Page 33

Heartache and Mistakes

D ay two of our journey is uneventful; we ride hard, not even stopping to eat or rest. We ride through a ghost town, the buildings still standing but empty.

The glass on the shop windows broken, with their goods laying scattered on the floor.

A child's bike lays in the middle of the road, and further down a stuffed teddy.

On the way out, four bodies hang along a pole as a reminder of the world we are in.

Clearly a family, caught by some rogue scav.

A small boy who can’t be any older than ten hangs at the end.

I don’t know why, but I can't seem to look away from him.

His striped t-shirt has a rip and holes in it, showing his malnourished chest. His little legs are encased in dirty tattered black shorts.

One foot has on a trainer while the other is bare, the trainer lost to the street below.

His baby blue eyes are open and staring lifelessly at me, his terror and pain seemingly etched forever in their depths.

Next to him hangs a young girl. Her dress is ripped down the middle, showing the whole world her not fully developed breasts.

The animals even took her knickers. Logically, I know she is dead, but it makes me feel sick knowing that she has been left like this.

Her mother is in almost the same state next to her, only she has clearly been tortured.

Where one of her nipples used to be, only blood and a hole remain with a clear teeth imprint.

Blood covers all of her rounded stomach and her bare feet show some of her toes missing.

The father is naked, his balls and cock obviously cut off. His chest is a mess of cuts and stab marks and his face is drenched in blood.

I pull my bike to the side, away from where I had stopped just before them. I can’t leave them like this. I jump from my bike, and without saying anything, look around for a way to get them down, my mind screaming the entire time.

“Baby girl?” Thorn asks. I move away when he tries to touch me, and I see his face fall. His hurt spears through me, and I quickly grab his hand and hold it to my cheek. Letting his warmth comfort me, I close my eyes.

“I can’t leave them like this. They deserve to be able to rest in dignity.”

“Okay,” he says, he kisses me softly and keeps a hold of my hand.

“Let’s get them down,” he orders. The others nod grimly, and I watch from the safety next to Thorn as Drax climbs the pole and carefully cuts down one after the other. Each time a body falls to the floor, it feels like a knife twisting in my gut.

When the dad’s body lands on the floor with a squelch, the skin over his head flaps open. They tried to skin him! Anger runs through me. Unable to stand here, I move over to the girl. I try not to look into her eyes as I cover her up. I do the same to the mom and turn back to my guys.

“We can dig a grave around the back of that shop. Let's give them some peace.”

They nod and follow me, each one of their faces filled with the anger and sadness I feel at this senseless torture and murder.

We all help to dig the graves and bury them. When the last bit of soil covers the bodies, something in me loosens. Thorn fashions a cross for each out of some wood and I kiss his cheek in thanks. We stand at the edge of their graves, our heads bowed. Each sending our own words with the bodies.

With one last look at the dirt, we turn back to our bikes, walking in silence.

We mount our bikes and set off again, this time more subdued, the reminder working to keep us on our toes.

By the time the sun sets, I calculate we should arrive at The Worshippers settlement by tomorrow afternoon.

We camp out under an old bridge and build a fire to cook some meat we brought with us, courtesy of Major.

“So, what's the plan for when we get there?” Drax asks around a mouthful. Leaning back on my arms, I stretch my legs out, the muscles aching from riding all day.

“Honestly, I don’t know. I'm going to wing it.” He chokes on his next mouthful and Jax thumps his back grimly.

“Wing it?” Drax chokes out before grabbing his water and downing it. I nod, amused.

“Yup, I'm going to approach the gate and hope they don’t kill me on sight. They shouldn’t; I'm a woman and they often collect them for their leader to serve as his concubines. ”

“That’s the plan?” Thorn asks incredulously.

“I know—“ I scrub my head. “If I had more time I would have sent word to some men I trust within his cult, but I didn’t.”

“Hey—” Maxen scoops my legs up and massages the tired muscles. “We follow you, we get through this together and then head back.” Nodding, I lean my head back against Thorn’s shoulder next to me.

