Page 18

Charlie

B EEP-BEEP, BEEP-BEEP…

Groaning, I wake up to my alarm going off. Blindly reaching out I find it on the pillow next to my head. Opening one eye, I turn the obnoxious noise off and bury my face in the pillow. A scent that’s all Shane permeates my senses. Grabbing the pillow, I take a deep breath in and hold it then slowly let it out with a smile.

Wait. Where is he?

I sit up and look around his room but he’s not here. Feeling the side of the bed that he slept on, I realize that it’s cold. Did he leave me alone in his condo? Grabbing my phone, I have a missed text from him and a missed call from my mother.

Not wanting to start my day listening to whatever she has to complain about, I click on the message from Shane instead.

Sexy Stix: Good morning beautiful. I had to leave for practice at 5:45 and didn’t want to wake you. I have classes all day and won’t be finished until 2:30 then I have strength training at 3 with the guys. I hope to see you again tonight. Have a great day :)

A shy smile curves my lips up. I’ve never gotten a good morning text before. It has butterflies dancing in my stomach.

Me: Good morning. I have a class this afternoon then one tonight at 6. Not sure what I’m doing afterward .

I hit send then quickly send another one.

Me: Why is your name Sexy Stix in my phone? I don’t remember saving your number.

I change his name to Blue.

I open the voicemail, but my phone vibrates with a new message.

Blue: I can come over when you get out of class and we can have a late dinner together. And my stick is pretty sexy, don’t you think? I also look sexy holding a hockey stick, so the name fits! ;)

He’s an emoji texter, just like Lily. Awesome.

Me: I’ll let you know later about dinner. Your dick is nice but I don’t really remember what you look like holding a hockey stick so that’s still up for debate.

Blue: Nice? That’s it? Not sexy or huge or mouthwatering? eggplant emoji water squirt emoji

I can’t help but laugh because it is one hundred percent sexy, huge, and mouthwatering. Not as big as an eggplant but I don’t think there’s a dick emoji.

Looking at the time, I have about two hours before my first class. I need to go home and change too.

Me: Ok fine, it’s better than nice. It’s gorgeous, like you.

Oh my God, I did not just send that. I rush out another text before closing the text thread.

Me: I’ve got to get ready for class. Bye.

You’re so stupid!

Getting out of bed, I head for the bathroom.

My mother’s message can wait until I get home.

I take care of my full bladder and then head to his door. I know I’m alone but I’m still hesitant to leave his room. Peeking into the empty condo, the sun is glowing through the thin curtain, blanketing the room in a soft glow. I step out and quickly make my way to the front door. On my way past the kitchen island, I see a blue Post-it with messy handwriting on it.

Have a great day, beautiful.

I peel it off the hard surface and stare at it for a few minutes. Why is he so nice to me? I feel like a burden. All that I’ll do is bring sadness into his life.

I trace my finger over his words.

But he didn’t leave me like everyone else does when I’m stuck in my head. My birthday is always hard, but he stayed with me.

I stick the note in the empty slot in my wallet where the cash goes. I slide on my shoes and head out to the elevator. As it’s reaching the main floor, I remember that Shane drove here and I have no idea how to get back to campus. Checking the time on my phone I know that Lily and Noah are both in class for another forty minutes. Shane said he has classes all day so I can’t ask him for a ride.

I bite my lip as I step outside and look around at the unfamiliar buildings. Pulling up a ride-share app, I notice the tall quiet guy from last night step out of an old pickup truck and waves me over. I look around me for someone else he might know but I’m the only one standing here.

I slowly walk over to him and stop a few feet away, not sure what to do.

He tilts his head towards the passenger side and then climbs in without saying anything.

O-kay.

I climb in and buckle my seat belt. I glance over at him as he pulls out of the parking spot, still not looking at me. He has a country station playing on low and the windows rolled down. He’s taller than Shane but doesn’t have as much muscle. His short black hair is blowing around as he squints against the bright sun. He doesn’t seem to be the talkative type, which I appreciate, so the ride is quiet besides the twang of the singer on the radio.

Twenty minutes later we are pulling under the Welcome to Gannon University arch. He picks up his cell phone, holds it to his face, then hands it to me. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with it though.

He pulls into the student parking lot and parks. Looking at me, he points to my phone I have on my knee and then his phone in my hand. I look at his home screen for a clue as to what he’s trying to tell me but it’s just a picture of some kids.

