Page 45

Charlie

Three months later

“Y ou’ve come a long way over the last few months, Charlie. I’m proud of you and the work you’ve put into yourself.” My therapist, Jennifer, smiles as she sets down her notebook.

I kept my promise to Shane that I’d try therapy again. It took a lot of reassurance from him, and with the help of a few of Lily’s friends in the medical field, we found Jennifer shortly after I was released from the hospital. It was awkward at first because I kept waiting for her to pull out her prescription pad, tell me to try this new pill, and dismiss me. But that’s never happened.

Instead, Shane and I dumped all the random pills my mother had been giving me and started fresh. Because of my history of misuse of benzos, I’m on a non-habit-forming anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medicine. It took a few weeks to start feeling its effects, but so far it's going well, with the only side effect being nausea every now and then.

Shane came to the first couple of meetings and helped settle some of my nerves about telling a stranger some of my darkest memories. He encouraged me to be open and honest, and between Jennifer’s willingness to listen and Shane’s ability to keep me calm, I slowly shared my story with her.

“Thank you. It feels good to talk these things through with you. Shane’s a good listener but he’s been under a lot of stress with the Frozen Four Championship game tomorrow.”

“That’s wonderful to hear. I know you were anxious when he went away to play in the playoffs. Do you plan on traveling with him for the game?”

I bite my lip as I nod.

“It’s perfectly normal to be nervous about going to new places, Charlie. Just remember your exercises when it starts to feel like it’s becoming too much.” She tilts her head. “How have the nightmares and flashbacks been? You seem a lot calmer than the last meeting.”

“I haven’t had any recently. I found talking it out with Shane anytime a memory is triggered has helped a lot.”

“It’s good to hear that you’re willing to let him know when you need the extra support.”

I smirk. “He’s the best.”

“And the urges to cut or seek out drugs? How has that been going?

Even though talking everything out with Jennifer and Shane has been helping a lot, I still have days when the voices come back, and talking just isn’t enough.

“It’s been hard on the bad days to not reach for a razor or call my old supplier. But I’ve found that starting a new art project quiets the voices and keeps them away once I really get into what I’m doing.”

She smiles softly. “It’s good that you recognized the negative thoughts and redirected them with something calming. I’m happy that you have your art not only to express yourself but also to help in your recovery.” She looks at her watch. “Our time is up for today.”

We stand at the same time, meeting at her door.

“Tell Shane I said good luck.” She opens the door for me. “I’ll see you next week Charlie.”

I wave by and head outside to my car.

I’ve been driving it more since my father is currently behind bars and my mother is nowhere to be found.

After Lily filled me in on what happened in the garage, I haven’t seen Benji except at games. He's still on the team because there was no way to prove he was a part of my father’s plan against me. But Matt came over after practice with busted knuckles and wouldn’t tell me what happened. He and Ryder just said Benji won’t be coming anywhere near me again.

Someone else who won’t be coming near me anymore is Conrad.

He was caught a week after I was released from the hospital trying to smuggle himself across the border. He refused to get out of the car and then pulled out a gun and tried to threaten his way into Mexico.

Needless to say, he was swiftly removed from the car and taken down.

He’s on trial for raping me along with four other young men and is facing fifty years in prison.

It feels like the heaviest weight has been lifted from my body, along with the constant voices tearing me down.

The weather is the warmest it’s been in weeks, so I roll down my windows and blast Down with the Sickness by Disturbed as I drive home.

Walking into the condo, it’s eerily quiet. Ryder almost always has the TV on with either a movie or video game, and Shane said the guys were meeting here for lunch when I got back. There’s a mess of food on the counter but it looks like he stopped halfway through.

“Shane?”

I walk further into the condo and stop when I see all four of them hovering around the coffee table. As I get closer to Shane, I hear someone talking but it’s none of them.

“What’s-”

Ryder holds up his hand without taking his eyes off the table.

I look over Shane’s shoulder and see his phone on the table with a call on speaker.

“On behalf of the Tampa Bay Thunder, I’d like to invite you to come play a scrimmage game with the team. Coach has had his eye on you for a while and can’t wait to see you play with the guys. And as the top prospect for Defensemen, I’m sure you’ve received this call from other teams as well. We’re hopeful you’ll find your time with the team is exactly what you’re looking for and that we’ll see you come to the start of next season.”

I have no idea who this guy is, but it has all of them frozen.

“Shane? Are you there?”

