Page 41

Shane

“C ome on Shane, just one more! You nursed that last drink for like an hour and that was over two hours ago!”

Ryder has been offering me drink after drink since we walked through the doors a few hours ago. He knows I’m not a big drinker, but I guess when Charlie uses those golden eyes on you, you do what he asks.

A sharp pain twists in my chest.

Guilt.

I know he said he didn’t need help and was fine on his own, but I feel like I should have gone with him. It’s been there, the guilt, in the back of my mind the moment I watched him pull away.

“Yo, earth to Shane!”

A hand waves in front of my face, snapping me back. Matt is now in front of me, looking just as drunk as Ryder.

“Hey, there you are. I thought aliens took over your brain when you didn’t respond.” His glassy eyes squint. “Wait, you have that look! Ryder! Ryder, he has that weird look he gets when he’s thinking too hard! Ryder? Where the fuck are you?” He yells.

I watch as he sways to the beat pulsing through the house, swinging his head from side to side, looking for Ryder. I shake my head when I spot Ryder in the middle of two busty women in the middle of the makeshift dance floor. Matt must forget what he’s doing because he’s now dancing, horribly I might add, with a guy from the football team. Huh, looks like he’s in explore mode with his sexuality. Good for him.

Looking around the hot overcrowded room, I spot Asher leaning against the wall next to the door that leads to the backyard. He hates being around this many people like Charlie, but he always comes because he knows our two best friends are a handful to deal with when they’re drunk and it’s time to leave.

He catches my eye and tilts his head towards the door next to him. I make my way through sweaty bodies and follow him outside. The freezing air feels like heaven on my overheated skin. We walk over to the rail and lean on it, looking out at the backyard that’s lit up with a shit ton of twinkling lights.

“I don’t remember it being this wild last year. Even downstairs has been overrun. So much for it being upperclassmen only.”

Ash grunts. ‘What was up with Katie being all over you?’

I roll my eyes. “She wanted to go upstairs and find an empty room. She was so unstable on her stilettos that she ended up falling against me.” Shaking my head, I chuckle. “I handed her off to one of her less drunk friends. Girl can’t catch a hint if it slapped her in the face.”

Ash nods. ‘I haven’t seen Lily,’ he signs. ‘She’s usually late but not this late.’

I nudge his elbow with mine. “Am I sensing a crush?” I tease.

Shaking his head, he shoves me before turning around and looking back into the house before turning his head to me.

‘She’s gorgeous but way out of my league. It just seems odd that she’s not at one of the biggest parties these fraternities have.’

I turn to mirror his position. “Yeah, it is strange for her to miss this.”

I watch a few girls stumble out of the house, giggling like crazy while hanging off each other.

“Hi Shaaaane,” they say in unison as they pass us, wiggling their fingers in a wave.

Ash snorts.

I wack him in the stomach with the back of my hand. “Shut up,” I chuckle.

We stand there in silence as we watch the party rage on inside, but my mind is still on Charlie.

Always Charlie.

“What if he needed help and called Lily instead of me?” I think out loud. “I know he thinks he’s bothering me when he calls.”

Pulling out my phone, I see that I have four missed calls and two texts. I don’t recognize one of the numbers, but the other three calls are from Lily along with the texts.

I show my phone to Ash. “I think I might have the answer as to where she’s at.”

He nods, not taking his eyes off someone inside.

Opening the texts, I see that the first one was from about an hour ago.

Feisty Pants: Do you know where Charlie is? I stopped by with food on my way to the DIK party, but no one’s home.

He should have been back by then.

The next text was sent less than thirty minutes ago.

Feisty Pants: Answer your fucking phone Shane! Something is seriously wrong!

I grab Asher’s attention as I click over to my voicemail. My hands shake as I click on her first voicemail and hit the speaker button.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God! Why do you have a phone if you aren’t going to answer texts or phone calls? Seriously?” She hangs up.

I quickly clicked on her next voicemail which came a minute later.

“Shane,” she’s crying now, “I can’t find him and he’s not answering. He never ignores my calls. He hates the ringtone I picked. I used it on purpose, so he has to answer for it to stop.” She lets out a shuttering breath. “I’ve known him for over seven years, and I know, I know , that something isn’t right. I can feel it. Please call me back. I need to find him.”

