Page 11

My Weakness

I wake up before anyone else to see Jax still on watch, and the sun starting to rise.

The rays hit his face, making him look like a fallen angel.

My heart clenches and I quickly look away.

Scolding myself for falling asleep, I lift my head.

I frown when I notice my leg is thrown over Drax, and even in his sleep, he’s a cocky bastard with his hand cupping my arse.

I shake my head with a small smile and shuffle away slowly so as not to wake him.

He curls into the spot where I just was as I step over him and make my way to his brother.

“Why didn’t you wake anyone to trade watch?” My voice is just above a whisper. He shrugs not looking at me.

“I wasn’t tired. If you’re awake though, I’m going to hit the head.”

I nod as he stands and stretches, his top lifting to show me his lean muscle.

I drink in his clean lines and the V that points downwards.

His finger tilts my chin up and he winks at me.

Well, looks like Jax has learnt something from his brother.

It’s like someone else is in my body; all those hard-earned walls seem to have disappeared, leaving me frantically trying to deal with all these emotions bombarding me.

“Sitting watch all night was worth it to see you look at me like that.” He wanders outside before I can reply.

Cheeky bastard. I find myself smiling though, liking this playful side of him.

Arms wrap around me from behind and a head lands in my hair.

I jump but manage to hold in my shout. Motherfucker, I’m going to kick his ass for that.

Why are they so touchy-feely? Part of me likes it, I mean somewhere deep down.

My head starts to ache at trying to sort through all the emotions and questions.

“I don’t know what you did, baby, but I’ve not heard my brother talk so much in years.”

Baby? Fucking hell, I'm going to stab him. I try to convince my traitorous heart that it’s not a good thing. I watch the sun rise as I debate his words, steering clear of the warmth in his arms around me are creating. I'm frozen, and ramrod straight. It must be like hugging a brick wall.

“I know he doesn’t talk much, but I figured that was because of me.” Drax’s arms tighten and he kisses the top of my head. My heart races and I tell myself I'll kick his ass later.

“Nope. We had a shitty childhood. When you are punished enough for talking, you soon stop. I went the other way, but he retreated into himself. He barely even talks to us and we are his brothers.” I feel him take a deep breath, his chest moving against my back.

“I saw the way he watched you, I was worried that you would think he’s stupid.

” I turn in shock and his arms loosen enough to let me.

He tilts his head down and watches me with a seriousness more like his brother.

“Jax isn’t stupid. Hell, he’s probably smarter than me and you put together.”

He smiles at me, one not full of mocking or teasing.

Just a happy smile. The twins are doing some serious damage to my breathing this morning.

I don't remember a time I was ever affected like this by someone.

My body is so highly-strung right now, unsure how to cope with everything that's going on. Especially being touched, being held. It’s been so long.

I feel like that scared little girl again, everything raw and stripped bare.

“I know that, the others know that. But outside of our group people tend to think he’s an idiot because he doesn’t speak. I was worried you would be the same. That would hurt him more than you realise. I don’t know how you’ve done it, baby, but you’ve gotten under his armour.”

“Wha- I didn’t, I mean-”

Drax laughs quietly at my blathering. Seriously, what has happened to me? Has a heart to heart and a night in a man’s arms really turned me into this wreck? I fucking hate it.

“You have. I’ve never seen him smile so much or open up to someone.

He even hides from me. He thinks he’s protecting me.

He always did, you see; protect me. He tried to take every beating, every punishment, even when it was my fault.

He blames himself for any that I had to suffer like it was his duty to take all the pain.

So, for him to show any type of happiness?

” He shakes his head. “It’s a fucking miracle.

I don’t know your past, I don’t know if you will turn around and leave us, but somehow you’ve managed to wrap us around your little finger without even meaning to.

” He takes a deep breath, his confidence retracting a bit as he looks shy.

“Thank you for not leaving me last night.” Stepping back, he throws me a look filled with need and tenderness before turning around and moving over to his bag.