“I think you should wait somewhere they won't see you until I secure our passage,” I say around a blissful moan at Maxen’s talented fingers. I'm almost too engrossed to notice the look they share over my head.

“Sure thing, babe,” Drax winks and carries on eating.

When we finish, we put out the fire and station two people on watch again.

I volunteer first, noticing the tiredness in their eyes, plus I've never been around people for this long before. It’s tiring, and I could do with some space to sort through my chaotic thoughts.

Maxen takes one end of the bridge and I take the other as the twins and Thorn sleep.

Looking out into the darkness, I think back on the past week. I’ve changed so much, I can feel it already. I'm not as harsh, and my emotions pulse once again in my body. I have something to fight for again and not even the darkness and horror of my memories can take that away.

Major was right. I had been burying my head in the sand hoping it would all go away. These men changed that. They brought the colour back into my world and yanked me out, kicking and screaming. They don’t pretend everything is good, but they stand beside me when it gets bad.

Analysing my feelings, I think I might love them a bit.

It’s new and tentative but it's already so much stronger than with Noah.

What we had was desperate, seeking something to hold onto to keep us afloat in a world of pain and torture.

The thing between me and the guys now, no matter how strange, pulses with happiness and a partnership.

Footsteps behind me have me whirling with my blade drawn.

Drax holds his hands up in mock surrender before plopping down next to me.

Shaking my head, I sheathe my blade and look back out into the Waste.

“I need to tell you something, in case anything goes wrong tomorrow. I need you to know.” Turning with a blink, I look into his serious face. His eyes are full of nerves and something else.

“Know what?” Tilting my head to the side, I eye my usually playful twin. He swallows before licking his lips.

“I love you,” he stares shyly at me, the words floating in the air between us.

My chest warms and happiness bursts to life in me, my chest warms as I feel the broken pieces of my heart sealing together as my eyes fill with tears.

But panic immediately follows the happiness making my heart beat double time.

“Wh-” I choke out but a howl has me jumping into a crouch with my blade in my hand once again.

“Taz-”

I hold my hand up and close my eyes, listening hard.

“Sweet cheeks, please say something.” Opening my eyes, I look at him, his face looks stricken. I don’t want to say it back, not until I’m sure, but I need to give him something. I open my mouth when a twig breaks close by.

“There's something out there.” His face falls and closes down but he nods. He crouches next to me, but he feels a million miles away. Shit, I need to fix this but I need to protect us first. I can accept his distance, but I can’t accept him dying because I was busy pouring my feelings out.

A howl sounds off in the distance again, making me clutch my knife tighter.

“Stay behind me,” I warn before sneaking around the chunk of stone I was sitting on. There. Moving in the shadows are at least three ferals. Drax must see them too because he swears and I hear him draw a knife.

“What do we do?”

Grinding my teeth, I wait to see if they move closer.

“Wait. I don’t want to kill them if we don’t have to.”

“Why?” He whisper-shouts.

“Because it will draw a pack and then we are fucked.” He swears again and I have to agree.

We stay crouched there as they sniff about before yipping at each other and taking off in the other direction.

I barely breathe until I can't hear them anymore and then I still wait.

A good twenty minutes later, I relax my position and turn to Drax.

He glances at me, then sheathes his knife. He looks at the ground, his face hard. Fuck, I hate sharing feelings, but if it will bring back my Drax, I’ll suck it up.

“I've been in love before.” His head snaps up as he watches me warily. “I know I mentioned it to you.”

He nods. “What happened to him?”

Noah’s dead body flashes in my mind, making me fall back on my ass. “He died.”

He sucks in a breath and sits cross-legged in front of me. “What happened?” He grabs my hand and squeezes, offering me comfort. I sigh and look into his eyes.

“He was one of Ivar’s general's son’s. We were friends at first, both of us being around the same age.

We had to hide it, me being a slave and all.

We grew up, growing closer as we did. But he was training to be a warrior and I was Ivar’s pet.

He used to come to my room every night and treat my wounds from the day, and every time I could see his heartbreak.

He was soft, too soft for this world. His dad thought it could be trained out of him, but I knew better.

” Looking down, I play with Drax’s fingers.