Page 25

Shane

I turn and almost run into a man in a business suit stepping off the elevator.

“Sorry,” I say sidestepping him.

He ignores me and walks down the hall as the elevator doors start to close.

O-kay then.

The elevator reeks of cigarettes as the doors close and starts to move down. It feels like it takes twice as long to get to the ground floor and when the doors finally open, I suck in a deep breath of fresh air.

Goddamn, how many cigarettes does that guy smoke?

I shake it off as I head outside and see a black Rolls-Royce taking up three parking spots right in front. Pretentious prick. I glance over my shoulder and look up at Charlie’s floor. He doesn’t have a window that faces this way, but something feels off.

I shake my head at myself. He’s fine, I’ll see him in a few hours. I need to get my head in game mode.

I get in my truck and make the short trip to the athletic building. I meet the guys in the locker room and we all head to the bikes to get in a few miles before we meet up with the rest of the team. We have a tradition -not a superstition- that we don’t talk about the game while we warm up. Matt brings up the houses from the party last night and we go back and forth on who was the best and who had the best drink.

Afterwards, we head to the GU Stadium, home of the Irish Knights hockey rink. We go our separate ways to do our pregame rituals. I have a hockey stick that stays in my locker all season, no one is allowed to touch it except me. After I get my gear on, I rub the tape on the blade with my thumb and pray to the hockey gods for a good game. Then I put my headphones in and blast nineties rock until Ryder bumps my knee for on-ice warmups.

I stand at the entrance to the tunnel and wait for the guys to gather around me. We make a small four-person circle, tapping the ground with our stick then the guy’s shin to our right. We do it three times then raise our gloved fists together and yell “LET’S GO!”

We skate out onto the bright ice as the home crowd cheers. I take a few quick laps around our half of the ice before looking up to where Charlie and Lily sit. But it’s Lily bouncing her knee nervously as the seat next to her sits empty. She’s stretching her neck looking behind her, up the stairs towards the entrance.

“Hawkins, keep moving!” Coach Q yells from the bench.

I skate to the boards and drop down to stretch my hamstrings while keeping an eye on Charlie’s empty seat.

Why wouldn’t he be here? I know for a fact that he doesn’t walk around the stadium alone with all these people. Maybe he had to use the bathroom? But Lily would have walked with him, not stayed at the seats. This doesn’t make sense.

I go through the rest of the warmups in a daze trying to figure out where he could be. The horn sounds letting us know to return to the locker room before the game starts. I skate to the bench and quickly step over to the low wall, waving my arms and calling Lily’s name.

She sees me and walks over to where we can talk without yelling.

“Where is he?”

She looks up the stairs and then back down to me. “I’m not sure. I called him when I left my place, but he said that he had already left and that he’d meet me outside. I waited by the ticket booth, but he never showed up. I figured maybe he got cold and came inside to sit before it got too crowded. But-”

“He’s not here,” I finish for her. “Have you gotten in touch with him since you’ve been here?”

She looks at her phone and blows out a relieved breath. “He just texted me. He’s not feeling well and won’t make it to the game.” She bunches her brows as she looks up at me. “But he said he had already left. Unless he got sick on the walk here?” She looks back down at her phone and smirks as she turns it to show me a text from Charlie.

Jax: Tell Shane I said good luck and that he should still score a goal tonight.

She stands back up and looks even more relieved. “Looks like I’m your cheer squad tonight, Sticks! You better listen to our boy and score a goal!” She spins around and sits in a seat next to a bunch of students and starts chatting away.

I walk down the tunnel as my mind spins. Charlie was okay when I left. He was even playful, which he doesn’t get very often. I sit in front of my locker and listen as Coach Q starts his speech, but I can’t concentrate on what he’s saying. I debated turning my phone on and sending him a text to make sure he’s alright but that would be breaking Coach’s number one rule.

No cell phones once our gear is on.

The guys stand up and cheer, hyping each other up. A few guys do a last-minute ritual before we grab our sticks and head back onto the ice.

I look at the seats again but there’s still no Charlie.

I shake out my arms and clear his absence from my head.

Focus.

I line up for the national anthem and then get set up for face-off.

I’m off my game for the first time in a long time and the guys are noticing. I miss a few passes, ice the puck when I could have easily cleared it, and get checked in the boards and lose the puck resulting in a goal for the other team. And it’s only the end of the first period.

With my head low, I sit on the bench in the locker room and go over every mistake I made. I’m playing like I’ve never been on the ice before. I can’t keep making stupid mistakes. Luckily, they only scored one goal.

Ryder sits next to me and bumps his knee into mine. “What’s going on?” I don’t answer him as I rake my fingers through my sweaty hair. “Does it have anything to do with an empty seat behind our bench?”

