Page 53

Facing Demons

A fter my embarrassing mental breakdown, I try to distance myself from my father so he won’t think I am weak.

I wipe my face and slip into a bathroom to throw water on it.

When it doesn’t look like I just spent half an hour sobbing, I head straight into the cell of the Berserker.

Straightening my spine, I walk into the room like I own it, unwilling to show any weakness to the man who is responsible for my darkened, damaged soul.

He is leaning against the far wall, taking up half the space, his stature is so big.

The loose cotton pants, that they must have given him, make him look bigger.

His scars and tattoos are on full display and he is shirtless.

He is absolutely still, like a predator before it attacks.

Only his eye moves as he follows my entrance, until I stop in the middle of the room, my hands by my side in case he tries to attack me.

He moves, bursting out of stillness and making me flinch.

He throws his head back and lets out his maniacal chuckle.

I grit my teeth and berate myself for flinching, I remind myself of my strength and how he can’t hurt me now.

His laughter stops as suddenly as it started, his one brown eye focusing on me once more.

“Pretty pet, how I missed you.” His words are a growl, it sends a shiver down my spine as more memories try to resurface. “You always were so quiet, even when I was fucking you.”

Everything in me goes still, I can hear him still talking, but it’s a blur as a deadly rage unfurls inside me.

Pushing me, driving me, until the next thing I know, I have him at my feet on the floor.

I blink, not even knowing how we got here.

Stumbling back a step, I watch as he spits out blood onto the pristine white floor.

“I like that fire, little pet, but it would be even better to break it.” He laughs, his head raising as he watches me, a grin on his face, blood coating his teeth and lips.

I crouch down while grabbing my knife and stab the hand closest to me as he crouches on all fours. I make sure to twist while blood and air hiss from his teeth before he starts laughing again.

“I’m not going to kill you, no matter how much I want to.

Instead, I am going to let you die painfully and slowly.

You’ll be trapped here in your insanity, your mind still here even as your body is suffering from the infection you will get in this wound.

It will spread through your blood and your body to your mind.

You’ll die, cold, alone and afraid as the infection moves through your blood, destroying everything in its path.

It’s ironic really.” I pull the knife out and stand as he falls back to the wall, his hand clutched to his chest. Like this, it’s hard to believe he caused so much pain and suffering in my life.

He sits laughing to himself as his blood drops to the floor.

He looks weak and broken as his eye sparkles with a knowing look, one that tells me he believes what I said.

He understands I won’t let them help him.

He will die alone in here and his eye fills with resignation, then determination.

With a disgusted sneer on my lips, I turn to leave when his voice stops me cold.

“You’ve become exactly what you hated. A monster.” His voice is breathless with pain, but strong and filled with amusement.

I don't dignify him with an answer, I just step out into the hallway. Jax steps from the viewing room, his eyes cold and his face expressionless. I don’t stop walking until I am in his arms. He doesn’t ask me if I’m okay and I love him for that.

He just holds me and lets me fight through everything until I push it all back.

Maybe it makes me weak to depend on him, but I wouldn’t change that, not now.

We have a war ahead of us, this could be the last time I’m allowed to be weak.

“I need to see the other Berserker. We need answers,” I whisper into his chest, loosening the tense grip I have on his shirt.

“Later. Drax needs you and you need him.” His chest rumbles as he speaks and part of me is glad to have an excuse to get away for a bit, even though I know I will come back later.

It’s a testament to how fragile I am feeling after seeing Dreven that I let Jax lead me away. He wraps his arm around my waist and leads me so I can lose myself in my head for a bit. When we get to Drax’s room, he hesitates outside.

“I’m going to give you two some privacy, okay?” I go to protest when he drops a soft kiss on my lips. “You need it, he needs it. I will be back later.” He kisses me again before leaving.

Blowing out a breath, I slip into the room. Drax is sitting up in bed, his eyes closed. I stop, not wanting to disturb him .

“You better be here to give me a sponge bath, babe,” he teases, his voice weaker than normal.

I laugh and make my way to sit next to him on the edge of the bed. He opens one eye and smiles softly at me.

“C’mere babe.” He shuffles to the side and I slip in next to him, laying my head on his shoulder. His chest is bare, and I find myself running my fingers up and down it as I try to push the image of him unconscious out of my mind.

“Maxen told me everything that happened…” He kisses the top of my head. “Thank you for protecting me.” I shrug and carry on touching him.

“Taz, what’s wrong?” he asks, his hand cupping mine. He twines our fingers together and I close my eyes for a moment before pushing out the words.

“I thought I had lost you, Drax. I thought I had lost the chance to tell you I love you.” I hold my breath once the words are out there, freezing like a cannibal in headlights. Sands below, why is it easier to kill someone than to admit how you feel?

“You- you love me?” he sputters, “Don’t joke, Taz.” His insecurity gives me all the strength I need to get through this.