“Y-Yes. I’m here, sorry,” he clears his throat. “I’d love to go down there and play with the team.”

“Wonderful! I’ll set everything up and send you an email with the details.”

“Thank you, TJ.”

The guy chuckles. “Thank you , Shane. Good luck at the Frozen Four tomorrow.”

Shane reaches for his phone with a slightly shaky hand.

“Did that just happen?” Matt’s shocked face looks up at Shane.

“Yeah. It did.” Shane leans back on the couch, looking down at the now blank screen of his phone.

“What happened.” Four sets of eyes snap up to meet mine.

“Hey, baby. I didn’t even hear you come in.” Shane tilts his head back so he’s looking at me upside down, making his smile look like a frown. “How was therapy?”

I stand so I’m looking down at him, my hips touching his head.

“Good. What was that call about? You guys look stunned.”

Shane grabs my hips as his upside-down smile grows.

“You know how I’ve been getting calls from NHL teams who are interested in me?”

I nod.

“Well, that was the Tampa Bay Thunder.” His smile brightens.

“That’s the team you want to play for, right?”

“Yeah.” He sounds like he’s about to cry even though he’s still smiling.

I lean down so I’m right above his face. “You did it, Superstar,” I whisper before connecting our lips.

Lily pulls into the parking lot at The World Skate Center in St. Louis, Missouri. We stayed the night at the same hotel the team was at, so I was able to spend the night and morning with Shane, keeping his mind, and other things, busy.

We easily find our seats behind the player’s benches along with a sea of other students wearing black and gold.

“I’m so excited!” Lily bounces in her seat, spilling her popcorn everywhere.

“Me too. Matt said the Porter Devils have a strong defense that hardly lets any goals get to their goalie, but their top scorer is injured so that gives us a slight advantage,” I shrug. “I’m not sure what any of that means, though.”

Lily laughs and ruffles my hair. “I don’t either, but this is a championship game which means it’s going to be a battle!”

And a battle it is.

I spend the first period following Shane skate up and down the ice. He blocks a few shots and almost scores but when they go to the locker room the score is still zero to zero.

The second period is faster with harder hits. Guys are slammed against the glass, penalties are handed out, and trash talk is heard between benches. By the time the clock hits zero, the other team has the lone goal.

Halfway through the third period, Asher steals the puck from the other team and flies to the other side of the ice. He skates around the net and quickly passes the puck to Matt. I don’t even see the puck touch his stick before the back of the net moves and the lamp lights up behind the goalie.

Everyone in our section jumps up and cheers as the guys surround Matt on the ice.

The game is tied at one with just under two minutes left in the game.

“I’m so nervous.” Lily stands up and bites her nails as the guys get ready at center ice.

I stand up next to her and slide my arm through hers. She smiles and leans into me.

The puck is dropped and when Benji loses the puck, he chases the Devil player and shoves him in the lower back with his stick, resulting in a cross-checking penalty.

Our coach calls a time-out and the team crowds around him.

Lily drops my arm and holds her hands up over her head. She tilts her head back with her eyes closed and wiggles her fingers.

“What the hell are you doing?” I lift a brow at her.

“I’m praying to the hockey Gods!” She wiggles her fingers faster. “Please, oh great one, let us win and not let Benji’s stupid-ass penalty cost us the championship.”

I snort. “I don’t think that’s how it works.”

She lowers her hands and winks at me. “Worth a shot.”

We laugh as the horn goes off and the teams get ready in front of our goalie. Shane, Ryder, Asher, and one other player are on the ice for us.

Asher wins the puck and quickly passes it to Ryder. The four of them speed to the other side of the ice as the other team backpedals. Ryder passes to the other player who shoots the puck towards the net. It bounces off the goalie’s pad and lands on Shane’s stick. He skates backward and as Asher passes in front of the goalie, he shoots. I’m not sure if it hits someone’s skate but somehow the puck goes through the goalie’s legs and into the back of the net.

The stands erupt in cheers!

As everyone around me screams and hugs, I have my eyes locked on Shane. He’s swallowed up by his teammates, but I can see his smiling face from here.

He’s so happy.

My heart skips a beat when he skates to the bench and points to me with that megawatt smile.

Lily bumps my shoulder. “Why is he so much hotter covered in sweat?” she fans herself, laughing.

I shake my head, holding back a laugh. She’d die if she saw him naked with only a backwards hat on.

