Page 48

CHAPTER 48

ZANDER

The second those questions are out of his mouth, I know I’m done.

Fuck!

He just sold me out, and I don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to explain any of this to Sienna.

I can feel the shift behind me. A second ago, she was clinging to my jacket, but her hold has loosened. She’s now shuffling away from me, moving back into my line of sight and looking hella confused.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

“Zander?”

I look at the ground, unable to maintain eye contact. I want to kill Boyle right now. He was in that fucking room. He knew exactly what went down, and he’s flipping the story to make me look like the ultimate villain.

Fuck, maybe I am.

“Well, have yourself a good night, Donohue.” Boyle slaps my arm .

I growl, flicking him off me as he laughs and tips his head, beckoning his yellow-and-black crew to split.

Glaring after them, I watch them saunter off and wish it wasn’t illegal to shoot people dead. I fucking swear, I’ve only ever wanted to kill someone once—that night when I saw what those assholes were doing—but the anger pulsing through me right now is making me want to kill again.

“Zander.” Sienna shakes my arm. “What was he talking about?”

I glance at her, unable to form any words. She looks so horrified right now… and she has every right to be.

“Roofies?” she questions me, and I feel sick. “What did you do to that guy’s girlfriend?”

Closing my eyes, I can’t answer her. The shame is too thick and strong. It’s riding over me, pulsing through me in these nauseating waves that I can’t counter.

“Oh my go—” She slaps a hand over her mouth, staring at me like she doesn’t even know who I am.

Her blue eyes fill with instant tears.

Swallowing, I look back to the ground.

“Please tell me none of that was true,” Sienna blubbers.

I can’t respond.

“Zander!” She slaps my arm. “Tell me they were lying!”

But I can’t.

The one thing I never wanted her to know is now out there. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

I mean, I could try to explain, I guess.

The story isn’t exactly how it’s been construed just now, but what’s the fucking point ?

I’m guilty as hell.

And I hate myself for what happened.

“I fucked up,” I manage, but that barely skims the surface.

“No.” Sienna starts shaking her head and backing away from me, no doubt thinking about those girls she saw me with, then hearing “roofies” and jumping to conclusions.

I want to snatch her back, beg her to forget the past and just move on from here.

I’ll never ever be the total shit I was my freshman year.

But she’s not going to let me promise that. I can sense I’ve already lost her as she stumbles back a few more steps, then spins on her heel and takes off running.

My insides buckle, crying out, raging for her to stop and let me explain.

But I can’t.

What fucking right do I have to do that?

I don’t deserve her in the first place.

I don’t deserve Zoey.

My sins will haunt me for the rest of my fucking life.

And that’s exactly what I deserve.