Page 19

Shane

I don’t know if Charlie is busy or ignoring me, but something isn’t right. I texted him around seven to see if his class was over, but he didn’t respond. It’s now after nine-thirty and the message is still unread.

I press call on his number and wait as it rings and rings, until it goes to his voicemail. Blowing out a defeated breath, I hang up after leaving him a message asking him to call me.

I don’t know if I should let him be since we spent the whole weekend together or if I should go check on him. He doesn’t strike me as a very sociable person and I have noticed how often he seems to retreat into his head, dissociating. I don’t like how he lives alone when he’s going through something and needs support. I’ve seen the number of blankets he has not only on his couch but in his room as well.

My aunt used to have blankets all over her house after my uncle passed. She once told me that the weight of five blankets reminded her of being wrapped in my uncle’s arms and that it helped when she was feeling lonely.

Maybe Charlie needs to be comforted more and he’s using the blankets to escape being lonely. Maybe it’s a sensory thing. Or maybe he just likes having a shit load of blankets around.

I rub my forehead as I look down at the homework I need to get started on. I have practice in the afternoon tomorrow and my first class starts at eight so I can’t be up too much longer. But I can’t concentrate with this uneasy feeling about Charlie.

I pick up my phone from where I set it down on my desk, checking again that Charlie hasn’t opened my text, then click on the chat with Lily.

Me: Hey. Do you know where Charlie is? I wanted to take him to dinner after his class, but he hasn’t responded. I tried calling but there wasn’t an answer. I’m not trying to be clingy or anything. I just want to make sure he’s ok .

She must have her phone in her hand because a second later a response comes through

Feisty pants: Aww! Look at you being worried for our baby heart eyes emoji He’s usually a bit distant after his birthday. He likes to wander the campus to clear his head. It’s normal for him to go MIA for a little while.

I’m not sure if that makes me feel any better. I could tell he’s an introvert so maybe wandering alone is what he needs? I’m an ambivert so I get wanting to be alone, but I need someone to talk through my feelings with.

Me: It’s close to ten. Does he usually stay out walking this late? Also what happened on his birthday that has him being distant?

Feisty pants: I’m not sure how long he walks around for but I’m sure he’s back home and forgot to check his phone. He’s not a big texter. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if it’s dead. LOL.

Feisty pants: And I don’t know the answer about his birthday. I know something happened, but he’s never told me. So I try to bring as much happiness as I can leading up to the day. It doesn’t always work though and he ends up shutting everyone out for the day. But he looked the most relaxed I’ve ever seen him yesterday and that’s all thanks to you!

I feel bad that it took most of the day for him to even get to that point. He struggled almost the whole day, and I had no idea what was even happening in his head.

Me: I didn’t do a whole lot. All I did was hold him and then cooked. But thank you for letting me know about his lack of cell phone use.

Feisty pants: You did more than you’ll ever know.

Not sure what that means, I turn off my screen and set my phone back on my desk. I honestly don’t think I did that much for him yesterday. I felt helpless for most of the time.

I zone out thinking of what happened yesterday and startle when I hear Ryder talking while opening my door.

“…going to get hurt if he doesn’t watch out.”

I spin around and find him with his head down texting in the doorway.

“Who’s getting hurt,” I ask as I spin back around to my books that haven’t been opened.

“Benji,” he snorts. “He’s got balls sneaking around with Katie knowing Brad will beat the shit out of him if he finds out.”

Brad has proved time and time again that he will fuck up any guy who threatens to take Katie from him. The guy’s a psycho with serious anger issues.

“That’s on him if he wants to tempt getting his ass handed to him by someone with rage problems. But if he gets caught fighting, he’s risking his spot on the team.”

“Nah, his daddy will show up and throw money at the athletic director. He won’t even get a slap on the wrist. Fucking spoiled assholes,” he shakes his head.

