Page 25

CHAPTER 25

SIENNA

It’s been nearly a week since I saw Zander. We ended up staying at the playground way longer than I intended, and by the time I got home, Russell was in a snippy mood. I couldn’t figure out why, and I wasn’t about to add fuel to the fire by telling him I was at the park with the Football Frat guys.

I couldn’t admit to the way they melted my heart when Zoey got bowled over by those kids. The way Zander told them off, and his teammates formed an intimidating line in front of that poor boy. He only looked to be around fourteen or so, and as pissed off as I was with him for knocking my daughter down, he looked pretty damn scared by the time Zander finally let him go.

Zoey was safe.

I smile yet again, reliving the scene and then thinking about the daily text messages I’ve been getting from Zander.

He checks in on Zoey each morning, and I’ve been sending him pics. He posts back funny photos of him and his teammates. They seem to love putting on a show for my little girl, and I adore them for it.

She’s falling hard and fast for these football players, and I’m helpless to stop it.

I mean, I don’t need to, right?

Except for the fact that three of them will be graduating at the end of this year, and who knows where they’ll end up.

Is Zander hoping to go pro?

What will that mean for Zoey and me?

Shit… am I setting her up for disaster?

She’s going to be completely in love with her daddy, and then he’s going to take off, not be around while he travels the country playing football and I’m left at home with her. We’ll miss him like crazy, and?—

Stop it. You’re spiraling. Just don’t think about it.

It’s not like Zander and I are getting back together. He’s made it clear that he wants to be a part of Zoey’s life, and he’s proving himself worthy of being a part of it.

But that has nothing to do with romance.

He wants to be a good father.

That’s it.

I swallow, flicking on the TV as a way to distract myself. Zoey fell asleep about an hour ago. Russell’s at an away game, and it’s just me tonight.

It’s the first time Russell’s had an away game this season, and he was nervous traveling with his team and leaving me all alone.

I assured him I’m totally fine. If anything, I was looking forward to an evening to myself.

But now that I’ve got it, I kind of hate being at home all alone with Zoey. It’s a lot of responsibility. I can handle it, but this is actually the first time I’ve spent an entire night with just me and her. All I can hope and pray is that nothing goes wrong.

My mind jumps to images of house fires and masked intruders.

I snap my eyes closed for a second and softly reprimand myself. “Stop it. You’re fine. Everything is fine.”

And at least Zander is only a phone call away now.

Although he has a big game tomorrow and I have no idea what he’s up to tonight, I’ve got a gut feeling that if I called him, he’d drop everything to be here for Zoey and me.

Picking up my phone, I read through our last couple text chains, smiling to myself as I gaze at the last shot he sent Zoey. It’s a smiling thumbs-up. He was praising her for attempting a forward roll. She ended up just rolling on her side, but she thought she was the next Simone Biles. It was pretty cute.

Brushing my thumb over his handsome face, I nearly drop the phone when I get a text message from Russell’s sister, Celeste.

Celly: Just checking in. Russell’s worried about you.

I roll my eyes and quickly reply.

Me: I’m fine! Seriously. He doesn’t have to worry.

Celly: I told him that, but he’s a paranoid freak when he wants to be. I’ll assure him that you’re snuggled up on the couch watching romance movies.

I snicker.

Me: How’d you know?

Celly: Of course I know what you’re doing. Have fun!

I send her a few kiss emojis, then glance at the TV. I’m actually watching an old football game. Or at least the highlights of it.

Denver Broncos versus Seattle Seahawks.

I’m watching with half an eye, playing a game of Puzzle Blocks on my phone and getting increasingly bored. Restless, I rise from the couch and head to the kitchen, opening the pantry and eyeing the candy box on the top shelf.

“You don’t need it,” I remind myself as I reach for the tin and open the lid, picking out the packet of Nerds Zander bought me and downing a mouthful. I crunch through them, loving the fake watermelon taste before scoring myself one more mouthful, then flinching when there’s a knock at the door.

