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He grabs a bottle and some glasses and passes them around.

I pour a shot and throw it back before pouring a bigger amount and handing the bottle around.

“We don’t stop them now, they will keep coming.

They want the North, and they want Paradise and whatever hides there.

We have to stop them. They will kill us all to get it.

Apart we are weak, together we are stronger.

I have a plan, but you all play a part. I need to know if you will?

” I inquire, sipping at the amber drink, watching them.

“Sounds like we are going to war. The deaths shall be magnificent, and the angels and demons will walk among us,” Priest muses.

“Well fuck,” Reeves groans, and throws back his shot.

“I’ll get me shotgun,” Nan calls, stealing the bottle from Reeves and sipping from it. “Tell us the plan then, girlie.”

Nodding, I throw back the rest of my drink, and start to outline what is going to happen and what I need from them.

No one interrupts me, and when I am done, Nan throws back half the bottle and looks at me with respect on her face.

“Ya got some big ole balls, girlie. Let’s hope ya make it through this. ”

“I’ll drink to that.” I grin. Now that I am implementing the plan, a cool calmness is filling me. Either it works or it doesn’t, and my worry won’t change it, so why bother?

“We are with you,” Reeves states, nodding.

“As are we, so bright is the cry of war,” Priest agrees.

“What tha loons said,” Nan declares and laughs. “Take ya a few days to get to The Rim, we will stop at the old man’s on the way so he can grab his men, then stop at The Rim. I have some things that might help ya, girlie. To us, let’s fuck some shit up!” she toasts, holding up the bottle.

After ironing out a few more details, the others file out, all intent on drinking and enjoying their last night here.

I stay behind, and once the door slams shut, my eyes automatically go to the other corner of the room.

Gripping the edge of the table hard, I fight back the memories—the feel of Major’s warm blood pumping into my hands, watching the light die from his eyes.

There is still a bloodstain on the carpet, but it feels right, it shouldn’t be clean after.

It should be painted on every floor and wall in this place, his memory, his death.

This was his world, his house, and now he’s gone.

I miss him.

“I’m sorry,” he gasps, blood bubbling on his lips as his breathing turns erratic and his face pales.

Slumping back into my chair, I try to drag my eyes away from the bloodstain, but I can’t as more and more memories swim through my mind and pain fractures my heart, aching for the man I loved. For the man who taught me to save myself.

“Again, or do you want to die in that pit?” he yells, watching me from the side.

Shouting, I get back to my feet, shaking and stumbling from all the pain and tiredness ricocheting through my body.

“You can do it, pain is temporary. Fucking fight!”

Wheezing, I choke on a sob, my mind crushing under the weight.

Gritting my teeth, I stare at his upturned face as he stiches the gash on my stomach closed. When he is done, he looks up at me with a soft smile curling his lips, his suit jacket tossed behind him and covered in blood from where he picked me up and carried me in here.

“There, all done, good as new,” he says.

“I’m not, I’m so fucking broken,” I whisper, looking down at the floor.

He presses my chin up. “Never lower your head for anyone, kid, you are worth double of everybody in this world. You aren’t broken, you’re a survivor, a warrior, and that is what this world needs. They just don’t know it yet.”

My chest is cut to ribbons from my breaking heart, and my body is weak and shaking with pain.

“Soulmate,” Dray growls, and my eyes drag away to see him by my side, crouching next to my chair and looking up at me. I didn’t even hear him move, I feel like I am trapped in the past with my body still in the present.

“Make it stop, make the pain stop,” I beg, looking at Dray with pain and tears swimming in my eyes.

He grabs my face, filling my vision, not allowing me to look anywhere but into his artic cold eyes. “Look at me, just me,” he demands, his voice harsh and jolting. The memories stop, calming in my head as if they wouldn’t dare defy him. “You’re here, only here.”

Though I can hear his voice, I’m still stuck between as the pain tears me apart.

A gasp leaves my mouth as I pulled back to the present.

Pain, real pain, stems from a cut he just made on my arm.

I blink down at it as blood wells, his knife waiting there like he wasn’t sure if he would have to do it again.

My eyes rise slowly, locking back on his.

My whole world becomes him and the sanctuary he offers.

“Feel that pain, let it wash the other away,” he orders, pressing his thumb on the cut. Everything else fades, my focus solely on his hand against my skin. “Are you with me, soulmate?”

I nod, but his eyes narrow. “Words,” he snaps.

“I’m here.” My voice is weak and cracked, but there.

“Name, what’s my name?” he demands.

“Dray,” I say, stronger this time.

Blinking, I calm my breathing, and my heart slows as well as I stare into his eyes. He nods, lets go of the cut, and leans down and kisses it gently before looking up at me. “You’re okay, you just got lost for a moment, but you’re back now.”

Swallowing, I blink back tears. “You brought me back.”

“Always, when you can’t bring yourself back, I always will,” he promises softly, wiping the blood on my arm away. The cut is tiny in comparison to the others on my arm, but it did the trick.

Leaning forward, I frame his face and flicker my eyes to each of his eyes. “I’m so fucking lucky. I love you, you crazy bastard.”

Before he can reply and melt my heart even further, I seal my lips to his, showing him how much it means to me that he is here right now, facing down my demons with me and keeping me from that edge.

He deepens the kiss, but keeps it slow and sweet, neither of us in a hurry to break away.

I have other demons to face, so for now I lose myself in the taste of him.

Pulling back, I rest my forehead on his.

“I couldn’t save him,” I confess.

“I know. If you could, he would have been here,” he whispers, looking into my eyes. “But he loved you, sacrificing his life for you is the best way he could have gone.”

“How do you know he loved me?” I whisper.

He smirks then. “We recognised one another. That, and he pointed a gun at me when you weren’t looking and told me if I ever hurt you, he would string me from his gates in warning.”

A sob mixed with a laugh bursts from me. “He didn’t!”

“Oh, he did. That’s what made me like him, he was willing to risk the wrath of a king to protect you,” he replies seriously, and I close my eyes.

“I loved him, I didn’t tell him enough or hardly ever. I spent so long being mad at him, avoiding him, and all that time he was protecting me.” I shake my head, keeping my eyes closed to try and stop the tears from falling, but it’s no use, one falls anyway.

Dray kisses it away, pressing his lips to my cheek. “He knew, but I think you won’t settle until you read that letter. So come on, soulmate, put your brave face on for two more minutes.”

Nodding again, I keep my eyes closed as I rebuild myself.

It takes longer than usual, but when I pull back and give him a small smile, I feel more like myself again and ready to face everyone outside.

Dray is right, I need to read that letter, it’s like a cloud hovering over me and I can’t properly grieve with it still waiting for me.

I know whatever I find between those pages will break me, but sometimes you have to break to rebuild stronger than before.