I start nodding but then stop. I quickly spin back around to him, confused. “He’s Franklin Alexander’s son, as in Lex Hotel’s, right?” Why didn’t I put this together before? Lex Hotel’s is one of the biggest luxury hotel chains in the world. Franklin Alexander is known for buying out smaller hotels and building the most elegant and luxurious hotels that are only available to the elite

Ryder looks at me like I’m crazy for even asking. We’ve met the man no less than thirty times in the last three seasons. He likes to flaunt his money by inviting the team out to the biggest steakhouses in Chicago. We are treated to either Lake Shore Bistro or Wagyu’s Beef House after the ten home games he attends. Plus, he’s the top donor for the team Christmas party that everyone attends. He even threw a massive party in one of his hotels for us after the championship win last season. I don’t remember seeing Charlie at any of it.

“Have you ever met Benji’s brother,” I ask Ryder as I stand up and start to pace the length of my room.

“Dude, what’s going on? You know who Franklin Alexander is and nobody knows anything about Benji’s brother. He’s probably a little kid or something. What’s it matter?”

I stop my pacing. Charlie’s the son of one of the richest men in the country yet his refrigerator was empty, and he was hesitant to add things to his cart when we went shopping then again when I offered to buy us pizza. Yet Benji has enough money to buy a house down the street from campus, drives an Aston Martin, wears a Rolex, and has a fucking Black Card. It doesn’t make sense.

“Ryder, Charlie is Benji’s brother. His twin brother.”

He laughs like I’m joking but he must read my face because he stops instantly. “You’re serious? Huh, I don’t really see it but then again, I don’t pay him any attention if I don’t have to,” he shrugs. “Why is this an issue for you though? I know you’re not Benji’s biggest fan, but I can see this is bothering you.”

I sit on my bed conflicted if I should tell him what I just realized about them. Will it upset Charlie if Ryder knew about the apparent money and brother issues? Raking my fingers through my hair, I blow out a breath as Ryder sits down next to me.

“I think Charlie’s dad cut him off. When I first went to his place, his kitchen was bare of food and then when we went shopping, he only grabbed like five things.”

“Yeah, I remember his two bags off to the side when I came to grab our food.”

“I ordered more food for him the next morning but still, I don’t think he has that much money. But then I see what Benji has and how lavish he’s living. It’s clear who’s getting money and who isn’t.”

“That’s fucked up.” Ryder scrunches his brows together. “If Benji is receiving money from their parents, so should Charlie.”

I lay back, looking up at the ceiling. “Yeah. But if you take the money issue out of it, why haven’t we met Charlie before? All those dinners and the celebration party. Everyone and their families were there. I could see if he lived far away and couldn’t make it but he literally lives on campus. He was right there this whole time.”

Ryder stands up and I hear him as he walks to the door. “I don’t know what to tell you, man. It’s a shitty thing to do but what are we supposed to do if that’s their family dynamic?”

I stay silent as I close my eyes.

Beautiful golden-brown eyes, dimples, and the sweetest smile greet me.

“I say you ignore Benji, except for on the ice, and get to know Charlie some more. You never know, maybe he’ll tell you why things are the way they are.” I can hear the smile in his voice right before he closes the door.

I sit up and decide my homework can wait until tomorrow. I grab my phone, strip to my underwear, and climb into bed. Pulling up the text thread with Charlie I see that my last text still hasn’t been read.

Please be safe at home Charlie.

I send him another message before plugging in my phone and rolling over to go to sleep.

Me: I missed you today and I hope you had a good day. Text me back when you get a chance. Good night, Beautiful.

There’s no new text waiting for me when I wake up. As I’m getting ready for class I send him another text.

Me: Good morning beautiful. I have a break from 11:30 to 12:30 for lunch. I’ll be in the cafeteria if you’d like to have lunch with me. Hope you have a great day.

He doesn’t show up for lunch.

Me: I missed you at lunch today. I hope you’re ok and just not checking your phone. I have practice tomorrow morning but I’m free after my last class at 4. LMK if you want to meet up.