“I’m not. I love you with all my heart. I love you, and I nearly lost you.” I whisper the last part my voice wavering with emotion. His arm clenches around me and he squeezes my hand. He kisses my head as his free hand rubs gently up and down my back.

“I love you too, and not even death itself could keep me from you,” he promises, like saying it out loud will make it true, even though we both know either of us could die at any given moment. We have too many enemies, and not enough time.

His hand starts to turn from soft to exploring, until I am biting my lip as he moves over the curve of my ass.

“Drax, you’re hurt,” I warn, trying to contain the inferno of need smouldering inside of me; a need that desperately wants to feel him alive and in my arms.

“Guess you will have to do all the work.” He lifts my chin up and drops a kiss on my forehead, before kissing down my cheek to my lips.

“I need you, please.” The vulnerability in his voice is my undoing.

I kiss him back, using my lips to show him everything I want to say but can’t.

How scared I was, how much I missed him, the terror when I woke up.

It flows out of me as our tongues tangle lazily.

I pull back, ready to tell him no, that he’s too hurt, but he grabs my hips and pulls me onto his lap as he leans back, looking smug.

I catch myself on his chest with a glare.

“Drax–” I start, but he thrusts up, rubbing himself on me and I swallow my protests. Biting my lip, I watch as he lazily thrusts, twisting beneath me until I’m panting and trying to remember why I said no in the first place.

“I don’t want any more regrets, babe. I could have died happy knowing you loved me, and now we are going back out there to face a crazed clan leader… I will fight by your side, but first, I need you,” he declares, his hips moving beneath me.

I start to rock on him and his hands leave my hips to let me move.

They drift higher, pulling my shirt up as they go until he pulls it over my head.

It’s not hurried or frenzied, and although my lust is nearly out of control, I like this softness, this caring — this promise.

We quickly get undressed, helping each other, kissing in between until I am straddling him again.

Him buried deep inside me until I don’t know where I finish and he starts.

With my hands placed on his thighs behind me, and my head tilted back loving the full sensation, I start to ride him.

We work together, the pace leisurely and tender as he doesn’t fuck me, but loves me.

His cock drags along my sensitive nerve endings with every thrust, making me moan, and when he hits deep inside of me, I start to shake.

He grips my hips again and speeds up the pace.

“Look at me,” he pleads.

I lift my head and move my hands to his shoulders, using them to pull myself up and down. He leans up and I meet him halfway for a brutal, soul changing kiss. I’ve never made love before, but this soft joining is how I imagined it. I like to fuck, but sometimes you need love.

When he reaches down and flicks my clit, I am gone, my pussy clenching around him, trying to milk him.

His thrusts turn brutal. “I love you,” he grits out before hammering home.

He stills and comes with a groan, holding me hard over him, his balls pressed against me.

Panting, we stare at each other. He has a soft satisfied smile on his face, which I will remember forever.

I collapse on his chest and let my breath even out as I come back down to Earth.

“We are leaving tomorrow,” I declare, suddenly sure it’s the right course of action.

“Okay, babe, you know we will follow you anywhere.” He wraps his arms around me and holds me to him “What about your father?”

“I don’t know. I’m still so angry at him, hurt that he could leave me out there and move on with his life.

But like you said, I don’t want any regrets.

People don’t always get a second chance with their loved ones, and I have that chance.

Surely I can’t just walk away, even if he could.

” Getting the words out there is helping, and it always seems to be Drax I talk to about my past or fears.

“You do whatever you feel is right. Blood doesn’t always mean family, babe, trust me, we know, but don’t rush into anything because you are angry. It’s a big decision, but you know we will support you, whatever you choose.” I sigh and snuggle closer.

“I know, I don’t know how I lived before I met you all,” I mutter.

“You survived, not lived, same as us. We are learning together, it’s just not an easy ride. Doesn’t mean it won’t work, it just takes time.”

“I’m broken, Drax,” I whisper, my words echoing the ones I said to my father earlier. I know I have shared some of my past with them, and they have seen my strength, but I don’t think even I knew the extent of the hatred and memories clamouring inside of me.

“No, you’re not. I have seen broken. You’re raw.

You’ve had a bad life, one that has shaped you, even if you don’t always realise it.

You’re not beyond repair or lost. Just don’t let the past break you now.

It’s the past for a reason and you survived it then, and you will survive it now.

I see the ghosts in your eyes, we all do, and that look only someone who has seen true evil gets.

But, baby? Your strength is endless. You fight those ghosts and we will be there to put you back together again after. ”

We sit in silence, me mulling over his declaration and planning for the future.

It’s like down here there is a little bubble, suspending reality, allowing me time to breathe and break down, but I know once I’m outside again I will have to rebuild myself and concentrate on saving the Wastes, so for now, I sit in silence and enjoy the peace. It’s how Jax finds us an hour later.