A noise behind me has me spinning, my blade flashing in the sunlight.

Jax stands close to my back, his eyebrow raised at my knife.

Fuck, I didn’t even hear him come back. What are these guys doing to me?

I honestly don't know, but I feel like I have whiplash.

Grumbling, I retreat to the corner of the room.

Packing my bag, I keep my eyes downcast as I try to rebuild the wall between me and them.

I can feel them throwing me looks, but I don't know what will happen if I look up with all these emotions coursing through me.

So, instead, I keep to myself, and for once, they let me.

My bike rumbles beneath me as we ride through the empty Wastes.

We spent the morning looking through the scavs’ belongings and packing up.

I managed to regain some of my composure and push my emotions back a bit.

Unlike normal, they rest just below the surface as if now that they have been called forward, they refuse to go back to hiding this time.

Just after mid-day, we set out for The Ring.

Maxen rides next to me, the others spread out behind us.

We pass the ruins of buildings, some destroyed by the floods, some in the scorch, and some in the fires after.

The scenery shoots by, but I stay on alert, letting the concentration of watching for other clans wash away the need to dissect everything that has happened since last night.

A shout has me snapping my head to the broken earth to the left.

Squinting, I try to make out the blobs in the distance, blurring together.

When a scream comes, I swear and slow down, pulling over to the side of the road.

Parking under a dead tree, I sit and watch, telling myself to keep going.

I know better than to interrupt. I know better than to stop.

But I can’t keep driving. Leaving someone when they clearly need help, leaving them to a fate worse than death would break that last part of me that clings to the light.

The part that uses the darkness to fight for people who can’t.

Swearing, I hop off and grab my swords off my bike.

Putting on the sheathe, I turn to the guys, who are already off their bikes watching me.

“Stay behind me,” I warn. Turning before I can change my mind, I jog towards the silhouettes.

The screams get louder the closer we get, as do the sobs and grunts.

Shit. Speeding up, the people finally come into view.

A woman is on the ground, a man holding down her arms as one tries to pry her legs open.

Another stands over them laughing, with a fourth man on the ground, not moving.

Anger burns through me. Fucking pigs. Pulling out a sword, I sprint towards them.

Maxen sprints past me, Thorn right after him, both with swords in their hands and fury on their faces.

An arrow whizzes past my face, nearly touching me before it hits the man at the woman’s feet.

He cries out as he falls away from her, batting the arrow out of his shoulder.

Using his distraction, I leap towards him.

My sword cleaves into his unprotected neck.

He freezes and gurgles as I pull it back out and chop again.

Blood squirts out and pumps steadily as I hack at his neck.

Panting, I pull the sword back. He falls to the floor, his face frozen in a look of shock as his blood drains from him.

My blood lust chases everything else back, leaving nothing but anger and the need to hurt someone.

I can imagine that my eyes are wild as my hair streams behind me in the wind, my sword raised to hurt someone.

Anyone. Maxen is pulling his sword from the man at the woman’s head as Thorn swings at the other man.

He dodges him and dances away. The woman is still screaming, the sound echoing around and raising horrors from my past. Breathing heavy, I let my sword drop towards the floor slightly, loose in my hand.

I watch Thorn dance with the man, playing with him before finally sneaking forward and burying his sword in his chest. When he turns, he's not even out of breath.

He grins at me, his mouth opening as a scream comes from the woman again.

Swallowing, I turn to her. Crouching at her feet, I try to push back my blood lust. Her eyes flicker between us all, obviously wondering what we are going to do to her.

Taking a breath, I blow it out before trying to make myself as unassuming as possible.

I hear footsteps behind me and watch as her face turns white before she lets out a moan and tries to scramble backwards on all fours.

“Please, please stop!” She cries, her nose red with her sobbing as it shakes her whole body. Maxen steps as far away as he can, and I hear the rest doing the same behind me.