Page 85

Missed You, Pet

T he days blur in a mixture of pain and anger. My body is getting accustomed to the pain, but the humiliation is the worst. I forgot what it felt like to be treated like nothing but a slave… a pet. The comments and barbs, the wandering hands. All meant to break me, but it won’t.

Every day Ivar plays his games. Sometimes just him and me, and sometimes with the others.

Every night Vasilisy, Evan, and I sit and talk.

We tell each other stories, sing, even joke.

Just to show each other that we are there.

On the nights where my body is broken, and it hurts to move and I don’t want to talk, I curl up in my bed and they sing to me.

Transporting me to magical places. Yet, the whole time I am thinking.

I am scheming, planning my way to kill him and his men.

Because I will. I will do it with my last fucking breath if I have to.

Today was no different than the other days.

Ivar took us outside and made us fight his men.

I was weak, slower than ever before. Half starved and body hurting, but I still managed to kick some ass.

Afterwards, Ivar was so angry that we won the fights, he threw a hissy fit and locked us back up, taking his rage out on his men. Better them than us.

It means we have more time than normal down here in what Evan is calling our party house––don’t ask. Somewhere along the line, we became friends, and he let go of his attitude. Even Vassy likes him.

Tonight’s topic of conversation is the past. A stupid subject if you ask me, but Vassy brought it up and it’s not like we have anything better to do.

“Might as well tell us, Doc. We might not make it till morning. You don’t seem the type to want adventure, and you sure as shit don’t like people, so why the fuck did you come?” I ask casually as I lean back on the cell wall. My head tilted to see the other cells .

“True. It was over a girl. We were… well we were sort of together. She was three years younger. When you turn eighteen, they make you decide what you want to do. She picked patrol. First year she was fine, I hated watching her go out, not that she would ever know. Then one day she didn’t come back.

After that, I volunteered for every patrol just to try and find her.

But I never did. People said she left, people said she died.

But I have to keep looking… when you came.

You gave me hope, if you could survive for so long when people thought you were dead…

then maybe she could.” He takes a deep breath and I see the tears glistening on his cheeks.

“But then I came here, saw what the world was like, saw what it cost you to survive. She wasn’t like you.

She wasn’t a fighter. She could shoot a gun but not much else.

If a warrior like you struggles to survive, then there isn’t a chance she would have.

” He turns to me then, his eyes heartbroken.

I know the look; I saw it for years in my own eyes.

“It made me hate you, made me resent you. That wasn’t fair, and I am sorry. ”

Well, fuck. I nod my head and offer him a smile.

“We didn’t get off on the best foot. I resented you as well.

I hated that you got to live down there, all safe and protected while I was stuck out here.

I compared my own pain and past to yours without even knowing you.

That wasn’t fair either, I am sorry. Sometimes pain can be found even in paradise.

” He nods, his eyes still glistening, and offers me an understanding smile.

Now, we might never be best friends but we sure as shit aren’t enemies.

If it’s one thing I know, pain has a strange way of bringing people together.

“What about you Vassy, anything you want to get off your chest before we meet the grim reaper?” I joke. Depending on my Berserker stalker to lighten the mood like always.

“If we are sharing it seems only right. I had a wife.” I gasp, I had no clue.

“She was a warrior, much like you, little queen. In fact, you remind me of her so much. She wasn’t beautiful, not in the way you are.

But her strength and courage gave her beauty and I loved her for it.

I fell in love the day she held a knife to my throat and called me a cock-loving bitch.

It took me years to wear her down, and when I did, I felt like the happiest man.

I didn’t know of Ivar’s madness then, ya see.

I was only a lowly patrol, living on the outskirts.

We moved in together, she fell pregnant.

A big no-no in our world. So, we were going to leave, to run and make a life of it, but then I heard my Noah was in trouble.

She told me we were staying, family is family and we take care of our own.

We were going to take him with us. I got into the castle, working with the guards.

Only then did I see what had become of us.

When I got there, it was too late. Noah was dead and his da was heartbroken, screaming of revenge.

Treasonous words of killing our King. So we stayed, to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid.

One day, I got home to find her dead. They had found out about the movement and took what was most precious to me as a reminder of what they were capable of.

She went down fighting, took four bastards with her, but there were too many.

She died with ma unborn babe in her belly and a knife in her hand.

” He takes a deep breath before carrying on.

“Death comes to everyone eventually, all that you can ask for is that you go out on your own terms and in your own way.”

“Shit,” is the only response I can think of, but Vassy doesn’t mind, he smiles at me. Understanding everything I wish I could say to him.

“It is okay, little queen, we will be together again.”

We go quiet after that, each lost in our own thoughts of those we love.

I haven’t let myself think of the guys in days, it’s too painful.

I wonder what they are doing right now. Are they searching for me?

Fuck, of course they are. I bet those crazy bastards have cut a path through the Wastes with bodies trailing behind them.

I just hope they laid Major to rest, it’s the one thing I wish I could have done before I die.

“I have a plan,” I say eventually, breaking through the silence. I hear them both shuffling as they turn to me.

“Yeah?” Doc asks.

“Yeah,” I mimic and smile at his grunt. “Kill Ivar, clear up the clan and put Vassy here on the throne. Then I’ll get my guys, move to the middle of fucking nowhere.

Where no one knows my name, my story... I’ll just live,” I finish, imaging it in my head, finally giving life to the thought I barely let myself think.

“I am no King,” Vassy says eventually. I shake my head and he carries on, “No, little queen, I’m no King. Never will be. I don’t have tha strength nor tha instincts. I will stand by your side, but you must become Queen.”

I snort at that, and wince when it shakes my body. “I’m no fucking Queen, I can barely keep myself alive.”

“Not true. You are a fookin Queen if I ever did see one. Ya are stronger than all tha bastards up there, smarter too. Ya would earn their loyalty, ya would bring the clans back together. I have already seen it start to happen. Nah, little queen, I am no King, but I will be your right-hand man.”

I ignore him, rolling my eyes. I don’t want to be Queen, hell, I don’t want to be a Berserker. I just want to be left alone.

The sound of boots stomping down the stairs and keys jangling has us all jumping to our feet. They haven’t come for us at this time before––something is wrong.

Five guards stop between our cells, torches held in the air as they look at us. The big bastard in the middle is the one to speak. “Time to go, slaves. ”

“Where are you taking us?” I ask, stepping back into the middle of my cell to have room if need be, old habits die hard after all.

“Ivar is throwing a party, to celebrate his pet’s return. You are the guest of honour,” he sneers and the others laugh.

“What about those two?” I ask, jerking my head to Evan and Vasilisy.

“They are insurance,” he grunts out.

I blow out a breath and hold my hands in front of me. Fucking bastard, using them against me.

I let them shackle me without a fight, as does Vasilisy and Evan, all of us not wanting to fuck anything up in case it gets taken out on the rest of us. One wrong move and it would be the end.

We are dragged up the steps and paraded through the castle, music and laughter fill the air as the sound of men cheering reaches us, but something is screaming at me, pulling at me to get the hell out of here. A feeling in the pit of my stomach that tonight is going to be terrible.

The party is in full swing when we are dragged inside and paraded around like fucking cattle.

The place is jammed, every Berserker in the clan must be in here.

Cushions line the floor where Berserkers lounge, both men and women, laughing and drinking as they rip into a massive feast. The only table with chairs is at the head of the throne room, where Ivar and his circle sit.

The fucking prick lounges in his blood-covered throne, with his crown on his head, and watches it all with an evil smile.

He is planning something, that I can tell.

He’s too happy, too focused. It can only mean trouble.