I go still, my heart rate spiking as I return the candy box to the top shelf of the pantry and shuffle to the entranceway. I’m wearing a Tigger onesie right now. Zoey and I bought matching ones, and she wanted to wear them tonight. Do I quickly whip it off before answering the door? But I’m only wearing skimpy pajamas underneath.

Screw it. Just embarrass yourself and answer the door looking like a Disney character. Who cares what people think as long as you’re not standing there half naked.

Alone and half naked.

Twitchy, I inch toward the front door, wondering if I should grab a fry pan first.

It worked for Rapunzel, right?

“Uh… one second.”

“Sen, it’s me.”

Zander’s voice stops me mid-step, and I pivot back toward the door and quickly unlock the bolt .

Pulling the door open, I stare at him under the yellow porch light, loving the way the shadows cascade across his face, accentuating his chiseled features. He’s so good-looking it hurts. The smile on his face is adorable as he drinks me in.

“Cute.” He points at me, and I glance down, cringing at how ridiculous I must look.

“Zoey’s got one, too, and…” I shrug.

“I like it.”

I can’t help a soft laugh and turn so he can check out the tail. Wiggling my butt, I give it a swish, and he snickers but doesn’t break into a proper laugh.

Actually, he looks kind of tortured and unsettled standing outside the front door, scuffing his Converse on the concrete.

“Hey, are you okay?” I whisper.

“Yeah. I just…” He winces and looks over his shoulder. “Please don’t think I’m a big stalker or anything, but I saw that the hockey team’s at an away game, and I figured…” He gives me a helpless shrug. “I just wanted to check that you and Zoey were okay… by yourselves.”

My lips curl into a teasing smile. “You don’t think I can handle it?”

“I absolutely think you can handle it.” He gives me a reassuring nod, then licks his lips before softly confessing, “And maybe I don’t just want to check on you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe I want to see if you’d like to hang out… without Russell sending me hate vibes and my teammates…” His shoulder hitches. “Being my teammates.” A pleading look flashes across his face before he pulls his features into line .

My insides dance, a ticklish thrill racing down the back of my legs. It’s pure temptation and zero logical thought.

Which is why I pull the door open wide enough for him to enter. It’s why I take a quick sniff of his delicious cologne-plus-man smell, and it’s why I shut the door behind me and have to clamp my lips against the giddy giggle that wants to pop out of me.

Zander’s here.

It’s just me and him.

Alone.

Together.

Goose bumps ripple over my arms, and I’m so glad he can’t see them. He can’t know how excited I am, because I seriously shouldn’t be feeling this excited!

This should be awkward as shit, but somehow it’s not. Somehow, watching him slip his shoes off and pad into the living room is the most natural thing in the world.

I trail after him, admiring his fine ass as he sheds his jacket and flicks it over the end of the couch.

“Zoey’s asleep.” I walk around him, desperate to brush up against him but suddenly nervous that maybe he’s not here for that.

He did just say “hang out,” right?

Like friends do.

Friends, Sienna!

Zander nods, looking around the living room. He doesn’t seem disappointed by the fact that he can’t see his daughter right now, and my belly does a little shimmy.

He came to see me. To hang out with me!

“This was a good game.” He points to the TV and takes a seat in my usual spot. I love that his butt is now sitting where mine always goes.

Are you kidding me right now? What is wrong with you?

I clear my throat, trying to lodge the awkward out of it and act like a normal person. You know, in my Tigger outfit. “Yeah, I was just watching highlights and?—”

“Eating Nerds.” He grins up at me.

“What?” I glance down at my onesie and don’t spot any evidence.

“In your hair.”

“Oh.” My blush must be fire-engine red as I scramble to pull the three little Nerds out of my hair. He turns back to the TV with a soft snicker, and I quickly pop them into my mouth while he’s not looking. Sucking them down, I take a seat on the other end of the couch, curling my toes between the cushions while he stretches his arm across the back.