Asher stands up taller as the trembling in my hand intensifies. He reaches for my phone and steadies it, hitting the last voicemail from her.

She doesn’t say anything but she’s crying harder this time. My heart drops into my stomach as I imagine the worst. Then her broken whisper has me seeing red.

“Benji. He knows where Charlie is. He just called me and said,” a choked cry breaks her voice, “said that Charlie has been taken care of and for me to tell you to…to throw away his things. Because…oh God Shane. I think he’s d-dead.” She starts sobbing before the voicemail cuts off.

Dead? Benji? This doesn’t make any sense. I swear I saw Benji hanging out with a group of guys a little while ago.

I look over at Asher as my vision swims. “He’s here, right? Benji? We saw him when we first got here.”

“No.” It’s a deep, rough sound that I’ve only heard twice before.

“Fuck!” I scrub my hands over my face roughly.

I swipe over to Charlie’s number and hit call. It rings three times before I’m sent to voicemail.

“Charlie. Baby. What’s going on? Call me back.”

I quickly hang up and redial, but it goes directly to voicemail this time.

Shit.

“I’ve gotta go.”

I leave Asher and I make my way back into the house. It’s stifling in here. With each body that I move out of my way, five more take their place. I’m starting to feel real, raw panic deep in my bones the longer it takes me to get through the house.

I shove a few more people and finally make it to the front door. Swinging it open and I take off in a dead sprint for my truck that I had to park two blocks away.

My heart is pumping loudly in my ears as I get closer. Once I reach my truck and open my door, I’m shocked when not only Asher but Matt and Ryder climb in too. Ash nods once before I put the truck in drive and fly to Charlie’s townhouse.

“Do we know anything? What happened or where he is?” Ryder asks from the back seat.

“No. I have no fucking idea what’s going on. Lily called crying saying Benji knows where he’s at and that he’s been taken care of. Whatever the fuck that means.”

“I’m going to kill that mother fucker with my bare hands,” Matt growls behind me.

“You and me both.” I catch his eye in the rearview mirror, all traces of being drunk have been replaced with anger.

Making it to the row of townhouses a minute later, I throw the truck in park and run to the doors. Entering the code, we’re stopped the second we step inside.

“Good evening gentlemen. It’s about time you showed up. That annoying girl in the office practically talked my ear off while I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Franklin Alexander.” I’ve never wanted to punch someone more than I do in this moment. “Where is he?”

He straightens the cuffs on his jacket, looking bored. “Who? That incompetent son of mine?” He looks me in the eye as he takes a step closer. “He’s gone. Never to step foot out of my sight again. I knew it was a mistake letting him come here. I thought if I’d let him get all this childish coloring out of his system, he’d realize working for me is the correct choice.” He stops less than a foot away. “That’s a mistake I’ll never make again.”

My fists are clenched so tight that my short nails are cutting into my palms.

“Where. The fuck. Is he?” I ground out through my teeth.

He steps forward, meeting me toe to toe. “Gone.” His brown eyes hold no remorse. No guilt. “It’d do you well to forget he ever existed. Wouldn’t want him holding you back from a career in the NHL.”

Asher growls as Franklin steps around me and comes face to face with him. Ash towers over him and if looks could kill, Franklin would be lying on the floor right now.

Franklin scans him from head to toe then back up again. “Move or your alcoholic lowlife excuse of a mother is next, Asher Westbrooke.”

Ash hesitates for a second but then steps to the side as he clenches his fists.

We watch as Franklin gets into the passenger seat of a black Rolls-Royce that pulls up with Conrad behind the wheel. Franklin rolls down his window and both men look at us.

“That boy of yours sure has a tight ass. It was like fucking him for the first time all over again. Too bad his dick never grew past five inches.” A maniacal laugh comes from both before they speed away.

I see Matt and Ryder run after them, but they sway as the earth tilts. My knees hit the hard concrete as a pained sob escapes my lips.

How could I let this happen?

Another painful cry wracks my chest as Conrad’s words filter through my head again.

