Page 42

Jax POV

Set During The Wasteland - In The Abandoned House

S taring at the ceiling of the run down house, I tilt my head to see my brother fast asleep.

It explains why I am awake, old habits are hard to get rid of after all.

Searching his face for any sign of nightmares, I relax when he seems peaceful.

A noise behind him has me sitting up with a blade in hand, ready to protect him and the others to the death if need be.

I relax when I spot Worth in the doorway, looking out into the night.

The moon only allows me to see half of her face but she seems sad - lost, just like we are.

Slipping from my sleeping bag I creep closer, still drawn to her like I was at that shanty town.

There is just something about this woman, she is hard yet broken.

Soft yet strong, and she carries the same demons I do - I can spot them from here.

I watch her tilt her head when she hears me but she doesn’t look away from outside, taking her watch seriously, and that sends my heart racing.

Even as strangers she would protect us, because that is who she is.

Sliding into the cramped doorway next to her, I let myself feel the heat of her body, like a moth to a flame.

I wonder if she thinks I am my brother, it wouldn’t be the first time.

He does draw all the women and if she realises it’s me she might turn away.

I open my mouth to try and start a conversation so that doesn't happen, but nothing comes out. Swallowing my own self-hate, I force words past my lips, keeping my voice quiet so I don’t wake anyone else.

Wanting her attention on me, even just for a moment.

It’s the only way a warrior like her would notice me.

“You should laugh more, I like the sound of it,” I whisper, my voice rough from not using it and I cringe - that was the best I could think of? She turns to me a little, her thigh pressing into mine and I hold my breath.

Just when I think she won’t reply, those lips I can’t seem to stop staring at open. “You should talk more, I like it.” I stare at her, unable to comprehend. She likes it when I talk?

“I don’t have a lot to say, so I leave it to my brother,” I admit, wanting to have her attention on me for as long as possible.

“I can be that way sometimes,” she replies and I hear the honesty in her voice.

“I know,” I answer, watching her. My eyes run down the scars on her arm and shoulder, the tattoos trying to conceal them.

She has been hurt and many times. It makes a fury burn in my stomach.

How dare they touch such a beautiful creature?

It is obvious it did not break her, she is a survivor like us.

“Couldn’t sleep?” she asks, breaking through my thoughts and making me push back the darkness that always lingers in me. Her face drops again, sadness in her eyes before she shakes her head and looks at me. Those eyes meet mine like a physical blow.

“No,” I admit, not wanting her to question why.

I can’t tell her how fucked up I am. That whenever I close my eyes I see his face, I see blood covering my brother, I hear my skin splitting as I stand over him trying to protect him.

I remember the feeling of such hunger that it felt like I might die even as I watched Drax eat what I gave him, but I would do it all again, for him I would take all the blows and all the pain.

One awake, one asleep. Brothers until the end.

I find myself gazing at him, wondering if his nightmares have caught up with him yet.

It won’t be long. Maybe, maybe I can tell her something though, something to keep her talking to me.

“We always had this rule: one awake, one asleep. It’s how we survived, I guess I’m just used to it. ”

She nods in understanding, but doesn’t ask what I clearly don’t want to say.

It makes the pounding in my chest increase until I am almost sure she can hear it, my palms are sweating and I find myself moving closer to her.

What would it feel like for her to kiss me?

Would those hands, which handle her sword so deftly, be that sure and strong on my cock?

Breathing deep, I try to push the thoughts away even as my cock hardens in my pants.

“Why do you live out here?” I ask desperately, trying to distract myself.

“It’s easy to lose yourself out here. No one cares, I can just be me.

Plus, I’m too rough to live anywhere else, I have too much darkness.

Out here, I can use that to help people.

” Her words echo my own thoughts, maybe we aren’t so different, maybe she is more like me than my brother.

The thought makes me smile, the feeling foreign on my face.

“I can understand that. Drax fit right in the cities, but me? I had too many demons, ones I tried to protect him from,” I say softly.

