Page 51

CHAPTER 51

SIENNA

I spent most of Sunday ignoring Zander’s calls and crying in my bed. Russell didn’t have any prior commitments, so he stepped up and played Daddy for the day. He told Zoey that Mommy was sick and left me alone as much as possible.

Zoey didn’t love it, but she was relatively accepting, and if she got too fussy, Russell managed to distract her.

I was grateful for his help, although the fact that he was so helpful just made me cry all the more, because Zander should have been doing that job.

I wanted Zander.

But I also didn’t.

Because he did something completely abhorrent and hid it from me.

Of course he hid it from you! Would you want to admit to raping someone?

I couldn’t get past it. The thought that he would do that to some helpless, drugged-up girl made me sick. I never actually threw up, but my nausea was overpowering.

And I still feel ill as I sit on the floor, watching Zoey play.

My insides are numb.

It’s hard to crack a smile and play happy families with my girl when I’m feeling this destroyed. It’s like losing him all over again… but so much worse.

“Okay, I’m off. I have a meeting.” Russell swans into the room. He’s been in such a chipper mood this morning, and it’s grating.

He cooked Zoey breakfast while I sat at the counter sipping coffee.

He sang as he loaded the dishwasher. He laughed as he chased Zoey around the living room, trying to make her brush her teeth.

And now he’s leaving, and I can’t fucking wait.

Am I the worst? I should be grateful for Russell. But his joy over filling a slot that belongs to another man drives me crazy.

I guess I should just get over myself. Mom told me I should fall for Russell, but?—

“I’ll drop off the asshole’s car on my way to the arena, and you can have mine for the rest of today, okay?” Russell crouches down, kissing the top of Zoey’s head while my chest starts to hurt again. “See you lovely girls later.” He grins, then leans forward and kisses me.

Right on the mouth.

I pull back, blinking at him like he just slapped my face, but he’s already on his feet and walking for the door.

Scrubbing my lips with my hand, I try to wipe him away as a fresh bubble of tears starts brewing .

I don’t want to have to deal with this shit too!

How am I supposed to tell the guy who’s helping me out that I don’t love him that way and he needs to stop forcing his agenda?

I don’t have anywhere else to go right now, and I just… I can’t handle this!

Pulling in a shaky breath, I wipe my lips again, rubbing off the last of Russell and yearning for Zander in a way that’s just plain mean and unfair.

I shouldn’t want him at all after what he did!

But still my heart calls for him.

“Lellyfant.” Zoey holds up her plastic animal.

“Yep.” I nod and give her a weak smile.

“Mon…chee.”

“Monkey,” I correct her, my voice wooden.

“Lilon.”

“Lion.”

She grins. “Rhino.”

“That’s good.”

Her proud smile is adorable. I should be laughing like I normally do, praising her amazing talking, but instead my eyes flood with tears. Looking away before Zoey spots them, I rise to grab a tissue, then get distracted by my phone.

It’s vibrating on the coffee table, so I pick it up. I don’t recognize the number, but it could be one of the moms from the playgroup, and as loath as I am to be around other people right now, Zoey definitely deserves better company than me.

Maybe I should let it ring, and the caller can leave a message.

I bite my lip, quickly scanning my brain and concluding that everyone at Football Frat is no doubt at school, and if it’s not my parents, then it must be a playgroup mom.

Shit! Just answer it. Think of what’s best for Zoey!

With a huff, I swipe my thumb across the screen. “Hello?”

“Sienna? Hi. It’s Monica.”

It takes me a split second to register who that is, and then my insides run cold.

“Please don’t hang up.” She rushes out the words.

I huff. “Did Zander tell you to call me?”

“Of course not. He feels fully deserving of your ghosting, but… he shouldn’t. He’s not a bad guy!” Monica’s voice pitches. “Look, I know it’s probably not my place to intervene, but my brother is infuriatingly stubborn, and I know he hasn’t told you the whole truth yet.”

I close my eyes, feeling slightly dizzy. “I know the truth. I found out about the girl and how he roofied her and… and?—”

“He never roofied anyone. I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I can assure you that if it wasn’t for Zander, that girl would have been raped multiple times that night. He saved her.”

“What?” I plunk down on the couch. “But he said…” My brain struggles to recall exactly what he said, until it suddenly dawns on me…

He didn’t say anything.

He just stood there while I jumped to all the wrong conclusions.

Oh shit. He’s been trying to call me. To tell me the truth and?—

“Why didn’t he tell me the other night?” I whisper. “ Why did he let those Kelsey U guys lie about everything?”

Monica sighs. “By the sounds of it, they didn’t lie about everything. ”

I stiffen.