“I’m going to be sick,” I say a second before expelling the contents of my stomach in the grass next to me.

“You’re okay man.”

I don’t know who says that, but I can feel all three of them around me.

“He…he was raped. He never said anything. And then again tonight-”

“We’ll find him. I don’t plan on resting until he’s back in our condo,” Ryder’s stern, confident voice cuts off the images that are playing in my head.

“Neither are we. We’ve got your back.” I look up through watery eyes and see Matt and Asher holding out their hands.

I slowly stand up on unsteady legs, my heart still in my stomach. “I have no idea where to even look for him,” I rasp.

“Let me call Lily and see what she knows. I’m sure she’s already searching for him.” Ryder steps to the side as he holds his phone up to his ear.

“Is that his Mustang?” Matt points to a deep blue Mustang parked in the back of the parking lot.

We make our way to it, and I’m shocked to find it unlocked. He loves this car and would never leave it unlocked. I climb into the driver’s seat as Matt takes the back and Ash walks around, looking at the outside. Nothing is out of place. He keeps his car fairly clean with a gum wrapper here and there.

Looking over my shoulder at Matt, he shakes his head. “There’s nothing back here. The only thing that I can tell is off is the seat. Charlie has tiny legs. There’s no way he could reach the pedals from all the way back here.”

Now that I noticed it, I was able to sit behind the wheel without adjusting anything for my height.

“Someone moved his car. But why?”

“No idea. Doesn’t he usually park close to the doors?”

“Yeah…” I drift off.

Ash taps on the roof to get our attention. ‘There’s no change to the paint or tires,’ he signs.

I toss my hat on the dash and aggressively run my hands through my hair.

“FUCK!”

I pull out my phone to try calling him again when I see the voicemail icon and remember the message from the number I didn’t recognize. Clicking on it, my heart sinks at the sound of Charlie’s voice. He sounds so sad and defeated even though he’s telling me he loves me and how he wants me to get into the NHL. He even calls me Superstar. But tears fall as I listen to him say how tired he is. Then all I can hear is a whooshing sound before the call ends.

I drop my phone into my lap as I cover my face, trying like hell not to break apart.

“We’ll find him, man.” Matt grips my shoulder.

Ryder steps from behind Asher, slightly out of breath.

“Lily said she went to his house in Indiana and was able to stop one of the housekeepers when he was pulling out of their driveway. He said he didn’t know where Charlie was but that one of their Aston Martins was missing. She drove around town but didn’t see it. When she was telling me about how fucked up his family is, she passed Benji heading the opposite way.” He shakes his head. “I heard her tires squealing through the phone as she turned around and followed him back to the house. Guess who she has trapped in the garage?”

“Let’s go!” I run for my truck without waiting for them.

He’s not leaving that garage until he tells me exactly where Charlie is.

“You good to drive,” Ryder asks as we get in.

“I’m fine.” I hit the gas before the doors finish closing.

Ash puts the address Ryder reads off to him in the GPS. It says we’re two hours away. Fuck that. I’ll make it in one.

An hour and twenty minutes later we’re sitting outside of a huge gate waiting for it to open. It’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen and makes me hate his family even more.

A loud click is heard through the closed windows as the gate slowly opens. As soon as there’s enough room to not rip off my side mirrors, I launch up the driveway.

“There,” Ryder points to where Lily’s car is parked sideways.

Pulling up next to it, we get out and are immediately greeted by an older Mexican woman. She studies us in silence for a moment before stopping on me.

“Shane.” She holds out a hand for me.

I place my rough palm in her soft one. She squeezes before leading us through a side door and into a spacious garage.

There are only two cars but there are at least fifteen people in here, including a furious Lily and an angry Benji. I take a step towards them, but the lady squeezes my hand again.

“Do whatever you must to find Charlie. We’re all here to help you.”

“I’m not leaving here until I get answers.”

“Gracias.” She lets my hand go and stands next to an older man, both blocking the door we came through.

“Why the fuck are you here, Hawkins? He’s gone. G-O-N-E. What about that don’t you understand?” Benji stands in the middle of the garage with his hands on his hips.

