Page 44

Charlie

C onsciousness comes back in waves. The first sense I get is hearing. There’s a constant beeping and whirring sound all around me. The next is touch. I can’t feel my left arm, but my right hand is on something warm and prickly. I wiggle my fingers but can’t figure out what it is. Then I finally, slowly, pry my eyes open. But the light burns so much that I have to close them. I try again to slowly open my eyes and get used to the light little by little until I’m able to keep them open in a squint.

Looking around the room, I realize the only light that’s on is the light directly above me making the rest of the room dark. Looking up at the insistent beeping, I see a few machines that have wires that lead under my blanket. Then I see a huge cast on my numb left arm. Moving across my stomach, I stop when I see light brown ruffled hair against my hip. My fingers twitch on his cheek.

“Sh-”

Goddamn my throat hurts. It feels like I swallowed shards of glass. I gather what little saliva I can and swallow to coat my throat. Moving my fingers back and forth, I try again.

“Sh…ane,” I cough at the dryness. “Shane.”

His long dark eyelashes flutter before his eyes pop open. He doesn’t say anything as he looks at me. He looks almost scared.

“Is this real? Are you really awake?” He squeezes his eyes closed. “I can’t have this dream again,” he whispers.

I tap his cheek. “It’s real.”

Opening his eyes and sitting up, he moves his head to lay on my chest. We look into each other’s eyes as tears soak the side of his face and the blanket.

“I thought I lost you, baby,” he whispers.

“I’m sorry,” I rasp as tears hit the cannula on my cheeks. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I could-”

“No, baby. You have no reason to apologize.” He sits up and brings a cup with a straw to my lips. “I shouldn’t have gone to the party.”

I take a few sips of the wonderfully cold water. He sets it back on the table and takes my hand in his.

I clear my throat, looking into his tired eyes. “He was going to get me eventually. There’s no escaping my father once he has a plan for you.”

His eyebrows scrunch. “Your father? I thought it was Conrad.”

Now it’s my turn to be confused. Everything is a little hazy. I remember sitting in my car in front of my townhouse then somehow ended up at my father’s office that’s closest to my parents’ house. I was sitting across from my father’s desk, but I don’t remember what he said then I was driving and the last thing I remember was calling Shane and feeling tired.

“Charlie,” Shane squeezes my hand in both of his, “Conrad he, he raped you and did that,” he points to my casted left arm. I watch his Adam’s apple bob with a thick swallow. “He said it wasn’t the first time. Baby, I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” He kisses the back of my hand, a tear catching on the IV.

Tears fill my eyes.

But I’m done letting Conrad control this part of me.

Go live the life you deserve.

Blinking back the tears, I clear my throat. “I don’t remember it happening this time but yes, he-he has been r-raping and sexually assaulting me since I was fifteen. He used me when his wife didn’t want to sleep with him anymore. When it first happened, he held it over my head that he knew I was gay and that my father would kill me if he found out. He even threatened to hurt Benji and because I looked up to him, I felt like I had to protect him. So much good that did.”

Shane is frozen except for a tear that leaves a wet trail down his stubbled cheek. Looking closer at him I notice the dark circles under his eyes, his disheveled hair, and how wrung out he looks. I lift my good arm, which weighs a lot more than it should, and wipe the tear away.

“No more crying.”

He holds my hand against his cheek as my weak muscles give out.

“I love you Shane and I-I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I can’t promise that my messed-up mind won’t spiral again or that I won’t slip into another depressive episode. But I want to be a better version of myself because you deserve that, Shane.”

Turning his head, he kisses my palm. His icy blue eyes are sparkling with unshed tears, his wet lashes making them even brighter.

"I love you so much, baby. More than words could ever hold. I promise to love you through every high and low, through every storm this world throws at us. No matter how hard it gets, I’ll never leave your side. I’m yours, always.”

A sudden wave of exhaustion hits me. My eyelids droop, making it harder and harder to keep open.

Shane chuckles as he sets my hand on the bed, still clasped in his. “Get some rest, beautiful. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

I try to say I don’t want to, but sleep takes me first.

I slowly stay awake for longer periods of time as the days go by. Walking for the first time was embarrassing. I couldn’t even hold my own weight for more than a few seconds. And then the hospital psychiatrist came, and I had to explain why tried to kill myself. I didn’t give him all the reasons, just enough that he’ll deem me mentally okay to go home.

I’ve been to this rodeo before.

Shane wasn’t too thrilled that I didn’t go into detail, but he understood that a personal therapist would be better for that trauma.

Guess there’s no escaping them now.

I’m sitting in the pickup area in a wheelchair while Lily fills me in on her day. Apparently, Noah has moved on from trying to get with her and is now dating a freshman who looks like she stepped out of a Playboy magazine. Fake tits and all.

I see Shane’s truck pull up and jump out of the wheelchair.