I look over at him surprised he even noticed. He’s usually more focused than I am during games.

“It might.” I look down at my hands so he can’t see anything my face might give away.

“I’ve never had anyone show up to my games besides a few guys from class. But I know Charlie wouldn’t miss a game. He might not talk much but I see the way he looks at you. That boy would do anything to be with you.” His shoulder pads bump mine, so I pick my head up and look over at him. “I’m sure he wanted to be here but had something come up last minute. I’ve seen his artwork. Maybe he got sidetracked creating a masterpiece and lost track of time.”

I shake my head but then stop. Maybe he did and didn’t want me to know. It’s happened before. I had to get Lily to open the door because he wouldn’t answer my phone calls but then we found him sitting on the floor, covered in paint.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. It’s just throwing me off because I spent all morning with him, and he was excited to come tonight. But if he found a new inspiration, there really is no stopping him from creating it.”

I blow out a slow breath and convince myself that’s why he’s not here. Besides, Lily didn’t seem concerned once she heard back from him.

I give Ryder a nod and stand up to follow the guys back to the ice.

“You got this Cap!” He slaps my shoulder pad as he walks past me.

I have a better second period and get an assist on Benji’s goal. By the time there’s one minute left in the game, we’re tied two to two.

I’m battling behind our net with two guys for control of the puck. I knock it loose behind me and watch as Asher flies toward center ice like his skates are on fire. He crosses the blue line and one-times the puck as the rest of us catch up. It bounces off the goalie’s pad and redirects to Matt’s blade. He taps it in before the goalie slides over, scoring a goal with fifteen seconds left in the game. We all cheer and jump on Matt celebrating his goal.

I won’t be scoring a goal tonight as I come off for the last line change of the game. The puck drops and we play keep away until the final horn sounds. Dropkick Murphys blasts through the speakers as everyone in the crowd jumps up and cheers for our win.

I look at Charlie’s seat one last time as I stand by the tunnel and fist-bump the guys as they head to the locker room. I celebrate the win with the team as we shower, change, and get ready to head home.

That is until Franklin Alexander walks into the locker room.

“Good evening, gentleman. That was a great win and an even better goal by Benjamin. I’d like to invite everyone,” he looks around the room and stops when he gets to me, “everyone to dine with me at Lex Tower. Tonight.” He’s still looking at me as he talks. “I would like to talk to you about your skillset and how I can assist in making them better.” He looks back over the guys. “If everyone would finish getting dressed, I have limos waiting outside.” He turns and walks out with Benji on his tail and a few others following.

“What the fuck was that about,” Ryder asks as he finishes getting dressed.

“I have no idea. I also have no intention of going to dinner with him. He doesn’t know a damn thing about my skills and I sure as hell don’t need any help from him.”

I make sure all my hockey shit is where it needs to be, sling my bag over my shoulder, and give Ryder a two-finger salute as I head for the door.

I head for the parking garage but I can see the guys climbing into the limos. I spin around on my heel and head in the opposite direction.

I guess I’m walking to Charlie’s. As I push the door open, I’m slapped in the face by a frigid breeze.

When did it get so cold?

I pull my hood up and quickly walk towards Charlie’s building. It’ll take me ten minutes to walk around the stadium so I can take the sidewalk. I get to the front of the building right as the first limo drives past.

Shit.

I rush to hide behind a big bush as another limo drives by.

This is fucking stupid. Why am I hiding from my boyfriend’s dad? So what if he’s got more money than necessary and likes to flaunt it every chance he gets? That doesn’t mean I have to do what he says. He’s not my coach. He’s creepy as fuck with the way he looked at me.

Fuck all that mess!

I peek over the side of the bush and see two more limos waiting. I adjust my squat and take out my phone. Turning it on, I’m a little disappointed when I don’t see anything from Charlie. I was hoping he’d let me know why he didn’t come tonight.

I hit call on his name and wait for him to answer. It rings for a long time and just when I think it’s about to go to voicemail, he answers.

“Hi,” he whispers softly.

“Hey, baby. Are you feeling ok? I was worried when I didn’t see you next to Lily. But then I saw that you weren’t feeling well. Can I pick you up something from Walgreens? Or stop anywhere for you?”

He’s quiet on the other end.

“Charlie?” A sniffle comes through then another. “Baby, tell me what you need. I’ll get you anything.”

I can’t tell if his nose is running from crying or if he did come down with something. He takes a few short breaths before a garbled, “You,” comes out.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I look over the bush again and see that both limos are gone. “I’m leaving the stadium now. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

I stand and hoist my bag over my shoulder as I take off toward the townhouses. My phone is still to my ear so I can hear his soft sniffles as I jog across the damp grass. I get to the row of townhouses and as I’m about to run up the steps, the same black Rolls-Royce from earlier pulls up onto the sidewalk, blocking my path. I stop and back up a step, breathing hard.