“He’s not gone. You know where he is, and I swear to fuck if you don’t tell me in the next thirty seconds, I’m going to fuck you up so badly that not even a plastic surgeon will be able to fix your face.”

“Ha! Good one. Why do you care so much about his pathetic ass anyway? It’s not like he was good for anything,” he scoffs.

My nostrils flare as red-hot anger boils in my veins. “He’s the love of my life. Something your self-centered ass would never comprehend. How can you think that way about your own brother? Fuck, your twin brother at that? You fucking disgust me.”

“Me? He’s the one who’s been suicidal since we were fifteen. Always doing shit for attention, faking being ‘depressed’, and then having the nerve to drink so much he had to be hospitalized. Please. You think I’m the disgusting one?” He walks to where I’m standing with my arms crossed over my chest. “He forced himself onto Conrad on our fifteenth birthday. Fucking begged Conrad to fuck him because he was jealous that I had been having sex for two years by then. He was so desperate to have sex that he propositioned a man three times his age.” A mean smirk has his lip lifting. “But once he had Conrad’s dick up his ass, he freaked out and suddenly became ‘depressed’. I don’t buy it though. It’s all for the attention he’ll never receive from our father. He’s always been the weaker one between us.”

“You’re a fucking liar!” Lily yells.

He looks to where she’s standing next to Ryder. “Am I though? Are you not the one who begged me to put those bars on his sliding door so he wouldn’t use the balcony as a launch pad? I don’t know why you’ve wasted all this time on him. He should have jumped that first night and saved us from his shitty mood swings.”

“You piece of fucking shit!” Matt runs up to him, arm cocked back, and delivers a blow so hard that it knocks Benji out for a second. “Stay down, bitch.” He spits on Benji’s dazed face then puts his foot on his chest.

Lily is crying into Ryder’s chest and it’s taking all my strength not to break down with her.

That sick perverted man raped a fifteen-year-old boy on his birthday. Then he did it again today. Were there other times? Did he force himself onto Charlie that night I found him bleeding on his bathroom floor? Does his father beat him because of what happened?

Bile races up my throat for a second time tonight.

“Get your fucking foot off me, Kane.” Benji tries to lift Matt’s foot from his chest, but he’s nothing against Matt’s strength.

“Why did you keep using air quotes when you said depressed?” Ryder’s irritated voice comes over Lily’s crying. “Do you not understand what a person goes through when their own mind works against them? It’s a mental illness that he CANNOT control! Have some fucking empathy!”

Benji just laughs.

“Tell us where Charlie is, and maybe I’ll consider not crushing your fucking ribs.”

Benji wheezes as Matt adds pressure to his chest.

“Fuck you. All of you. I hope he drowns in misery and finally finishes it this time. Always taking the coward’s way out-”

Matt moves his foot to Benji’s throat, cutting him off. He leans down, making Benji’s face turn red. “Wrong answer. How do you feel about having a crushed windpipe?”

Lily snaps her head up and runs to me with wide, fearful eyes. “I know where he’s at! Why the hell didn’t I think of it earlier? He always runs there when everything goes to shit.”

“Lily!” I grab her shoulders harder than I mean to, making her stop. “Where?”

“Ayers Beachfront Landing.”

That whooshing sound from his voicemail. It was waves!

“How do I get there? Fuck it, send it to my phone. Ry let’s go, Ash stay with Matt in case Benji gets any ideas.” They both nod.

I turn on my heel and sprint for my truck.

“Shane,” Lily calls as I’m about to close my door. “Take Central Avenue ten miles East just over the bridge that leads to the highway. Main Street is the first road on the right. It’ll lead right to the gates of Ayers.”

“Got it. I’ll call if-when I find him.”

Fifteen minutes later I come to a stop behind a silver Aston Marton smashed against the welcome sign with the trunk open. We rush out, not bothering to close the doors behind us. He’s not in the car but his stuff from his townhouse is all over the trunk. Looking around the dark entrance, I don’t see any trace of him.

“Charlie!” Cupping my hands around my mouth I call for him again. “Charlie, where are you?”

Nothing but the sounds of waves crashing in the distance meets my ears.

