Page 247 of Alpha Mates

I try to stay calm for him, but I fail despite how desperately I try.

I’ve heard of peoples’ wolves leaving them, and no matter the cause, it never ends well. One couldn’t survive without the other, and if Julian’s been doing this all alone this whole time, he must’ve been in hell.

“When did this happen?” I croak.

“A little after you left,” he mumbles.

Fresh guilt tears through Max and me.

“He couldn’t take being away from you and Max. It was killing him a-and I wasn’t doing well. He tried to keep us together,” he sobs. “He tried so hard, and then one day, he just …”

Julian doesn’t finish. His sobs stop him from getting another word out as he falls against me, clinging to me so desperately that it sends us to our knees.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, trying to hug him to me as if that could protect him when the wounds are already gaping. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“It’s okay. W-we’re okay.” He says it like he’s trying to convince himself, like it’s his very last hope. His misery pours into me, showing me just how much damage I’ve caused to my mate.

“It’s not okay,” I rasp, holding him tighter. “I won’t ever leave you again. I promise, I—I’m sorry, Julian. I’m so sorry.”

“I washappy tonight,” he whispers into the crook of my neck. “I wasn’t pretending. We had dinner, and we laughed and talked like we used to. I-I was so happy, and I just wanted it to last because I don’t know … I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“Nothing’s going to happen,” I say, too fast, too sure. I pull back so I can make him believe it, but when I meet his vacant eyes, a sudden weight settles in my chest.

“I can feel it already,” he confesses, voice trembling. “What it’s like without Alex. It’s wrong, Aiden. Everything feels so … empty. I can’t focus on things sometimes—sometimes I forget what’s happening …”

“Julian,” I try, eyes filling.

“I try not to,” he whimpers as fresh tears spill down his cheeks. “I try, Aiden. But I don’t know how to stop it.”

“Hey.” I grab his face, wiping his tears with my thumbs. “Everything is going to be fine. You’re going to be okay.”

He shakes his head, crying harder. “No, I’m not,” he says. “Not without Alex.”

Julian sobs in my arms, and my heart clamps down on itself as I watch him unravel. I can’t stop it. I don’t know how to make him believe me.

“I won’t be okay. I’m … I-I don’t even feel like me, and I hate myself for letting it happen. I want to be happy with you—every night, every day,all the time, but—”

“Stop talking like that!” I snarl, gripping his shoulders like I can keep him here by force. “You’re always going to be you, Julian.MyJulian—my stubborn, perfect Jewels—and you’re going to be fine.” It’s half promise, half prayer.

“You still feel him. That means there’s still time. We’ll find a way to fix this, so stop,” I beg as I rest my head on his chest to hide the tear that escapes from the corner of my eyes. “Stop. Please … just stay with me.”

Julian stops. He doesn’t say a word as his hands slide over my back, rubbing slow circles like I’m the one who’s lost. His touch is awfully gentle, his heartbeat slow—tired like the rest of him. And that breaks me.

But it doesn’t matter what it does to me. Not when we’re caught in this wreckage of what I’ve done to him.

I broke my mate … and I hadn’t even realised.

Chapter 50

Julian

“Aiden, slow down.” I reach for his shoulder, but he shrugs past my hand and throws his duffle onto the couch. “Aiden.”

“We need to head back, Julian.” His tone is clipped as he grabs whatever’s within reach and stuffs it into the bag. “There’s no time toslow down. We need to leave. Now.”

I just stare at him, but he won’t even look at me. If he did, that would require stopping to breathe—and I don’t think he’s taken a proper breath since I told him I was losing Alex.

Guilt stirs in my chest, but even if I’d told him sooner, not much would’ve changed. It’s not like there’s a fix for this, and I just wanted to hold on to something good after all the bad. More than that, I didn’t want to believe it myself.