Page 313 of Alpha Mates

“I—” he starts as guilt quickly trickles into his gaze. “I haven’t been paying enough attention.” He admits before swallowing with effort. “H-how do you feel about it?”

I accept his deflection without comment. “Truthfully? I’m not the biggest fan of kids, and I’ve never liked the idea of having them as werewolves.”

“Why not?” he asks, almost defensively.

“It can be confusing, for them and for us,” I reply with a shrug. “The kid has to grow up with four parents, which must be a shitshow when you’re trying to figure out who your ‘real’ parents.”

“But they understand the concept as they grow with it,” Alex defends, and I huff a laugh.

“Sure, but even for us, they’re ours too, but we’d only get to see them sometimes. The rest of the time, we’d be watching from the sidelines.”

I already knew I wouldn’t like that. I liked the idea of family too much to, even despite the state of the household I found myself a part of.

Leah and Hayes, Aiden’s parents’ wolves, had never wanted to know me. From the very beginning, they had made it clear that they were the wolves in charge, and I was meant to respect them. I had no problem doing that, but I wouldn’t have minded if they’d wanted more—to get to know me perhaps. Unfortunately, that was not the way most wolves worked.

“I never thought about it like that,” Alex whispers as his frown fades, and he slumps.

I offer him a weak smile before continuing onwards. “It would be more trouble than it’s worth.”

Alex’s steps sound behind me as he follows mutely.

The morning light paves the way as we go, but I hardly pay attention. I at least got Alex to talk to me, and if I kept that up, maybe he’d listen to my apologies next. I’d tried several times since our first night, but every time I started, he cut me off.

“The wolf would be our kid!”

The exclamation makes me pause as I turn to meet Alex’s glowing gaze.

“What?”

“The kid’s wolf. It’ll be our own,” he says as he rushes forward. “Julian and Aiden can raise their kid as theirs, and when their wolf comes along, we’ll love it as our own.”

“But they won’t get their wolf until they’re twelve.”

“Who cares?” he says with excitement that is as infectious as he is. “That kidwillbe ours too. We’ll love them and treasure them, and the wolf will come when they come. And when they do, we’ll love them as well.”

I shift my gaze over his face, lingering on the smile that makes him glow from the inside out.

I feel my lips twitch at the corners. “I guess you really like kids?”

“Like?” he gawks as he bounces on the spot. “I love them! They’re so happy, and they live without a care in the world. I’m so jealous of them. They do whatever they want, whenever they want to, knowing they don’t have to worry about it and throw a tantrum when they don’t get their way. I love them for the exact reasons Julian hates them, but I can’t help it. Kids are awesome,” he coos as he drifts off into his own world. “We’re going to be the best parents ever!”

It’s like a silver bullet to my heart.

“You still want that with me?” I can’t help but speak the question aloud, and I don’t regret it even as it steals his smile away. “We’re talking about raising children when you can barely look at me.”

Alex flinches as if my words struck him. He parts his lips as he stares at me, but I can’t console him when the last thing he wants is me.

“It’s fine,” I sigh as I try to force my frustration away.

Now isn’t the time to push him, not when things between us are so fragile. I turn back to our path, but Alex grabs my hand before I can take a single step.

“I do,” he states as he pulls me to face him. Heart frozen, I can do nothing but stare as I meet his lost gaze. “I want to have children and grow old, and I want—” he pauses as he peers at me. “I want to do it with you, Max.”

“I want that too, Alex,” I whisper, almost begging as I risk stepping closer. “Does that mean… do you forgive me?” I ask the words even already knowing the answer, so the way he tenses doesn’t surprise me. That doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

“It’s …” he pauses as his shoulders slump. “It still hurts, Max. Ithurts.”

“I know,” I mumble, voice breaking as I struggle to keep myself on my feet. “And I know it’s my fault. I made a promise, and I broke it. And I’m so sorry, Alex.” When he looks away, I risk a step forward. “I know you can’t forgive me right now, but … do youwantto?”