Page 12

CHAPTER 12

ZANDER

Football practice sucks.

I try to concentrate, but my mind is a scrambled mess, making it impossible to even participate in the game review discussions. And as for my throwing and drills… I’m total shit.

My coaches aren’t blind. They sub me out for the final practice game, and I sit on the sidelines watching Owen send near-perfect spirals down the field while my knee bobs like a jackhammer.

Grady and Carson are on form, catching balls and running plays that prove how good they are. Bobby Fleischer and Mike Braxton run pretty good defense, but my Football Frat brothers are slippery fish today. I’d usually laugh and feel triumphant, but I’ll leave the smirking up to Carson, because I can’t do anything but sit here like a tortured man.

Fleischer misses yet another tackle, Grady pivoting left to avoid him. He hits the dirt and thumps the grass with a growl .

“They don’t call him Flash for nothing, slow ass.” Carson jumps away when Bobby tries to swipe his ankle.

Tyrell eyes the exchange like a hawk, ready to run over and intercept. It’s no secret that Bobby and Carson are constantly on the edge of an all-out brawl. It’s lucky they’re never on the field together during game time.

Shit, I should be out there. I should be practicing for the upcoming game, not sitting here shrouded in… whatever the fuck is taking over my brain right now!

And I still have my final training session to go before I can get out of this place, but if I don’t stretch and run through those exercises the physical therapists give us, then I’ll be screwed for the game this weekend. And I have to be on form for that.

My heart starts pounding all over again as Coach Jones brings us in for his standard pep talk wrap-up.

“Good job today, guys. I’m liking the intensity. We’re going to need that kind of focus when we play the Rams this weekend. We have a home game advantage. No travel, so we should be better rested.” He sends a few pointed looks around the crew, finishing with Carson, who rolls his eyes and mutters something under his breath. Grady nudges him with a frown, and Carson forces a smile, giving Coach a thumbs-up.

“I’ll go to bed on time like a good boy, Coach.”

A few snickers and murmuring laughs rustle through the team, and Coach speaks over the top of it all.

“I expect that from all of you. Not just because I want to see you play well, but because I want my men to be healthy. Staying up all hours isn’t gonna help your body function to the best of its ability. Now, one final thing before I let you guys go…” He rubs his finger under his no se, and I instantly know that whatever comes next is important and serious. “As some of you may have heard, my daughter is attending Nolan U this year. It’s her first time at college, and although I appreciate helpful, friendly students, I do not appreciate leering young men who wolf whistle when she passes by the stadium or is waiting for me by my car.” His voice takes on a hard, steely edge. “Women are not put on this earth as eye candy or merely for your pleasure. You will respect her, you will use your manners, you will not ogle her, and under no circumstances will you date her.” He eyes the team. “My daughter is off-limits. Am I making myself abundantly clear here?”

Damn. The look on his face right now.

No way in hell would I be going anywhere near his daughter.

I throw a few glances around the team, eyeing up Watson and Franco. Oh, and there’s Wily, although he’s a little scared of Coach, so I’m guessing he won’t go anywhere near his daughter. And then there’s Carson. I throw a side-eye at my housemate. He’s smirking like he’s gonna do what he wants no matter watch Coach says, but then his smile falters and he nods. I whip my head back to Coach and notice him eyeballing all of the biggest problems on the team. They seem to be shrinking under his glare.

Yeah, I think whoever his daughter is will be safe from the Cougars.

Let’s hope she doesn’t mind.

But then it hits me.

Oh fuck, it hits me like a rocket.

If my daughter was attending Nolan U and I was in Coach’s position, I’d probably be giving out the same orders. Because I’d do anything to protect my baby girl.

And holy fuck… I actually have one of those now.

Zoey’s face pops into my brain with crystal clarity, her cute smile and big blue eyes. The sound of her voice as she asked me to “pay,” then told me I was too big for the “sing.”

My heart turns to putty in my chest.

The thought of some fuckwit hurting her makes me want to maim something. I’ve only known her a day, and I already feel an overwhelming protectiveness. Imagine how much stronger that would be if I’d known about her all along.

Shit! Why the fuck didn’t Sienna tell me!

Anger travels through me like a tidal wave again, and I don’t even notice that Coach has dismissed us until the mass of players around me starts to disperse.

“Donohue!” Coach barks.

I snap to attention and glance at him.

“A word?” He beckons me with his finger.

Fuck.

Clearing my throat, I bang my helmet lightly against my leg as I follow Coach off the field and into his office.

He closes the door—never a good sign—and I stand there jittering in front of his desk.

I’m not usually nervous around Coach, but I’m a wreck today, and it’s impossible to hide.

“You feel good about the upcoming game?” Coach closes a few binders, stacking them neatly on the shelf behind him.

“Uh… yeah. I think we’ve got a good chance for a win. Th ere are no guarantees, but we played them last season and won, so…” I shrug.

“And you’re happy with the gameplay strategy we’ve put together? The plays I sent you yesterday… you’ve gone over those?”

“Yes, sir. I spent about an hour last night going through them. It’s a solid plan of attack, and I’ll make sure my boys execute.”

“Good.” He nods, eyeing me up like he’s waiting for more.

I clear my throat and look to the ground.

After an awkward beat, Coach lets out a soft sigh, fidgeting with the ring on his pinkie finger before looking back at me. “Zander, you know I have faith in you. I recruited you into Kelsey U, and when I left, I brought you here with me. You’re one of the best quarterbacks I’ve ever worked with, and I trust you to see this team through to victory on Saturday.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“But there’s been something really off with you this week, and unless you can clear your head, I don’t know how effective you’re going to be on that field.”

Closing my eyes, I scrape a hand through my sweaty hair.