He lets out a huff through his nose and takes his phone back. He taps on the screen a few times then hands it back to me with his eyebrows raised. Looking down at it I see a contact has been created with my name but no number.

Oh.

I quickly punch in my number and hand it back as my neck starts to heat in embarrassment.

Why else would he give you his phone, you dumbass.

My phone pings with a new text.

Unknown: Where do you live? All Shane said was on campus.

I save his name and number in my phone and quickly text back.

Me: I’m over in the student townhomes behind the main building.

He nods once and heads in that direction. I look out my window so he can’t see my face I can feel turning red. This is why I only have two friends. I don’t get people and picking up on hints or reading people’s minds isn’t my strong suit.

He slows down when he pulls into the parking lot for the townhomes and looks over at me.

Not again. I bite my lip and look out the windshield.

What does he want now? Why won’t he just ask?

As he drives past my building, I realize he was asking which one I live in.

Real smooth.

“Umm, you can stop right here. Thanks.”

He pulls into a parking spot and puts the truck in park. I’m about to jump out but turn to him at the last second. He lifts a dark brow when I don’t do or say anything. I send him another text and wince as I hit send.

Me: Not to sound rude but…what’s your name?

He huffs out of his nose again but this time I see the edge of his lips curve up in a tight smile. A second later my phone pings in my hand.

Tall guy: Asher

I’m about to look back up at him when another text comes through.

Tall guy: You don’t live in this building, do you?

I bite the corner of my lip and answer while still looking down at my phone.

“No. I’m in the one before this but I can walk. Thanks again.”

I try opening the door but it won’t budge. I pull the handle again and push my shoulder into the door. Nothing.

The truck shifts right before Asher slams his door, making me jump. He’s outside my door before I even realize what’s happening. He reaches through the open window and pulls on the handle by my leg. He grabs the top of the door frame with his other hand and pulls. The door opens with a loud screech as he steps to the side so I can get out, slamming the door closed behind me.

“Thank you, Asher.”

He nods and gets back in behind the wheel and drives away.

I change his contact name to his actual name as I walk to my building with my head down and get on the elevator. As I’m stepping off the elevator on my floor my phone pings twice with two new texts.

Asher: We have morning practice on Mondays and Wednesdays and weights in the afternoons. Tuesdays and Thursdays we have afternoon practices. Fridays and Saturdays are game days.

Asher: When you come the game. Gates open at 5:30 and the puck drops at seven. All our tickets are behind the benches, go to the ticket booth and give them your name. They will have your ticket with your seat number.

Me: Ok. Thanks

I wonder if Shane asked him to text me or if Asher is the silent big brother of their group? Unlocking my door, I know something is different as soon as I walk in.

I set my keys on the kitchen island as I pass it heading to the living room. It doesn’t look like anything is missing but…where are all my couch blankets? And why has my couch been moved away from the wall where I always have it?

Did Shane move them yesterday? My memory of yesterday is hazy, but I remember eating on the couch. Was it moved then? I rub a hand through my hair as I turn toward my room not wanting to give myself a headache trying to remember.

But when I open my door, I stop breathing. The pile of blankets are gone and it’s been cleaned. Like Marie, our cleaning lady from home came through and scrubbed every surface. My sheets are the same navy-blue color but they are brand new along with the pillow. It’s puffy and no longer has a crease in it from my head.

I look under my bed for the mess that always ends up under it but there’s not even a speck of dust on the floor.

What the fuck is happening?

I slowly walk to the bathroom door like there’s a bomb on the other side. It wasn’t that messy, but it had everything I needed in it. I push the door open and hold my breath as the room comes into view.

My black towel has been replaced with a light grey one along with the rug I keep by the shower. I don’t care that much about those but as I get closer to the vanity, my mouth goes dry making it hard to swallow. My heart starts beating against my chest so hard that it’s like it’s trying to escape.

I lift a shaky hand to the cabinet and slowly open it. I let out a huge sigh of relief at the sight of all the orange bottles on the shelf. I pick up the Xanax bottle and almost drop it when I see that it’s full.

How?

The others are filled as well, even the two I leave empty for the pills Pete gives me are now filled with weed.

What the fuck?

Closing the cabinet, I stare at myself in the mirror trying to figure out how this could happen. Lily is the only other person with a key.

My mother is the only one who knows about the pills, but she doesn’t have a key. And I haven’t seen her on my birthday in over five years so why would she leave Benji to come here? It doesn’t make sense.

My art!