Me: Good night beautiful

Me: Good morning beautiful. I know it’s early as hell, but I was hoping I’d catch you before I started practice. I guess you aren’t up this early though. I hope you have a good day.

My day goes by at a snail’s pace with no word from Charlie. But as I open my phone before going to sleep, I see that all my messages are now marked as read.

Me: Please talk to me and let me know that you’re alright.

Nothing comes. I sigh, trying not to let the frustration get to me.

Me: Good night, Charlie

“Hawkins, wake up out there!”

I just missed the third pass in a row. I can’t focus on practice no matter how hard I try. Alexander has even managed to check me into the boards and steal the puck from me.

“Hawkins, Kingston bench!” Coach Q yells.

Ryder bumps my shoulder pad with his gloved fist as we skate to the bench and the next line jumps over. I squirt my face with water and lean forward as I watch the guys fight for the puck.

“You gotta go talk to him. He’s messing with your head. Our first game of the season is tomorrow and scouts from three NHL teams will be here,” he says as we watch Matt score a goal. I nod without taking my eyes off the ice.

Benji skates by and I have half a mind to reach out and demand to know what’s going on with his brother. But if he ignores him like Charlie has been ignoring me, then I’d guess he wouldn’t have any clue as to what I’m talking about.

Looks like they share that wonderful trait.

“Cap, let’s go!” Ryder jumps over the boards skating to our defensive spots.

I skate to where Asher has the puck on the blue line. He fakes a shot and passes the puck to me. I pull my stick back and slap the puck as hard as I can. It’s deflected off someone’s stick, changing direction and hitting the crossbar before dropping into the net.

I smile as the guys hoot and holler.

“Alright boys, bring it in.” Coach Q meets us at center ice. “Tomorrow is the season opener. These stands are going to be full of people wanting to see the same type of hockey they saw in the Frozen Four. Now obviously we aren’t the same team with guys graduating and moving on. But we still have our core, our strength, and our determination. Play smart hockey and I have no doubt that we’ll see that championship trophy again!”

The guys cheer as we come in for the ritual we do at the end of the last practice before a game. With our sticks held up with our right hand, the toes of our blades touching, I start the chant.

“Go Knights on three…one, two, three!”

“GO KNIGHTS!”

“Who are we?”

“IRISH KNIGHTS! FAUGH A BALLAGH!”

I skate to the tunnel first and turn so I can fist-bump everyone as they head to the locker room. I’m the last off the ice as I nod to the coaches and head to the locker room to shower and change. I make quick work of it, not hanging around to chat and head to Duci Pizza.

I inhale deeply as I open the door to my favorite Sicilian pizza place. I wave to Elio as I pass the kitchen window and head for my spot in the back. I don’t bother looking at the menu as I wait for one of the waitresses to come by. I smile as Lorenzo slides into the booth across from me.

“Ciao, Shane. How have you been?” He has a thick Italian accent.

“I’m good. How have you and Elio been? Keeping busy?”

He nods. “Si, si. Pizza is popular with the college kids,” he laughs.

“I agree with you there. Yours is the best in town.”

He bows his head with a small smile. “Grazi. Can I get you something to drink while Elio makes your pizza?”

“I’m good with water, thanks.”

“Ok. I must go check on the new girl up front.” He lifts his chin towards a frazzled-looking girl trying to open the cash register. “She’s not so good under pressure but has a pretty smile.”

I laugh as he slides out and walks over to her. I can see she has a dimple and I’m reminded of Charlie’s. How they appear so rarely but the few times I did see them, I was captivated by how cute they are.

I really hope he’s okay.

I think of last weekend and how much he struggled yet was at peace when it came to looking at the stars. He said he spent his childhood looking up at them. I wonder if he did a lot of camping as a kid.

A hand waving an inch from my face has me blinking the restaurant back into view. Elio is looking down at me with a questioning look on his tan face. He sets down my personal-sized pepperoni pizza and sits where his husband had sat.