His fingers are close enough to touch my shoulder, and my heart is going wild.

Sienna, seriously. Calm the hell down!

“Can’t believe you still like them.” Zander’s finger twitches, lightly skimming the hair on my shoulder.

“I can’t believe you remembered.” I nudge his thigh with my big toe.

He glances my way and murmurs, “I remember everything about you.”

His gaze is so open, I can’t breathe for a second. “Like what?”

His lips twitch and grow into a smile. “Like the fact that you adore Taylor Swift but always get her lyrics wrong when you’re singing. ”

My nose scrunches up. I wish I could argue with him, but that’s so freaking accurate.

“And the fact that you hate hot dogs, though very courageously ate one when I took you to that park by the lake.”

“Oh my gosh.” I cover my face and laugh into my palms. “You knew?”

“You were trying so hard to hide it, but you kept looking like you were about to gag. That’s why I told you I was hungry and asked if I could finish your hot dog for you.”

I laugh and peek at him between my fingers.

“I never understood why you didn’t just say you didn’t like them.”

“Because you’d already paid for it, and I felt bad.”

“Miss Honesty.” He shakes his head with a sexy little smirk. “That was the only time I can think of when you didn’t tell me the truth.”

I shrug, my blush still hot and no doubt obvious.

“I guess I should have asked if you wanted a hot dog before just buying you one.” He gives me a little side-eye. “But what true-blooded American doesn’t like hot dogs?”

“Oh stop.” I lightly whack his arm. “No one even knows what hot dogs are made of. For a guy with a body as perfect as yours, I’m surprised you’re willing to put that stuff in your mouth.”

He tips his head back with a soft laugh, and I study the line of his throat, wishing I could trail my tongue over his Adam’s apple and just keep heading south. I loved exploring his body with my lips and tongue.

Okay, stop it. Be sensible !

Squeezing my legs together, I force my eyes back to the TV. “Are you still eating a super-strict diet?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “Gotta be in top shape.”

“You’re going for the NFL, aren’t you?”

He nods. “I’m gonna try.”

“Wow.” I look back and smile at him, trying to ignore the burning sensation in my eyes. “You’re making your dreams come true. Just the way you wanted.”

“Not exactly the way I wanted,” he murmurs, and I can feel the shift.

He’s about to get all serious on me, and as sensible as that would be—you know, to talk about all those things we need to talk about—I just can’t do it.

I don’t want serious tonight. I want to go back to playful memories and light, fluffy times that don’t hurt.

“Wanna play a game?” I quickly ask before he can say anything else.

He gives me an intrigued look, his lips fighting a grin.

“So, I’m gonna say a word, and you have to come up with a song lyric or movie line related to it. For example, if I say sunshine, you might say…”

“I’ve got sunshiiiine.” He sings the first line of “My Girl” by The Temptations, and I bob in my seat, nodding with a happy grin.

“Okay, your turn.”

“All right.” He tips his head back into the sofa cushions again, and my eyes tracks his perfect lines, scanning down to his collarbone and beyond.

Avert your gaze! Control yourself, woman!

I quickly look at the TV once more and refuse to glance his way, even when he says his word.

“Blue. ”

I immediately spit out the line Dad always used to sing to me. “Blue eyes. Baby’s got blue eyes.”

“Yes.” He claps. “I was thinking of that old song with all the ‘blue da ba dee’ bits. You know the one?”

I laugh and sing the chorus of Eiffel 65’s song, totally screwing up the lyrics. It came out before we were born, but we both still know it.

“Monica used to play that all the time when we were kids. She loves that song.”

Grinning, I resist the urge to ask how his sister is, worried that it might lead to the serious conversations I’m trying to avoid, and instead pick another word.

“Shake.”

“Shake it off,” he sings, and I laugh, pointing at him.

“You’re such a Swiftie.”

He goes red while trying to deny it. “I am not. I just knew that you would know that song, even though you’d get all the lyrics wrong.”