“I’ll be there in a minute, baby.”

He doesn’t say anything before hanging up. I pocket my phone and glare at the asshole in the car.

“What the fuck?” I slam my fist on the hood as the driver’s side door opens and the big guy from the elevator steps out.

He’s about my height with slicked-back black hair with gray on the sides and a pudgy stomach hanging over the waistband of his pants. He leaves the door open as he steps around it and walks up to me. I can smell the nasty cigarettes from here. I drop my bag as he gets closer. I’ve never fought anyone but I’m sure as hell not about to let this fucker hit me.

He stops about a foot away and scrutinizes me from head to toe and back up again. He makes a tisk sound and shakes his head.

“Didn’t think Charles had it in him. For how much he denied liking dick, he sure did pick a nice piece of ass.” He licks his lips as he tilts his head.

“What did you just say?” I growl.

I don’t know who this guy is or how he knows Charlie, but I do not like the way he’s looking at me.

“Don’t worry pretty boy, Mr. Alexander has a deal for you.”

“I’m not making any fucking deals with him so you can get back in your car and get out of my way.” I bend down to pick up my bag but when I stand back up his hand wraps around my throat and I’m pushed against the rough bricks.

Because we’re the same height, he has his arm lifted, making me stand on my toes to keep from choking. He gets so close to my face that I feel the spit leave his mouth as he talks.

“Oh, I think you’re going to want to hear this deal, pretty. You see, that degenerate upstairs has cost his family a place among the elite with his dramatic acts. He’s been caught looking at boys by the CEO of a company Franklin Alexander is in the middle of making a deal with. And one thing there’s absolutely no room for in the Alexander legacy is a faggot !” He squeezes my neck tighter as he moves in even closer, running his nose along my jaw. “You will stop seeing Charles. Cut off all communication. He deserves to rot away for the embarrassment he has brought his father.”

“Why should I,” I grit out through clenched teeth.

“Because if you don’t, I will make sure every NHL scout knows about the doping scandal that took place on your hockey team in high school. Now I don’t know much about sports but last time I checked, steroids weren’t allowed.”

My nostrils flare as I jerk my knee up and nail him in the balls. He drops me and covers himself while cursing me out. I cough and quickly get my bearings as I step up to him and Spartan kick him so hard in the chest he lands on his back. I put my foot on his neck and press down until he’s looking up at me with wide eyes.

“You can try and scare me away, but it won’t work. One thing I’m not is easily intimidated. So, you can return to your boss with this message: that steroid scandal, as you called it, was found to be a rumor. Nobody on my Juniors team or in my high school on any sports team tested positive for illegal substances. So good luck using that against me.” I push down harder. “And my skillset alone is what will get me into the NHL. Something I’m sure Franklin knows nothing about.” He swallows under my foot before I push off his neck and turn away from the piece of shit.

He grabs my ankle in a weak attempt to keep me there. I kick out of his grip, grab my bag, and step around the front of his car. I enter the code to get into the building and as I open the door, I hear him wheeze. I look over my shoulder and see him standing by the car door.

“You’ll regret being with him. He’s like the plague. He infects everyone around him and slowly drags them down with him. You’ll see.” He gets in his car and pulls away so quickly he leaves tire marks on the asphalt.

I walk through the doors and onto the waiting elevator, lost as to what just happened. Who the fuck was that guy and how does he know what high school I went to? And where does he get off saying all that about Charlie? The plague? Really?

I’m still replaying what happened as the elevator doors open. I rub my hand over the front of my sore neck as I step out and walk to Charlie’s door. I’m so in my head that I don’t notice that his door is wide open until I walk up to it with my fist raised.

He always has his door closed and locked.

“Charlie?” I call as I step through the doorway. There’s music coming from his room but it’s not obnoxiously loud like he likes it when he works. “Baby?” I call out again stepping into his room. It looks the same as it did this morning but there’s no Charlie.

I hear something hit the tile floor in the bathroom. I open the door and stop as my heart sinks at the sight in front of me.

Charlie is sitting against the wall in nothing but his boxer briefs, hair a tangled mess with one hand yanking on it, his other has a bloody razor blade that he flips between his fingers. There’s a puddle of blood on the floor under his bent legs.

I swallow as I take a slow step towards him. He doesn’t seem to notice me as I make my way closer. I sit across from him and gently place my hands on his ankles. He doesn’t show any sign of feeling my hands on him as I slowly slide them up until I get to his knees. There are dried bloody fingerprints on his knees and across the top of his thighs.

