Page 232 of Alpha Mates

“Once,” I admit, tightening my hold on his hand to keep him still. “And I saw enough to know you didn’t enjoy it. You looked …”

“Go on,” he encourages when the silence lingers for too long. “If we’re talking about this, no point sugarcoating it.”

“You looked like you were chasing ghosts,” I finish in a careful whisper. “The rest of the wolves were excited by the kill. You just looked desperate, like you needed to get rid of them before they could get rid of you.”

Aiden’s gaze shifts down, settling instead on our hands. His thumb curls over his index finger, pressing hard against the knuckle. I frown as I ease it open.

“Aiden.” I take his face in my palm, bringing his watering eyes to mine. “It’s not just hatred, is it?”

Red flickers through the brown of his eyes. He’s scared too, terrified at what I’ll see without his permission. But he also seems relieved. Maybe to finally have someonereallylook at him. He shakes his head, barely.

I don’t have the full picture yet, but I know my mate. Iseehim.

“I’m sorry I lied,” he whispers, fingers tightening around mine. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it.”

“It’s okay,” I promise, cupping his cheek, offering him the same comfort he always gave me. “It’s okay.”

“I shouldn’t have left you,” he whispers, and the words are like a soothing hand, stitching something back together in me. “I just … don’t know how to talk about it. It’s—” he shakes his head. “It’s too much, Julian.”

My heart breaksas I wrap my arms around him, taking over for him so that he’s cradled against me while his back heaves.

“You don’t have to tell me now,” I say into his hair. “Just know that when you do, I’ll listen to every word. I’m always on your side, Aiden.”

“I know,” he whispers on the edge of a sob. “I’ve always known that. That’s why I don’t know how everything fell apart like this.”

To hear the same thing I’ve pondered for weeks spoken aloud makes my chest feel heavy with new sadness. We were so good, and then so bad, and it happened so quickly I could barely put together how.

“We learnt how to hurt each other before we learnt how to love each other,” I remind him while I card my fingers through his hair. “In a horrible way, it makes sense that when we felt cornered, that’s what we reverted to.”

He pulls back, stares up at me with wet, dark eyes.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He shakes his head, a small smile creeping on his lips. “Sometimes, I just … I forget how fucking brilliant you are.”

Heat fills my cheeks as I try not to squirm, but it’s hard, especially when he’s looking at me like that, with something other than sadness or misery. It’s been so long.

I’d gotten used to being the centre of Aiden’s world—his joy, his focus, his desire—and I wanted that back desperately. I was so set on getting back to before, I never thought different could still be good.

But as he looks at me now, it’s not the same. It’s steadier, grounded in trust.

“Goddess, I’ve missed that blush,” he says, amusement making him brighten all over even before the sun shifts to shine solely on him. “I’ve missed everything about you, Julian.”

My heart stumbles and doesn’t try to right itself. “I’ve missed you, too,” I reply longingly, shifting closer. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Something in him relents, softening as he takes a mirrored hold of me. His strong fingers slide through my hair, scraping over my scalp, grounding me as his soul slowly reaches for mine.

“I really do love you, Aiden,” I whisper, threading the promise. “More than you could ever know. When I say those words to you, I mean them.”

“I know,” he says after some time, and I almost sob with relief. “Nothing felt right, back then, when it was all happening, but I know.” He peers at me, lips twitching. “I know you love me.”

“Does this mean you forgive me?” I ask, just barely managing to get the words out.

I don’t want to push my luck, but I can’t take this—us being so close, if he’s going to pull away again. But Aiden doesn’t pull away.

The warmth in his eyes rivals the sun on my back.

“Yes,” he says, lifting a finger between us. “But only on one condition.”