Page 230 of Alpha Mates

“No, before this—before we fought, before what you said about Oliver.” I duck my head, but he barrels on. “Before you left the pack. Before all of that, you leftme, Aiden,” He presses a trembling hand to his chest. “You wouldn’t speak to me. You’d barely look at me. It was as if everything we were just disappeared for you.”

My shame mounts, heavy and inescapable, but I don’t look away. He deserves that much.

“I was upset, and hurt, and I didn’t know what to do. And with everything going on that day, I took it too far—I know that, and I’m sorry. I really am,” he vows, and the blue in his eyes dilutes with misery. “I hurt you, and I will do whatever it takes to make up for it. Because I love you.”

Tears well as he looks at me, begging me to believe him and furious all at once. “I love you so much it hurts when you’re not around, and it hurts even more to think that some part of you doesn’t believe that I do, but Aiden—” he pauses, his shoulders sagging, “youreallyhurt me. And I am sorry, but this isn’t going to work if I’m the only one trying here.”

He turns then, abandoning the eggs where they are, and walks out.

And just like that, I’m alone again—in the silence we built together.

Chapter 46

Julian

The air outside is too clean, the scenery too perfect for a world that feels so disoriented. I sink my face into my palms to stifle a groan.

Why couldn’t I have just controlled myself? Why couldn’t Ievercontrol myself?

My first morning with him, and I already lashed out. I came here to make up with Aiden, not point fingers. But Goddess, how could he tell me to return to the packalone, as if I hadn’t barely survived the weeks without him?

It was a stupid thing to say, but reacting was even more foolish. If we were bad before, then we’re surely regressing now.

I risk a glance at the makeshift home, both scared and desperate to catch a glimpse of him, but there’s no movement beyond the window. Sighing, I drop my gaze to the bloodroot flowers beneath me and pluck them idly.

Do you think that was too far?I ask Alex gently. Nothing.I just couldn’t keep pretending like I’m not hurt, too.

Alex is as silent as he’s been all morning, not even stirring to spy what might be happening now.

Alex,I call with gentle prodding to the dimmed bundle of light that he usually bursts from.Alex?

My heart sinks like a stone in water as only resounding silence answers. Forgotten petals slip from my fingers as I sit up, searching for him in the dimness that our mind and body had become, but it’s like reaching a hand out for someone in a tornado.

Alex!I try again, and I can hear my own desperation. Maybe it’s a result of the spike of fear that I feel doubling in my chest, but it’s enough for theglow of his presence to flicker in answer, just enough for me to know that he’s still close.

I exhale in a relief, but it’s short-lived.

I’m losing him.

Our wolves are meant to support us, to be our spine when we falter. Alex had been that for me—strong, loyal, unyielding. He tried to hold us together when Aiden started pulling away, but once Aiden left … how could he keep us standing when things felt so terribly hopeless for so long?

Even the strongest buckle under too much weight. And Alex had buckled.

“Julian?”

My head jerks up. Just the sound of Aiden’s voice steadies me before the sight of him does, but thoughts of Alex remain at the forefront of my mind. I can’t lose him.

Aiden crosses the meadow quickly, slowing only when he reaches me under the shade of the looming trees.

“What’s wrong?” His thick brows angle down while his gaze sweeps over me.

Everything.

I want to sob the answer out because it’s so obvious. I want to scream it, to free it from where it’s caged inside of me, but I don’t. I swallow the urge and the tears that won’t fix anything, and focus on what I should do.

I need him to forgive me. If he could do that, if we were together again, maybe Alex would heal too. And that would be worth living with a few unhealed wounds.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, eyes fixed on the blades of grass being crushed beneath his feet. “I shouldn’t have blamed you earlier.”