There are only forty seconds left in the game and because Benji is still in the penalty box, we are still one man short. Matt is joined by three other players as the puck is dropped at center ice. We lose the puck and are forced back onto our side of the ice.

The Devils pass the puck around as they slowly close in on our goalie. One of our players pokes the puck free from their passing and all four of our guys fly to the other side. The puck is passed to Matt with five seconds left. He skates behind the net and when he comes to the front, he does a spin move and shoots the puck. The lamp lights up a second before the horn sounds to end the game.

A smile splits my face as I watch everyone jump up and swarm Matt.

They did it.

Matt lines up at center ice for the last puck drop as the game ends a second later.

Every player leaps off the bench and attacks Matt at center ice. Helmets, sticks, and gloves litter the ice as they celebrate their win for the second season in a row.

I lose Shane for a few minutes as they all jump around but then spot him with his arms around Ryder, Matt, and Asher. They have their arms on each other’s shoulders and their heads together. When they look up, they look sad but also happy?

But then I realized what this game means.

This is probably the last game they’ll play together on the same team.

My heart hurts for each of them for different reasons.

Matt doesn’t think he’s good enough to play in the NHL.

Ryder wants to play in the NHL but hasn’t had any teams reach out to him.

Asher has no desire to play in the NHL, making next year his final year playing.

And Shane has made his NHL dream come true but he’s leaving his friends.

But I know they’ll stay in touch, no matter where life takes them. Their bond is the kind that distance can’t touch.

“Let's go celebrate!”

I jump as the locker room door slams open as the guys pile out, led by a beaming Matt. They walk over to where Lily and I are waiting, and I can feel their excitement radiating off them.

Shane wraps me in his arms and kisses the top of my head. Tilting my face up, I smile as he plants his lips on mine. “You did it, Superstar.” My heart flutters as his smile grows even bigger.

“Yeah. We did.” He kisses me again before hooking his arm around my shoulders and turning to where Ryder and Matt have their heads together, looking at Matt’s phone.

“Oh! How about this place? It’s only five miles from the hotel and it says here that they have a full menu.” Matt smiles and rubs his stomach. “Now that I’m thinking about it, I’m really hungry.”

Asher snorts before grabbing Matt's arm and pulling him to the exit doors.

“I guess The Locker Room Bar it is.” Ryder winks as we follow Matt and Asher to the bus.

“I’ll see you back at the hotel, beautiful.” Shane walks onto the bus with a bright smile still plastered on his handsome face.

Lily hooks her arm through mine as we wave at the guys through the windows. “Let’s go get ready to party!” She pulls on my hand as we run to her car.

“This place is so cool,” Ryder says, looking around at all the St. Louis sports teams memorabilia.

The place is packed. The team fills most of the booths and the dance floor. We’re tucked in near the bar, waiting for the bartender to glance our way. Shane stands behind me, his hands resting gently on my hips as we sway in sync to the country song drifting through the noise. Even in the crowd, it feels like it’s just us. It feels good being able to relax in such a loud and overstimulating place. Normally, I would have needed to talk myself up to being in a place like this and taken something to calm my nerves. And even then, I wouldn’t be able to stop the intrusive thoughts that led to an inevitable panic attack.

The withdrawal from opioid use didn’t help either. I didn’t think I had a drug addiction problem since I only took them when I needed to. But after a week of only taking Tylenol for pain, it was clear I had a problem when I yelled at Shane to go find some Vicodin. Then when he refused, I threatened to call Pete and buy my own drugs.

So what did he do? He held me close, and one by one, he spoke every reason he loved me, every part of me he still believed in. And when he said the drugs didn’t define me, that they weren’t me, I felt something crack open inside. Something I believe was hope .

I cried in his arms for hours and stayed there for a while afterward when the nausea and shakes started. I’m not sure how long it took, but once the fever-like symptoms and cravings finally faded, I loved Shane for a whole new reason.

That’s not to say the voices have completely left me alone. It was hard to accept that my father and Conrad could never touch me again and that I was free from them. My head taunted me with what they did and what they would do when they got ahold of me. It sent me spiraling into a “what if” panic attack.

But through every trembling breath and every tear I couldn’t hold back, Shane stayed. He held me like he was trying to shield me from the world, his voice steady as he reminded me that I was safe, and that I was loved. When the clouds cleared and the voices were finally quiet, Shane sat patiently with my hands in his as I struggled to tell him what was going on in my head.