I nearly fall on my face as I spin on my heel and run to my art room. I would normally lock it when I know she’s coming but there’s no reason for her to have been here yesterday.

The door is open, which is my first indication that someone was in it. My heartbeat is whooshing in my ears as I push the door open. Then it stops altogether when I see the sketch I drew yesterday. Of Shane. It now has a big black X through it with an arrow pointing to Shane’s face.

As I step closer on shaky legs, I see words written in my mother’s unmistakable handwriting.

Who is this?

His hoodie that I wore home Saturday is sitting on my stool. The black Sharpie that was used to draw the X is opened and pointing to the word hockey.

Oh fuck. She knows!

My legs give out as I start fighting for air on the floor.

How did she get in?

Why was she here?

Is she going to tell Father?

He’s going to kill me!

A piercing ringing starts in my ears and no matter how tightly I push my hands over my ears, it won’t stop.

“Please.”

Maybe she gave you stronger pills in hopes you’ll finally off yourself.

Or laced with them with fentanyl.

Father wouldn’t be disgusted by the sight of you anymore.

Benji will get your second half of the trust fund.

Nobody would care.

No, no, no!

“SHUT UP!”

I curl into a tight ball squeezing my eyes shut and yank my hair as hard as I can.

Suddenly I’m back there.

Stale cigarettes

Black eyes

Hands…everywhere

I open my eyes and see nothing but blackness. I stare into those dark eyes and scream. I scream as loud as I can. I scream until my lungs burn and my voice goes hoarse. Tears are streaming down my cheeks as I pull my legs to my chest and start rocking.

“Oh my god, Charlie!”

Someone with cold fingers presses on the side of my neck, then my forehead. I blink my dry eyes slowly until Lily comes into view. She’s kneeling in front of me, breathing hard.

I try to swallow but there’s no saliva in my dry mouth.

“You scared me half to death, Charlie. I’ve been calling for an hour then your neighbor downstairs said she heard screaming a little bit ago. I don’t know why her lazy ass couldn’t come up here to check on you.” She lets out a breath and looks at me. “What happened, Jax?” She starts running her fingers through my hair.

The way she’s looking at me makes me want to cry. She helps me sit up as the world spins. She moves to sit next to me and wraps her small arms around me in a tight hug. I lay my head on hers as I stare at the destroyed picture.

“She came into my home,” my raspy voice wavers.

Lily looks up at the drawing of Shane. “Who?”

“My mother.”

She sits up and reaches into her bag. Pulling out a water bottle and handing it to me. I try to give her a smile in thanks, but I can’t make my lips move. I take a small sip of water, savoring the cool feeling of the water rushing down my sore throat. I go to put the lid back on, but Lily shakes her head and lifts the bottle back to my lips.

“You need more than that. You sound like you smoked an entire pack of cigarettes.”

I drink half the bottle, relieved when she doesn’t make me drink more.

“Why would she come in when you weren’t here? Wait, did she do that?” She points to the canvas.

I nod, feeling numb.

“Do you think she recognizes him from the team?”

“I don’t know. He gave me his hockey hoodie and she found it.” I lift my chin toward my stool.

She stands up and walks over to where it’s sitting. Capping the marker, she sets it on the table, then picks up the hoodie. Looking at the picture for a minute she comes back and sits next to me.

“It doesn’t look like she wrote on the hoodie. I know the picture is destroyed but you can always draw it again. I’m pretty sure Sticks wouldn’t mind sitting for another one.” She bumps my shoulder with hers. “He’s a good guy. You shouldn’t fear being yourself with your parents. I know they’re probably homophobic bigots but if they can’t love you for you then you don’t need them in your life.”

She’s right. But the truth is I am scared of them, and I most likely will always fear them to some degree. My father has expressed his disgust towards anyone who even appears to be part of the LGBTQ community. He made it clear that I would not be welcomed in his house if I had any feelings towards other men. And unfortunately, I do need to keep him in my life because he’s holding the second half of my trust fund. I need to graduate college to receive it and once I do, I’m using it to move far away and start a new life.

“Come on. Let’s get you off this hard floor and out of here for a little bit.” She stands and holds out her hands to help me up.

I get to my feet and hold her hand as we leave my art room. The sun is brightly shining in from my glass doors as I walk to the kitchen. Lily comes up beside me and leans on the counter.

“You missed your class. I had Sam email her notes to you so you know what happened.”

This girl is the best. I don’t deserve her friendship, but I’m glad to have her looking out for me.

