darkness when I had them, but then my parents shovelled their shit down my throat and told me to swallow, and now here I am, back in the darkness.

Reon lifts his head and peers into the shadows as I step towards him and yank the chain down just enough for his left arm to drop free. It hangs limply, even when I grab his hand and spread his thin fingers.

If he sees me, all he catches is a glimpse before I break the first finger.

Julian wipes the cloth down my back, scrubbing away the sweat before he moves onto my arms to wash away the blood. His touch is gently, familiar,and I soak in every pass of his hands. It’s the only thing that doesn’t feel numb.

The tears had stopped by the time he found me. So had everything else. The misery drained out with each snap of bone and ruptured inch of skin, until there was only quiet left. It stayed, dull and unfeeling, even after Julian pried the knife from my hand and took me home.

Levi was thankfully sleeping. My eyes were still burning, still feral, and I couldn’t bear to have him see me. One day, he’ll have to see them, but I can’t handle him fearing me. Not tonight.

I told Julian what happened when he got me into our room, wanting to get it all out while I was still numb. He listened quietly until I shared my parents’ mangled truths that had the bond flaring with his pain and shock. Then, his soft cries came as he hugged me.

Julian’s fingers glide through my hair, working the shampoo in while I stare at the water.

I keep wanting to take over, to say I’ll do it myself, but my tongue stays limp in my mouth, the strength bled from my veins. So, he cleans me, washes me until the only visible evidence of the day washes down the drain.

When he’s done, I step into the towel he holds out for me. I dry myself, capable of doing that much, and he stands close until he can discard the towel and lead me to our room. He keeps the light on and crawls under the covers behind me. He pulls me to him, tucking me into his protective arms as the night sets in, after yet another agonising day.

I wonder when these will stop. If they’re just the price for the happiness we’ve found together. I wonder if Goddess made us just to test how much we could take. And I wonder, if my parents meant what they said, why neither of them came after me.

“The worst part is they never said sorry,” I whisper into Julian’s chest.

He presses a kiss to my head as his heart hammers for me. Mine tries to do the same, but it remains at its slow, stubborn pace.

I listen to it, focus on it, and fall asleep to its sure rhythm with a promise in my mind.

I don’t know what kind of father I’ll be, but I know I’ll never do this to them. I would be better. So much better.

Chapter 73

Aiden

“Where is he?” I ask the second I’m through the front door.