It was hard at first to open up. No one had ever cared enough to listen to me, and no matter how many times I fought with myself that Shane did care, I still got nervous telling him everything. But, like the saint of a boyfriend he is, he never left my side as I fought my way through talking my feelings out.

He’s shown me, over and over, that there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to help me, no matter what the situation is. He’s not just my best friend, he’s the one person who’s always there, the one lifting me up when I can’t stand on my own. He’s truly the greatest person I’ve ever known, and I don’t think I could ever find a love as pure and unconditional as his.

Through him, I’ve come to understand how beautiful life truly is. He’s shown me that even the toughest of days seem brighter when you have the right people by your side. He’s taught me that to truly live life to the fullest, you need those who lift you up and walk with you every step of the way.

“What are you thinking about, beautiful?” Shane’s deep whisper tickles my ear.

I lean back into him, letting the warmth of his chest press against my back, as a soft smile tugs at my lips. Tilting my head just enough to meet his gaze, I catch those beautiful blue eyes of his. Lifting onto my toes, I press a soft, lingering kiss to his lips.

“You. I’m always thinking about you, Superstar.”

He bends down and delivers one of the deepest, sexiest kisses, accompanied by a throaty groan.

“How about we give these guys another ten minutes, then you and I go take advantage of my empty hotel room?”

I nod vigorously, making his chest rumble as he laughs.

A throat clearing has me turning back to the bar. A guy with deep red hair and a brooding scowl stands behind the bar with his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

I go to take a step away from Shane but he grips my hips and pulls me back to his chest.

The guy behind the bar stares at Shane’s hands as his jaw muscles pop.

“Can I please get five shots of Crown Royal, three Bud Light’s, and two Goose Island IPA’s.” Shane slides a fifty across the bar. “Keep the change.”

The bartender still has his eyes on Shane’s hand on my hip, making me slightly uncomfortable.

Shane taps the bar, snapping the guy out of whatever the fuck that was. The guy blinks a few times before grabbing the money and walking away.

“You’d think the guy never saw two guys in love or something,” Shane snickers.

“Hey, you guys finally made it to the front.” Matt walks up next to us, covered in sweat and glitter.

“What the fuck happened to you? You look like a sweaty fairy.” Shane ruffles Matt’s short hair, and we can’t help but laugh as we watch glitter spill out like confetti.

“Some girl asked to dance and then glitter was everywhere,” he shrugs. “I think it’s her birth-”

“Here you guys go,” the bartender interrupts Matt.

Shane and I grab the drinks. I turn to hand Matt his, but he’s staring at something behind me. Turning back around, the bartender is frozen with wide eyes, like a deer caught in headlights.

Looking back at Matt, his mouth is opening and closing, but he’s not saying anything.

“You ok?” I wave a hand in his face.

He doesn’t say anything before walking up to the bar. The bartender backs up as Matt gets closer. I glance at Shane to see if he knows what's happening, but he just shrugs.

“O-Oli?” Matt’s voice is barely loud enough to be heard over the music.

The bartender’s eyes are still wide as his chest rises and falls rapidly.

“Oli. It’s me, Matt.”

The bartender shakes his head. “My name is David,” he says before rushing from behind the bar.

Matt stays frozen in place, breathing just as hard as the guy was. “Bullshit,” he grunts before following the guy out the side door.

“That wasn’t weird at all.” Shane laughs. “Let’s go find Ash and Ryder so we can drink these, dance, and then get out of here.”

We find Ryder and Asher by a tall table next to the dance floor.

“Where’d Matt disappear to? That girl he’s been dancing with is hot as hell, and if he doesn’t come back soon, I’m making my move.”

Asher whacks Ryder on the chest, shaking his head.

“What? It’s fair game after five minutes.”

Asher looks unimpressed as he lifts a brow.

We hand out the shots and drinks. Holding up the shots, we cheers to a great win and to Shane’s success in the NHL.

I’m excited to start at a new school. After Ryder’s dad went over the stipulations of my trust fund, he discovered that all I have to do is graduate from college. Any college. I didn’t hesitate to tell Shane that I wanted to transfer to Florida so I could stay with him. I couldn’t tell if he’s more excited about playing in the NHL or the fact that we’ll still see each other every day.

Shane tells Asher which way Matt went, and we laugh when we spot Ryder all over glitter girl on the dance floor. I wave to Lily as she dances between a girl and guy.

Hand in hand, we leave the bar behind as we step into the beginning of forever.

THE END