“Charlie, baby. Can you hear me?”

Nothing.

I take a steadying breath as I look into his eyes. They’re glossed over and the golden flecks have been replaced with a darker gold color. I stroke the side of his face, but he doesn’t look at me. His hand in his hair has a death grip making it next to impossible to get it to open. I move on to the razor he’s still flipping between his fingers. I slide my hand from his elbow to his wrist and slowly wrap my fingers around his slim wrist. Holding his arm steady, I use my other hand to pull the razor from his fingers. He doesn’t put up a fight and blinks a few times.

“Baby.” I swallow thickly as he shakes his head and grips his hair with both hands and starts to rock back and forth, chanting in a hushed voice.

“It’s okay, Charlie. I’m here. You’re safe.” I stroke his arms and try to calm him. I move so I’m next to him and pull him into my side so his head lays over my heart and wrap my arms around him as tightly as I can.

“Shhh…you’re alright, baby.” I kiss the top of his head and hold him to me as I tilt my head back against the wall and stare at the ceiling as I hold him in my arms as he battles his demons.

I hold him for a long time until his rocking finally stops.

I look down at him and see his mouth moving. I strain my ears to hear what he’s saying.

“…no good…stupid…just die…no good…stupid…just die…”

It’s fast and low but I’ve heard enough to know he needs help to get back to me.

“Please, beautiful. Listen to me. I’m here for you. I love you.”

I repeat that a few more times until his breathing starts to slow as his hands drop from his hair and he goes limp. I keep him in my arms for a few more minutes, collecting myself.

What happened to you baby?

He hasn’t had an attack like this before. The ones he experienced on his birthday were bad, but they didn’t include blood.

I stroke his matted hair as I look at his legs for the source of where the blood is coming from. I lift his leg and see two huge cuts going down the inside of his right thigh, one still bleeding. With a shaking hand, I lower his leg and hug him to me as a tear slides down my cheek and lands in his dark hair.

“Why? Please help me understand,” I whisper into the top of his head.

I kiss his hair as I look over the rest of his pale body. I don’t see anything until I get to his sharp hip bone where there’s now a bruise that wasn’t there earlier. I lightly brush my thumb over it as I fight off more tears.

Grabbing the towel off the hook, I drape it over him. He doesn’t move as I slide out from under him and position myself so I can pick him up off the ground. Lifting him into my arms, I grab another towel out of the closet on my way to his room. I lay it down first then gently set his limp body on top.

I make sure he’s covered before darting back into the bathroom to find a first aid kit. I don’t find anything in the closet or the cabinet below the sink. Opening the cabinet behind the mirror, I’m shocked by the number of orange pill bottles that greet me. I look at each bottle and only recognize Xanax and Ambien. There’s a bottle on its side that’s empty with no label. I pick it up with a shaking hand and see white powder residue stuck on the bottom.

What the fuck?

I’ve never seen heroin in person but it’s the first white powder that comes to my mind.

No. This could literally be anything else, and I’ve spent almost every day with Charlie. I would have noticed if he was taking it. Right?

“Fuck!”

I scratch my head roughly as I close the mirror and look down at the mess on the floor. There’s not as much blood as I thought there was now that he’s not sitting in it. I quickly wipe it up with an old towel.

I finally find a small first aid box in the bottom drawer and rush back to find Charlie in the exact spot I set him in.

I hold my breath as I wait for his chest to rise and fall. He’s breathing so deeply that it takes him a second to take a breath in, giving me a mini heart attack.

I blow out a breath as I walk over to him. I remove his blood-soaked boxers and start cleaning off the dried blood all over his thighs. Inspecting the cuts, they aren’t deep enough for stitches but still look pretty bad. I spread the antibacterial cream on the two cuts, cover them with gauze, and secured them with tape. I grab a clean pair of boxers and slide them on him before pulling back the sheets and laying him down in his favorite spot. I place a soft kiss on his bruised hip before covering him and moving his hair from his face so I can kiss his eyelids.

“I love you, beautiful,” I whisper before kissing his forehead and stepping away.

I grab my bag from the corner and change out of my jeans. Opting for just shorts, I grab the cleaning supplies from under the sink in the kitchen and finish cleaning the bathroom on autopilot.

Picking up the bloody razor, I place it between a folded piece of paper and put it in my hockey bag.

With his bathroom cleaned and no sign of him waking up, I climb into bed behind him and pull his chilled body into my chest.

Maybe if I hold him tight enough to me, he won’t hurt himself again.

I let the smell of his ocean bodywash wash over me, my body relaxing for the first time tonight. The adrenaline rush plus the exhaustion from the game hits me as I settle into the pillow. With my nose nestled into the back of his neck, I let sleep take me.