Ryder points to the path that leads to the beach. “This way,” he says before taking off running. I follow him, cursing the cold wind blowing towards us making it take longer to get to the water.

When we reach the lake, there are miles of sand going left and right. Turning on the flashlights on our phones, we go in opposite directions.

“Charlie!” I yell but it’s drowned out by the waves and wind.

My heart beats like a jackhammer as I scan every inch of sand and up on the dunes. I pan the light over the black lake and search for his milky white skin. When I don’t see anything, I’m relieved but it’s short-lived when I turn around and look up at the dunes. They stretch the length of the beach and are about eight feet high with some spots well over ten feet.

Shivering when a freezing mist that feels like needles hits the back of my neck, I pocket my phone and use the stars and moonlight to see as I climb up the sandy dune. It’s unstable as hell, my feet fighting to find traction on the little pieces of dead grass that are covered by more sand.

Finally making it to the top, I cup my frozen hands around my mouth. “Charlie!” There’s no movement on either side of me.

Pulling my phone back out, I use the flashlight to continue searching.

After ten minutes with no sign of him, I drop to my knees in exhaustion. My hoodie does absolutely nothing against the bitter cold and I’ve lost feeling in my fingertips.

Looking up at the sky twinkling with stars, an icy tear falls down my cold cheek. “Where are you, baby?”

Another cold gust of wind hits me in the back, forcing me to stand up and keep moving. I turn around and walk back the way I came, hoping I missed him before I came up here. I scan the sand down below as I force my frozen legs to keep moving.

Bringing the light back in front of me, I stop when the light bounces off something shiny up ahead. Jogging closer, I almost drop my phone when a familiar pair of black combat boots appear.

I slip on the sand as I run towards him, calling his name, but he doesn’t move as I get closer.

“CHARLIE!”

His pale skin glows under the moonlight and his hair is blowing around wildly, blocking his face.

“No, no, no. Charlie!”

Dropping to my knees next to him, I pick up his head, place it in my lap, and move his hair out of his face. His lips are blue and there are scrapes all over his face.

I gently shake him. “Charlie? Wake up, baby. I’m here. I need you to wake up for me.” His body stays limp as mine starts to shiver.

Looking around frantically, I spot Ryder down on the sand a few feet away. “Ryder!” He waves and runs towards me.

Looking back down at Charlie with tears freezing on my cheeks, I place trembling fingers over his pulse point in his neck. My heart stops when I don’t feel anything.

“No. Charlie, please. You can’t leave me,” I cry. Hugging him to me, I rock back and forth, pleading for him to come back. “You have to wake up. I love you so much, baby. Please.”

“Shane.” Ryder’s scared voice comes from above me.

Slowly lifting my head, I follow his gaze and that’s when I see the pill bottles and an almost empty bottle of Jack Daniels next to Charlie’s leg. My skin breaks out in a cold sweat as I pick up one of the bottles with a trembling hand and only see four pills in it. Rotating it until the label appears, my vision swims as I read it.

It’s suddenly very hard to swallow when realization hits.

He wanted to die.

My baby was hurting so much that he didn’t want to live anymore.

I hug Charlie tighter as Ryder squats down on the opposite side of him. “Let me check,” he gently but firmly pushes me back far enough to reach Charlie’s neck.

“I-It’s not there. I couldn’t find his p-pulse, Ry,” I cry harder.

He places two fingers along Charlie’s neck as it starts snowing. I watch as snowflakes collect on his black eyelashes. I just want to see those beautiful golden-brown eyes one last time.

It only takes Ryder a few seconds but the second he looks up at me, I know.

“No! Charlie!” I wail into his chest. “I’m so sorry…please…I can’t lose you. I can’t.” Sobs wrack my body so hard that it becomes hard to breathe, but that only reminds me of his panic attacks and how long he’s been fighting, and it makes me cry harder. “I-I can’t…you’re my everything. My fucking heart belongs to you. Only ever you.” I’m squeezing him so tight that I don’t know where I end, and he begins.

I hear Ryder call 911, but I can’t let Charlie go. Not now, not like this. Maybe if I hold onto him tight enough, he’ll come back.

“I love you so much, beautiful. Please don’t go.”