I gasp at his teasing and go to poke him, but he grabs my finger. So I use my big toe, sticking it into his firm abs. Holy shit, he’s all muscle.

He snatches my ankle, holding me with ease while that thrill I’ve been trying to deny races right through me again. Ignoring any sensible warnings, I lunge forward with my free hand and a riotous giggle… and we quickly start a playful tussle that is so familiar, I’m taken back to my junior year of high school.

I’m not twenty-one anymore, I’m a loved-up seventeen-year-old who is laughing as my boyfriend tries to tickle me and I wriggle against him.

Squirming on the couch, I yank at his wrist, yelping when he pulls my leg and tries to tickle my other side .

We flop onto the floor with a raucous thud, both laughing as I land on Zander’s chest with a soft “Oof.”

The momentum rolls us over, and I’m soon lying beneath him, squished against the coffee table, my giggles fading to oblivion as I gaze up into his beautiful face and feel every inch of him. His washboard abs are resting against my stomach, his hips pinning me to the floor. His arms are on either side of me, encasing me with his strength while his fingers lightly cup the top of my head. It feels so damn good to be under him again, covered by him, owned by his every breath.

His laughter disintegrates, too, his eyes searching mine like he’s asking for permission to kiss me.

Oh shit. Yes! Yes, please! Kiss me until I can’t breathe!

No, Sienna! He can’t kiss you! He’ll break your heart again. Don’t let him do it!

You’ll go falling headfirst, and then he’ll leave and you’ll be destroyed.

Think of Zoey!

Temptation thrums through me as he lowers his head, his nose gently skimming mine.

I want him so badly it hurts, but then my stupid mouth goes and ruins it.

“Don’t,” I whisper.

He pauses, his warm breath caressing my skin. “Don’t?”

“Don’t kiss me,” I softly plead, logical thought finally kicking in.

I don’t know whether to be relieved or pissed off.

Zander’s head jerks back, gazing down at me with a mixture of surprise and hurt. “You don’t want me to kiss you? ”

“I desperately want you to kiss me.” I lick my lips, willing my voice not to shake. “But… you broke my heart, and I barely survived losing you last time. I can’t go through that again. If you kiss me, I’m gonna fall so hard and fast, I’ll be a broken wreck. I have Zoey to look after now. I can’t be nursing a broken heart around her.”

“I’m not trying to break you,” he whispers.

“Then… don’t kiss me unless you mean it.” I close my eyes, licking my lips before rasping, “Don’t kiss me unless you love me and plan to make Zoey and me a permanent part of your future.”

My eyes creep back open in time to see him blinking like I’ve just slapped him across the face.

And there it is.

That look I needed.

Resting my hands on his shoulders, I try to push him off me. “I get it. I’m asking too much.” I push a little harder, grunting to force him up to his knees. Scrambling away from him, I curl my legs to my chest and wrap my arms around them. “I feel like my heart is being held together by sticky tape… really weak sticky tape… and if I’m not careful, it’s gonna splinter.”

He looks to the floor, all our happy silliness lost as if it never happened. Gripping the back of his neck, he mumbles, “I never meant to hurt you.”

Blinking, I try to rein in my tears. Does he have any idea how much he’s hurting me now?

All I’m wanting him to do is admit how much I mean to him.

Is it that hard to promise me he’ll stay in our lives?

Is it that hard to say, “I love you”?

I thought he came back for me. But maybe he just said that to appease me, to soften me when I was making him feel so bad over the way he behaved at Kelsey U.

I don’t know.

Curling my fingers into my onesie, I start to wonder if I should be grateful for his hesitation. Bringing Zander back into my life will no doubt be a complicated mess… and how do I know he’s really changed from the guy he was freshman year?

“Just go, Zander.” My voice quakes. “Go, please.”

He doesn’t move, and I narrow my eyes into a hot glare while pointing toward the front door.

“Leave!” I order him. “I want you to leave. Now.”