“Zander did break the captain’s jaw. He was running on white-hot rage when he saw what was happening. He couldn’t believe someone would treat their girlfriend that way, and he pounced without thinking… thumped that jackass until he was an unconscious blob on the floor.”

I hiss, picturing the scene. I’ve never seen Zander that angry before. It’s kind of hard to imagine. But then maybe I can see it, Zander’s face puckered in anger while his arm worked like a piston.

The image scares me a little, and I glance at Zoey, so innocent and sweet on the floor.

So vulnerable.

“So, yes, he got arrested and accused of a bunch of bullshit, but with help from me and Coach Jones and a few eyewitnesses, he was cleared of all charges.” Monica snaps me back to attention. “Unfortunately, he scored himself the eternal wrath of the team because he told the police everything he knew. He had to get away from Kelsey U after that. Thankfully, Coach Jones’s new job coincided with all of this, and he took Zander with him.”

Not sure what to say, I slump back on the couch, trying to absorb everything.

“I’m not saying he didn’t have a really bad year and get caught up in a bunch of stuff he regrets. He was trying to impress the wrong people. He thought he needed to act like them to be accepted by them, so he got into drinking big-time, smoked a little weed, had a lot of sex. ”

I squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to hear any of this.

“Shit, sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Monica huffs. “I really suck at this, but I want you to know that when push came to shove, he did the right thing. And there are witnesses to prove it. Believe me, I went into full-blown PI mode to find out the truth. I interviewed everyone at that party, and enough people were saying the same thing. Those assholes had roofied girls before. They were big on sharing their girlfriends whether the girls wanted that or not. Zander was oblivious to all of it. But when he saw what was happening… he totally saved that girl. A few of his teammates got reprimanded, and things got ugly for a while.”

“What happened to the main culprits?”

“Much to my complete aggravation, it became a case of ‘he said, she said,’ and the boys got off with warnings. They tried to kick Hodgkins and Williams off the team, but then the school board stepped in and did everything in their power to avoid a big scandal. Hush money was paid out, and the whole thing got swept under the rug. It was a total shit show and handled so badly, but the team blames Zander for exposing what was really going on. I’m pretty sure he put a major dent in their partying lifestyle, and I imagine a lot of girls started avoiding the Titans.”

My mind is reeling as I try to absorb all of this. I can’t believe Zander had to play with those assholes, and their hatred toward him has definitely endured judging by Saturday’s game.

“So…” I lick my bottom lip. “Zander never had nonconsensual sex?”

“No! Don’t think that for one second. I mean, according to what he’s told me, he had a lot of drunken sex, and I know he’s paranoid that on one of those occasions, he might have… But I’d argue that no one was asking for his consent either. It’s a two-way street. I swear, too much alcohol and sex is a really bad idea. I hate that he had to learn that the hard way.”

I let out a shuddering sigh, slashing a tear off my cheek.

“Since moving to Nolan U, he hasn’t gotten wasted once. He’s really big on only drinking a beer or two, then stopping. He never wants to be that out of control again. I swear to you, Sienna, he’s a changed man. You can trust him.”

My chin bunches as I try to talk through my tears. “I really want to, but it made me feel like I don’t know him at all. He never talks to me about his time at Kelsey U, and it was so shocking to hear all that stuff.”

“You do know him.” Monica’s voice is soft and soothing. “He’s an inherently good man. He just lost his way for a while. And he blames himself that he didn’t figure things out sooner. He carries the guilt of what happened to those girls before he found out what was going down. I’m not sure he’ll ever forgive himself.”

That sounds more like my man. No wonder he didn’t want to tell me.

“I think your forgiveness would really help, and I’ve been bugging him for weeks to open up and tell you the truth. He was just so ashamed and worried that you’d never speak to him again.”

I bolt upright, blinking at the wall.

Shit, that’s exactly what I did. I wouldn’t take his calls. I completely shut him out !

He’ll never tell you anything if you don’t give him a reason to trust that you’ll stick around through thick and thin. Shit, Sienna, stop bolting like a scared rabbit.

I have to see him.

I have to make this right.

Jumping off the couch, I hurry into Zoey’s room, grabbing her day bag and quickly filling it as I rush to say, “Thank you, Monica. You’ve been a huge help.”

“Anytime. You gonna go see my bro?”

“I’m going to try.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear. Good luck, chick. Let me know how it goes.”

“Sure.” I hang up and shove the last of Zoey’s things into a bag before running to get dressed.

Armed with the truth, I’m now desperate to see Zander and make things right again.

Because I hate doing this life without him.

He’s a good man, and Zoey deserves to have her father in her life.

Just like I deserve to be with the only man I’ve ever loved, dammit!