“Hey, you’re supposed to be sitting. Nothing strenuous, remember.” Lily reaches for me. “You have weakened lungs, a massive cast, and dizzy spells,” she chastises.

I might have lied to the nurse about having those. Not sure if being dizzy would have kept me here but a week was enough for me.

“I’m fine.”

Shane appears and opens my door. “Hook your right arm around my neck and I’ll lift you in.”

He kisses me once I’m seated and buckled in. “Love you.”

He’s been kissing me a lot this week and I can’t say that I’m not enjoying it. He was affectionate before but now anytime we’re near each other, he gives me a kiss and always needs to be touching me.

Lily waves as she heads to her car while we pull away.

We’re quiet as we pull out of the parking lot but, I’ve had a question lingering in the back of my mind since I’ve been remembering more from that night, and I can’t keep it in anymore.

“Did you kiss Katie at the party,” I ask softly while looking down and playing with the string of my hoodie.

“What? I haven’t been with her in over a year.” I see him look at me out of the corner of my eye. “Baby, I’d never cheat on you. You know that, right?”

I nod slowly. “Yeah, but I saw a picture of you guys and it looked like-”

“She was drunk,” he interrupts, “and was hanging all over me. I was making sure she didn’t fall and hurt herself.” He stops at a red light and turns my chin so I’m looking at him. “I love you and only you Charlie Alexander. No one in this world could ever change that.”

I fight back tears because I know he loves me and would never do that. It just felt like he picked her over me in that moment.

“I know. I’m sorry,” I whisper.

He wipes away the tear that escapes and leans in for a kiss. “No more crying, remember? We have each other and that’s all we’ll ever need.” He kisses my forehead before turning away and continues driving when the light turns green.

“Is there any news about Conrad?”

He and Ryder filled me in on how Ryder’s dad is putting together an investigation on Conrad for not only sexually assaulting me but other young men as well.

Shane blows out a slow breath. “There’s a warrant out for his arrest but so far they haven’t found him.”

My heart sinks. I don’t want to live in fear, knowing he’s still out there somewhere.

“But,” he squeezes my thigh, “there are cameras everywhere these days. So, it’s only a matter of time before one of them spots him up, and then he’ll have evading police added to his sentence.”

That makes me feel a little better. He’s not smart enough to hide from the police without my father’s help.

This brings me to ask an even harder question.

“What about Franklin?” My heart beats faster knowing he’ll do everything in his power to manipulate his way out of being accused of anything.

He smiles as he glances at me. “It turns out he hired the wrong guy to review his financials. Well, wrong for him but good for us.” He winks. “Jeremy Conway was hired by your father a little over a year ago and throughout the year he has been documenting multiple fraudulent accounts as well as years of tax evasion.”

“He stole money? Why would he do that when he has millions of dollars?"

Shane shrugs. “Greed? Either way Jeremy reported everything to the IRS when he heard about what happened with Conrad.”

I bite my lip. “So does that mean he’s in prison?”

The smile on Shane’s face has my heart fluttering. “He’s been fined five hundred thousand dollars for corporate tax evasion as well as five years in prison. They are still investigating the fraud accounts, but according to Ryder’s dad, he’s not leaving a cell any time soon.”

I should be happy so why do I feel like I just did something horrible?

“What’s that look for, beautiful? He can’t touch you now.”

“I know. I just feel like I’m forgetting some-”

Oh no!

I twist around to face him, immediately regretting it when my head spins.

“What about the house staff? There are at least twenty housekeepers that live in the small houses on the property. Did-did I just make them job and homeless?” Fuck, I think I’m going to throw up.

Gloria and her kids, Jeffery, Simon, and everyone else now without a job or a place to live.

Shane pulls into his usual parking spot in front of his condo and turns the truck off.

“Hey, it’s okay. Look at me.” He tilts my face up. “My dad has a few friends in real estate, and they were able to get everyone in a house. The houses are set up as rentals right now but if they decide they want to own it, we have the paperwork already set up for them.” He strokes my cheek tenderly. “And I’ve deposited five thousand dollars into each of their accounts with Ryder doing the same. We’ve got them covered, baby.”

This man.

“Have I told you how much I love you,” I croak, trying not to cry.

He leans over the center console, still holding my face. “How much do you love me,” he whispers over my mouth.

Looking into the eyes of the man with the most beautiful heart, who I’m unequivocally in love with, I give him the biggest piece of my heart.

“I love you, Shane Eli Hawkins, more than all the stars in the galaxy. I love you more than the strongest bond in Avatar, more than the warm Florida sun. You have filled my heart with love I’ve never felt before, and I know that I’ll always have you. Just like you’ll always have me.”

We kiss like we’ve never kissed before. Like oxygen doesn’t exist. Like all we need to live, is each other.

He reluctantly pulls his lips from mine, connecting our foreheads with a gentle grin.

“Even after everything you’ve been through?

I run my fingers through the side of his hair where it’s gotten longer and pull his lips back to mine.

“Always. It’s always been you, Shane.”