Page 159

Seven

The Journey

L eaning back into Thorn’s arms, I let the fire warm me as my eyes almost close. I stopped drinking a few hours ago and had something to eat on Doc’s request… It was more like an order, but when Dray threatened to cut off his balls, it changed to a request.

Now we are all sitting, talking, eating, and drinking and telling stories of the day, of the fight, and I join in. I laugh when someone recounts how Jon tore the arm off a soldier and beat another with it.

Doc also cleaned my arm and patched me back up after I ripped some of my stitches, and then with a threat to stop hurting myself, he went and found Piper.

I can hear her giggling from here, sitting in her mountain man’s lap.

I smile as I watch her. She deserves happiness, and I am so glad she has found it.

I just hope she is strong enough to keep it, but knowing that girl, if anyone can, it’s her.

She is a force to be reckoned with, just with a strange, rambling mouth.

Drax lies down, resting his head on my thigh.

He’s mirroring Jax, whose head is on my other thigh, my hand brushing through his hair.

I drop my other hand to Drax’s head and brush his hair, too, as Maxen watches me from close by with a loving look in his eye.

Dray is lying between my legs, stroking the cut I made on his chest almost lovingly.

I am so lucky to have them. Today, I nearly died.

I know they are struggling with that, and so am I, if I’m honest. I was never scared to die before them.

Now, dying means leaving them, and we haven’t really lived yet.

Now, we have a chance to, a chance to start a proper life with no Cities hanging over us.

It won’t be easy, there is still a lot to do, but I’m hopeful .

We can handle anything. We have survived torture, death, war, and separation. Everything else will be easy.

As my men speak and my friends join the fray, I close my eyes and just breathe in the warmth and laughter. It makes almost dying and all the pain worth it, this makes it all okay. When the sun rose today, the future looked bleak, but now it’s filled with a bright sky.

The future is what we make it.

With my men and people at my back, we will change this world for the better. We can make it safer for people like us. People who have suffered, who were young and defenceless, who were controlled by evil persons.

We can make it a better nation.

Maxen carries me back to my tent when I am too tired to move. Usually, I would fight that, but I’m feeling weak. Exhaustion is settling in, which Drax points out is probably from blood loss, saying I need to rest and heal.

We leave the fires and laughter behind, letting the others carry on the celebration as we close our tent door.

Jax helps me out my clothes, and Dray supports me as I lower down to the blankets and pillows.

Peering across the space, I spot the blood-soaked bandage at my shoulder and wince.

I can feel the one on my stomach bleeding again as well. Doc is going to kill me.

Maxen leans down and kisses it better. “We came so close to losing you. Never again, Mi Alma .”

I nod, holding back a yawn as he scoots in next to me and wraps his arm across my chest, careful of my stomach. The others scatter around me as I stare at the tent ceiling.

“Baby girl, rest, we will keep watch. Stop obsessing over everything that happened.”

Shit, Thorn always knows.

I close my eyes, a smile curling my lips as I feel them shuffle closer.

“Soulmate, sleep, or I will knock you out myself.”

“Crazy bastard,” I mutter, even as I start to drop into that black void.

I wake with my heart pounding, sweat covering my body, and my mind caught in my nightmares. I dreamed of my men dying in the battle while I was held back, fighting to get to them, but always too late.

I watched them die over and over again, helpless to stop it.

Sands below, more nightmares to add to the mix.

At this rate, I will never sleep. Even feeling their hands and bodies against me can’t fight it off, so I slip from their grasps, wincing at the pain in my stiff body as I grab my shirt, jeans, and boots.

Stepping out of the tent, I dress outside, noticing the world is quiet but filled with the snores of passed out warriors.

It’s early morning, I can feel it, the freshness of a new day, as I manoeuvre around the tents and over the bodies. I sit on the sand, looking down at the battlefield, and just let myself feel.

All the emotions I fought back during and after—the fear, the anger—I let it fill me, knowing repressing it will only lead to more issues. What happened was horrifying, terrifying, and blocking it out won’t help.

I need to function, but I also need to be human and stop trying to be so perfect. I’m a warrior, a champion, but I’m also a living, breathing person who almost died, who lost friends, and now that the war is over, the adrenaline and stubbornness that keep me going is gone.

Nothing is left but regrets and grief.

I wish Major, Von, and Vas were here to see this. They deserve it. They sacrificed so much for me, and now that I have done what needed to be done, I wonder if it was all worth it.

They were all in so much pain, and they had such darkness in them, but that doesn’t mean they wanted death, they were warriors. They were my friends. I can’t forget them or what they did for me, because that’s how they live on.

In our memories, even when it hurts.

“Mind the company?” comes a familiar, tired voice.

I swallow but nod as Piper sits next to me, staring out at the battlefield, for once not making smart remarks or rambling.

She just reaches out and grabs my hand, holding it.

“I’m here. I can’t comprehend the magnitude of what you’re going through, but I’m here for you, whatever you need.

Worth, you are the strongest person I know, you can do this. ”

“What if I can’t? I just keep thinking of everyone who died, all my friends and warriors, I don’t want it to be for nothing,” I admit, needing to let it out.

“Then don’t let it. You know more than anyone what this world needs.

You have seen the darkness it’s capable of, the death and destruction, but also the love, determination, and strength.

The North is scarred, just like you. But you can make it better.

Do that for women like us. For those men and friends who died. ”

I swallow, unsure what to say. She is smart for her age, and for once, I don’t feel the need to be strong. I need a friend, and right now, Piper is one.

“I look up to you, you know? I’ve heard the stories about you, I know what happened, yet here you are, fighting every day.

Fighting for what you believe in. You let nothing stop you.

But weakness is okay too, to heal, to remember.

What you do…no one else can do it. You’re the Champion, Worth.

That is more than just a word. It means something.

Everything you do means something, because you show us what it truly means to be alive, to be a warrior.

You are allowed to make mistakes, to regret and grieve, but don’t let it stop you now, or it’s all for nothing.

And we will be right here behind you the whole way, Queen.

Archel told me once he saw your first fight, he saw this little slave girl who didn’t stay down.

After every hit, she got back up, stronger than before…

Do that now, get back up stronger than before.

Be the fighter we all know you are, and when you need to be weak? Be it. A great leader needs both.”

I turn, meeting those brown eyes. “You’re a leader now too, Pascha,” I tease, and she smiles.

“Don’t tell anyone, I’m winging it,” she jokes.

“Me too, me fucking too.”

We both look back out to the sand, and together, our two broken souls heal a little bit more. That’s what love does, and love comes in more shapes than soulmates and lovers, but in friends and family, in those who stay, even when it’s hard.

“Piper?” I murmur.

“Yeah?” she asks, leaning her head onto my shoulder as the sun starts to rise.

“Is your hand on my ass?” I laugh.

She giggles. “Woops, I had to know. Gotta admit, cocks do it for me, sorry.”

Laughing, I lean my head onto hers and watch the sunrise—a new day, a new dawn, filled with possibilities. Piper is right, it’s time to get back up.

Stronger than before.

My fight isn’t over, not yet. I will remember the fallen and do better in the future, knowing they laid down their lives for that. I will always miss them, but I can’t live with one foot in the past when the future is filled with so much potential.

Sometimes, you have to let go, and now, I do. Letting that float into the sun, I stop blaming myself for what happened, and as it crests over the horizon, I feel the others wake up, and I smile.

The journey is never easy, but sometimes, you find yourself in a moment that lets you know it’s all worth it, and with the brilliance of the sun shining down on me and the endless possibilities of our future laid out on the sand…I know.

This is worth everything.