“Now, you either need to open up and talk to me about it right now, or I’m making an appointment with our team psychologist tomorrow.”

With slumped shoulders, I drop into the chair and rest my elbows on my knees. My helmet clunks onto the floor, and I start spilling my guts like I’m unlocking a dam .

“I just found out my high school girlfriend has a daughter. My daughter. And she never told me.” I glance up with a desperate frown. “Didn’t try to call or see me. Nothing. She kept it a secret this whole time, and then I see this girl at the playground who looks exactly like my sister did at that age, and Sienna shows up and the girl calls her Mommy, and I’m reeling. I can’t… I…” I shake my head. “And she won’t tell me why she kept it a secret. I tried to ask her today, and she got all shitty with me and took off! I’m a dad! I’m a dad to a kid I don’t even know!” My breaths are getting short and punchy, my words starting to fall apart.

Coach has moved around the desk, and his hand is now on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay, son. Just breathe. Breathe.”

I do as he says, struggling to regulate but knowing I have to. This is all part of my training, right? Find the calm in the middle of the storm. Don’t let the stress get the better of you.

“That’s a lot to take in.” Coach pulls up the chair beside me and takes a seat. “I can understand why you’ve been off. Can you think of any reason why she might have kept this from you?”

“I don’t know.” I wince and have to fight the urge to cry.

What the fuck?

I am not crying in front of Coach!

Sucking in a breath, I punch it back out and will my voice not to shake too hard. “I broke up with her before I left for college. I wanted to focus on football and making a good impression at Kelsey U.” I wince. “And I didn’t want to hold her back or hinder her senior year. I didn’t want her waiting around for me, you know? ”

Coach nods when I look at him, like I need his approval for my shitty decision.

“But I never knew how much I’d miss her. And when I went back to see if we could try long-distance… she was gone. Literally disappeared.”

“I see.” Coach threads his fingers together. “So, you think she didn’t tell you because she wanted to punish you?”

I shrug. That didn’t sound like Sienna. She was never vindictive.

“Maybe she assumed you didn’t want to know. Or she didn’t want to burden you when you were obviously trying to pursue a career in football.”

“Maybe,” I mumble, gripping the back of my neck.

“Do you think she’ll let you see your daughter?”

“She let me play with her during my lunch break today.” My lips twitch as I remember Zoey’s adorable giggles and how she called me Foobawl.

“So, she invited you to be a part of Zoey’s life?”

“No.” I let out a weak laugh and am embarrassed to admit, “I’ve just been going to playgrounds any chance I can get. Just waiting around and looking for them. I got lucky today.” I swallow, and my leg starts bobbing again. “Until she yelled at me and took off.”

“So, there’s obviously some anger and pain lurking there.”

“On both sides,” I grit out.

“I understand.” Coach’s voice is so soft and soothing. I glance at his face, waiting for the shame my dad would no doubt make me feel. I impregnated a teenage girl. I did exactly what he told me not to. In Dad’s mind, I’ve probably ruined my life .

Shit, in Dad’s mind, he’d probably tell me to forget about it and move on, focus on the game, make something of myself.

But how can I turn my back when I know I have a kid out there? A beautiful baby girl… and her beautiful mother.

Shit, seeing Sienna again was…

I can’t even deal with that emotion on top of everything else.

“I know I need to be a part of her life, but Sienna is obviously against it. She fucking hates me.” I frown, waiting for Coach to tell me off for my language—the guy talks like a saint—but he doesn’t say anything, just sits there quietly while I bob my leg and come up with an idea I detest, but maybe it’s one I have to accept. “I mean… should I just leave them alone? They’ve obviously been doing fine without me. Zoey’s a really happy kid. Sienna seems like a great mom. Maybe I should…” My throat swells, and it’s a struggle to get the words out. “Bow out. She doesn’t want me to be a part of it, and I don’t want to cause her any more pain or stress or?—”

“Son.” Coach stops me with another squeeze to my shoulder. “You have to pursue this. Being a parent is one of life’s greatest privileges. I have four kids, so I should know.” He grins. “This is your child we’re talking about here, and you’ll regret it forever if you don’t fight for a chance to get to know her. Whatever’s going on between you and her mother, you need to resolve it enough that she’ll let you be a part of your little girl’s life.”

My head is bobbing before he’s even finished talking. Relief floods through me because he’s just said everything I needed to hear .

Not that I was waiting for his permission or anything, but I respect the guy, and to have him agree with what I truly want is just the bolster I need.

I turn to him and softly rasp, “Can you help me?”

“Of course. What can I do?”

“Uh, well… I’m pretty sure she’s living with a man called Russell Fisher. He’s an assistant coach for the?—”

“Men’s hockey team. Yeah, I’ve met him.”

“Me too. Unfortunately,” I mutter.

“Check yourself,” Coach softly warns me. “I don’t need to know your opinion of another staff member.”

I grit my teeth, clenching my fist and tapping it on my knee. “Is there any chance you could give me his address? Or a way of finding him?”

Coach presses his lips together and rises from his chair. “I’ll see what I can do. Let me have a talk with him and see if I can get you his address or at least a phone number so you can set up a meeting.”

“He doesn’t want me anywhere near Sienna and Zoey. He told me to leave them alone.”

“Hmmm.” Coach scratches his jawline. “Leave it with me. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Even if we set up some kind of mediation session or something.”

“Thank you, Coach.” I rise from my chair and end up hugging the guy.

That wasn’t my plan, but my arms just wrapped around him before I could stop myself.

He gives me a tight squeeze before pounding my back a couple times and letting me go. Looking up at me with a reassuring smile, he lightly pats my cheek. “It’s going to be okay, son. ”

I nod and dare myself to believe him as I walk out of his office.