“What’s troubling our hockey star?” His accent is much easier to understand than Lorenzo’s.

“Nothing. Just…I don’t know how to go about telling someone that I care about them. We met a few weeks ago but I have a connection with him like I’ve never had with anyone else.” I shake my head at myself as I stare blankly at the steam coming off the pizza. “It’s crazy how much I want to help and be with him after such a short time knowing each other. But I can’t stop thinking about him even though he’s ignored me every day this week.”

“You said you want to help him? With what? Homework, sports, whatever twenty-year-olds do these days?”

I smile at him but then it falls when I think of the real reason. “He has something going on in his life that he won’t tell anyone about. He lives alone and doesn’t respond to texts or phone calls. I get this feeling that he needs someone by his side, but I don’t want to barge over to his place and demand that he talks to me.” I rub the back of my neck, giving Elio a helpless shrug.

“Hmm. It sounds like you’ve made a strong connection. Maybe he doesn’t know how to ask you or perhaps he doesn’t want to make you feel like you have to be with him. He might be struggling for the right words to say without sounding desperate.” He says with a soft smile. “It’s just a thought but I almost lost the one person who understood me inside and out because I didn’t want to burden him with my internal struggle of being gay.” He looks over with a loving look to where Lorenzo is patiently working with the new girl. He has what can only be described as hearts in his eyes as he watches his husband.

“So, I should go see him, even if he hasn’t said anything, right? I don’t want it to backfire and for him to think I’m being pushy or anything like that. Damn, when did feelings become so hard?” I laugh at myself.

Elio looks back at me with a knowing smile. “You’d be surprised how much those feelings will shape your future.” He taps the tabletop twice before standing. “It was nice seeing you again Shane. Maybe next time you won’t be alone.” He winks and then pats me on the shoulder as he walks to his husband. I watch as he wraps Lorenzo in a hug from behind and kisses the back of his neck.

As I eat, I go back and forth on whether I should go see Charlie or wait for him to come to me. By the time I’m finished, I’ve decided that I’ve never waited for anything to come to me, I’ve always gone after what I want. And what I want is Charlie.

I can hear music through Charlie’s closed door before I even get to it. I knock as hard as I can without sounding like I’m the cops. He must be in his art room because there’s no answer after the third round of knocks.

I pull out my phone and call him. I hear the bass of the song cut off, replaced by Bring Me to Life by Evanescence. It plays for thirty seconds before stopping and being replaced by the song that was playing before.

I put my ear to the door listening for any movement. I hear what I think is a door opening but nothing else. I knock again then put my forehead to the door. “Charlie? It’s me. Can you please open the door?” I close my eyes as I will him to come to the door.

After what seems like an hour but was only a few minutes, I hear the lock click. I open my eyes as he slowly opens the door. I don’t know what I was expecting but Charlie with deep purple half-moons under his eyes, hair a disheveled greasy mess, wearing an oversized shirt with no pants, along with bright red welts on his arms, and reeking of weed, wasn’t it.

He's looking down at his bare feet as he hugs himself. He takes a step back as I step towards him. I keep walking to him until I’m inside with the door closed behind me. He’s standing there, not moving, looking at the floor. I slowly walk up to him with my hand out so he can see that I’m going to touch him. He flinches slightly as my hand lands on his bare shoulder. His skin is ice cold.

I move closer until I’m right in front of him. He’s still zoned out looking at the floor as I bring my arms around him to wrap him in a hug. He’s shivering as I tighten my hold, but he doesn’t push me away.

I don’t know how long we stand here for, but he doesn’t say anything or even cry. I rub his back before I lean back to lift his chin up with my finger. His eyes have lost that vibrant golden hue I’ve found myself wanting to see all the time. They’re now bloodshot and dark brown looking more exhausted than I’ve ever seen him. My throat tightens as tears threaten to spill.

I brush my thumbs over the purple under his eyes. “Please talk to me, beautiful.”