I side hug her and whisper my thanks into her curls. She steps back and heads to the fridge. “Are you hungry? I’m not taking no for an answer so come up with a different one.” She smiles over her shoulder as she opens the door. “Wow. Where did all of this come from? There’s so many fruits and vegetables.” She pops up with a bowl of grapes and a huge smile. “This is screaming Shane Hawkins all over it.”

I snort and shake my head at her, trying to hide my smile.

She sets the bowl down between us, tosses a grape in the air, and catches it in her mouth. After she chews and swallows, she turns to face me with her back against the counter.

“I have a class in about thirty minutes but I was thinking of skipping it so we can go hang out in the art building. I’m working on this piece that’s nothing but hands.” She wiggles her fingers in my face, laughing.

“But you hate drawing hands.”

“Exactly! What better way to get better at it than drawing them over and over and over again?”

I guess that makes sense, but I don’t want to be by art work right now.

“You shouldn’t skip class for me. It’s not worth you missing something important. I’ll find something to do while you’re in class.” I give her what I hope is a reassuring smile.

She studies me with her head tilted, hand in the grape bowl.

“If you’re sure you don’t need me then I’ll go. But I promise I’ll be the first one out then we can go get a late lunch or early dinner.” She grins as she puts the grapes away then grabs my hand to leave.

I walk her to her class and wave bye as she heads inside. It’s finally starting to cool down during the day, so I decide to go for a walk. I let my feet lead me around campus and when I almost trip over a branch, I realize that I’m in the woods.

Looking around I don’t recognize any of these trees. I don’t see the huge tree I usually lean against anywhere.

Where the hell am I?

I pull my phone from my pocket and see that I’ve been walking for almost two hours. There’s a text from Lily asking if I’m going out to eat with her and Noah. That was about an hour ago. But she knows if I don’t answer a text about eating, I’m not going.

I walk through the woods for a little longer until it starts to get darker. As I finally see my tree, I hear voices approaching. I squat down behind a nearby tree as they get closer.

“Slow down Benny. I can’t twist my ankle before the season has even started.” Her voice sounds familiar.

“I’ve got you, baby.”

Benji?

I peek out from my hiding spot and see the back of my brother’s head. He has a blonde up against my tree, kissing. He pins her hands above her head and grinds on her hip.

I turn around and sit with my back against a tree, not wanting to see that. Soon the kissing sounds turn into annoying moans and fake pleas. I roll my eyes as I doodle in the dirt, getting lost in the image as they do their thing.

“I saw Shane with a guy the other day.” I hear the girl say sometime later. I turn my head and lean over so I can see them. They’re rearranging clothes, thankfully finished.

Hopefully, they’ll leave soon so I can get up.

“Oh yeah? Was he making out with him?” Benji puts his hands on his hips making the muscles in his bare back bunch.

She hands him his shirt as she steps away from the tree and I realize it’s that cashier from Sip ‘n Go.

“No, but he had that look in his eye,” she says in a disgusted tone. “He’s going to ruin the team’s reputation, Benny. We’ll be known as the team with gay players and then everyone will have a target on their back because of him .” She now has her hands on her hips too.

Benji bunches his shirt in his hand before roughly pulling it on. “I’ll take care of it. I don’t care that he’s the captain. A faggot should never be in a position of power like that.”

Ice floods my veins. What’s he going to do to Shane? I have to tell him.

I’m so stuck in my head that I don’t notice that they’re walking my way until it’s too late. I look up as my brother’s shoes stop a foot away from me. His eyes go wide when he spots me but quickly schools his features when the girl looks back when she notices Benji isn’t next to her. She walks back over to him and follows his line of sight.

“Oh. My. God. That’s him! That’s the guy Shane was with!” She pointed to me like Benji didn’t know who she was talking about. “Wait, were you just watching us? Oh my God, you perv!” She shrieks.

Benji stands there, looking down at me with no emotion on his face. I look up at him and hope our twin telepathy works as I plead for him to just leave me.

“Let’s go, Katie. He doesn’t mean anything.” He grabs her elbow and starts walking away.

“You better not say anything to Shane or someone’s going to get hurt.” She spits as she walks away.

I watch as they walk away then continue staring until it’s so dark that the trees start to blend together.

He doesn’t mean anything.

A faggot should never be in a position of power like that.

‘You're a disgrace to your father's name.’

‘I will ruin you.’

‘You will pay for looking at him like that.’

I’m dead if Benji tells our father I was seen with Shane.