Page 267 of Alpha Mates

I don’t know ifsadis the word.Guiltdoesn’t really fit either. Before everything went to shit, I’d planned to tell Julian about my past. I was working up to it, but then we’d gone stumbling back down the way we’d come, and I shoved it down until he showed up to fight for us.

But now Alex is back, and I don’t have to tell him … but I want to. I want to start clean. No secrets or ghosts between us. Nothing left that could ever pull us apart again.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” he says, and by Goddess, I want to. But I don’t know how to do this.

I’ve never talked about what had happened. Not in the way I want to with Julian. And fuck it, Idowant to tell him—everything. Even if it hurts, even if it makes me feel weak. He deserves to know. Because I know everything about him now. He trusted me with himself—every part—and I trust him.

“Aiden,” he whispers my name with so much devotion, and it’s what ultimately breaks me.

I sit back down on the edge of the bed, and Julian sits beside me, his eyes trained on me.

I take a deep breath before I speak.

“I was seven, not six.”

Julian stiffens at my side, barely daring to breathe. “Is this …”

I nod stiffly, my gaze on our clasped hands. “I was seven when they took me.”

Chapter 54

Aiden

“I, uh … I don’t know where to start,” I admit with a rough chuckle that scratches at my throat.

I glance at Julian, wondering if he can tell how fucking terrified I am right now, but there’s nothing in his eyes but silent support.

“At the beginning,” he says, his hand running up and down the length of my spine.

Like it’s that easy. I have the urge to scoff or maybe shout, but I can’t. I don’t even really want to. It’s just nerves and fear—the ingrained fear that always shut me up before I could get a word out. To share was to trust someone with me, and I didn’t trust anyone with that.

I trust Julian, though. I trust him with everything—and I can trust him with this. With me.

Nodding, I work in a deep breath. I keep my eyes on him—don’t let them waver, don’t fucking dare—because I know the second I do, I’ll start back-pedalling again, and I need him to get me through this.

“I … I was sleeping when I heard a window break—or I was trying to,” I start carefully. “There was a pack meeting that night, and my parents left me at our house because I was sick. I begged them to take me anyway, but when werewolves get sick, nobody wants that spreading, right?” A humourless chuckle slips past my lips.

“I wasn’t alone. They said they left me with guards, but they must’ve gotten through them because—” My fingers clench tight as red flashes before my eyes. “It all happened so fast. The window broke, and then they were there—in my room and covered in blood.” So much blood.

I clear my throat. “I tried calling for help, but they were moving so fast, and we were out of the packlands in seconds … it felt like seconds. I tried fighting them off, but what can a kid really do against grown men?” My shoulders drop.

“I got in a few punches, but that just made them mad. I wasn’t supposed to resist—they wanted me to learn that early. So they started beating me. Kicking me, punching me … spitting on me. A group of them, just hitting me over and over and over, and the red—” Blood and bloody irises. “The only thing I could see in the dark was their red eyes.”

My breaths rush in one after the other, filling my lungs too quickly while I stare unseeing at the floor. Our familiar floorboards morph into dirt instead, twisting to dark shades of brown as the scent of iron fills my nose.

“Breathe,” Julian whispers as he inches closer, consuming the remaining space between us. His eyes are so soft when I meet them, so gentle, even with the anger brewing there. “Breathe, Aiden.”

I do—taking each breath and focusing only on conquering the one. One breath at a time, I find my way back to the present, where the only thing I can smell is the sweet, fresh scent of lemons.

“When I woke up, I was already in the mill,” I continue, already drained, but I force myself not to stop. “I didn’t know it at the time though. I was inside it and strapped down to a table. It was … I’ve never felt darkness like that. I couldn’t tell the difference when my eyes were open or closed. I was in a room, but I didn’t know if it was big or small, if someone was with me or not. I didn’t … There was just darkness.”

Working in another deep breath, I peek at Julian and still at the look on his face. Horror has broken through his earlier calm, leaving him with wide, shell-shocked eyes and parted lips. “If you look like this now, you won’t make it through the rest.”

Julian’s lips clamp shut, sinking into a frown. “… Aiden …”

I look away, swallowing down the bile that races up my throat so I can get this over with.

“Rogues aren’t supposed to think like us,” I say as I wade through the memories. “They can’t, once the pack links are severed. Even the best of them are a little crazed, but these weren’t. These rogues weren’t savages or beasts, and they weren’t like anything we were told about growing up. They were still coherent, and they weresmart.