I open my mouth again when a whimper cuts through the air, the noise as familiar to me as my own breathing.

I turn automatically, my face hardening as I watch my brother fight in his sleep.

He cries out again and my heart stutters, hate pouring in.

How could I not protect him? I should have protected him!

If I had been stronger, faster, harder, he wouldn't have these demons. I lash myself internally. Of course she would never like someone like me, I couldn't even protect my own brother. I feel her gaze and I look at her, my demons dancing in my eyes, unable to push them back this time. I need her to understand. “I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t protect him from everything.” My voice is filled with pain, and her eyes fill with understanding and something softer.

Her hand reaches towards me and I freeze, I even stop breathing as she cups my cheek.

Her warmth and heat are my undoing. I can't help but lean into her hand, the skin rough from her weapons but it just makes it all that much better.

Maybe, just maybe, I might not need to protect her. Maybe she can help protect Drax?

“You can’t protect him from everything, Jax. I’m betting he doesn’t blame you and the fact that you still sit here, protecting him, says a lot more about you,” she says, her voice strong and sure, demanding I pay attention when I all want to do is hide away in my mind.

I watch her like my salvation as she curses and leans forward, putting her forehead to mine and creating a bubble so it is just us.

“I’m betting we all have nightmares. The question is, do you let them control you, own you?

Or do you let them build you up, stronger than before?

Drax lets it build him, he might struggle, and yes, I’ve seen the flashes in his eyes, but he’s okay.

You need to let this guilt go before it eats you up. Trust me, I know.”

Every word is like a blow as she rips at the core of my fears and guilt, dragging it open and demanding I face it and forgive myself… but I don’t know how. A tear escapes my eyes but I don’t wipe it away, I know she won’t judge me. I trust her with it.

“How-” I croak. “How do you forgive yourself for not protecting someone you love?”

She laughs, but it is bitter sounding and filled with the same self-loathing I know.

I close my eyes and concentrate on her words and the feeling of her body against mine.

“When you know, you tell me. For now, all I can offer you is your safety. Tonight, here in this house, I’m not the monster everyone knows me as, and you’re not Jax the protector.

We are just a man and a woman.” I open my eyes slowly, watching her.

She inhales sharply and moves away, putting distance between us.

I want to grab her and pull her back but I don't. Drax whimpers again, bringing me back to the now and I curse my selfishness.

She stands up as I watch, her body rubbing against mine, making my cock jerk.

I can't help it, I reach out and grab her hand, needing that contact again in case this is the last time she ever touches me. She is going to him, I see it in her face. She intends to fight his demons like she tried to fight mine… that’s good.

He deserves her even if I don't. She glances down at me and I smile again, trying to thank her but she doesn't seem to get it, so I push out the words.

“Thank you.”

She nods and walks away, but not before I catch her cheeks heating.

I watch her the whole way, entranced by her as Drax whimpers.

She leans down and kisses his forehead, murmuring words even I can’t hear as she touches his face.

She calms him almost instantaneously and my body uncoils from its tight position.

She drops her hand but Drax reaches out with a cry, and I swallow hard hoping she won't deny him.

That she wont hurt him like so many others have.

She grips his hand and he stills, I stare at them.

They look good together, two lost souls finding each other in a storm.

I feel her gaze again so I look back to her.

“I’ll keep watch if you protect him from his dreams,” I say and turn quickly, not wanting her to see my longing that it was me in her arms and not him. Selfish, I am selfish.

I watch out the door as I hear her get comfy, but I can't help looking back.

She is wrapped around him, her eyes closed as the moonlight hits her beautiful face.

One worth starting wars over. It makes her survival that much more impressive.

Her eyes open and lock on mine, and they soften at whatever she sees.

Turning around with a wobbly breath, I watch the night, intent on protecting her.

I can give her that at least, I will protect her with my dying breath, even if she never looks at me the way she looks at my brother.