Page 29

CHAPTER 29

SIENNA

My pulse is so strong and invasive I can barely think straight. All I want is that glorious cock of his to spear me. My body is aching for it, screaming at me to get on with it. His tip is right there, that slight pressure a sweet promise of what I’ve been missing and pining for.

But…

“We can’t do this.” I pull back, disappointment nearly blinding me, but I’ve got enough logical brain cells left to know I don’t want to get pregnant again.

I can’t let one of his little sperm change my life all over again. I’m not ready to take that risk.

Sure, he loves me.

Sure, I’m learning to trust him again, and I want this.

I really want this.

But the practical side of me is shouting two things on repeat until they drown out my chaotic heartbeat:

You’re not ready to get pregnant again!

Who knows where his dick has been .

The second one makes me shudder, and I slip off his lap entirely, scuttling up the bed.

He looks kind of devastated, and it’s only then that I realize I haven’t explained myself.

I squeeze my eyes shut, scrunching my nose and shaking my head. “We don’t have protection. And I can’t risk… I’m sorry, but?—”

“I have protection.” He scrambles for his jeans, giving me a nice shot of his perfect ass as he reaches to the floor and wrestles his wallet out of the back pocket.

Pulling a condom out, he gives me a triumphant grin, holding it up, like all our problems have been solved.

My stomach jumps and jitters with anticipation, my sex-crazed hormones doing a happy dance, but now all I’m thinking is… He carries a condom in his wallet? How often does he have sex?

His shoulders slump, like he can read my mind, his voice going soft and husky. “The only girl I’ve ever not worn one of these for is you.” He lifts his chin, his gaze holding me still. “You’re the only one who’s ever truly had me.”

My expression buckles as I softly whisper, “But I’m not.”

“You’re the only one who’s had my heart and soul. I may have had sex a time or two.”

“Or a hundred,” I mutter, then wince at the bitter edge to my tone.

He ignores my quip and places his finger under my chin, gently guiding me to face him. “I get that you might not be able to move past this, and I’d never force you to do anything you don’t want to do, but please believe me when I tell you that you’re the only girl I’ve ever made love to.”

His face right now.

Shit, he makes it impossible not to believe him.

His regret and shame is so potent, I can practically taste it.

And I know I’ll hate myself forever if I end our time together this way. If I kick him out the door right now, I’ll be miserable.

So, what are my other options?

You could forgive him.

Licking my bottom lip, I look at the rumpled duvet beneath me, squeezing one of the folds between my fingers and playing with that idea for a minute.

I love him.

I don’t want him to go.

I want him inside me, wiping away the last few years with his sweet kisses. I want to be connected with him the way I’ve never connected with anyone else.

This is my shot to get him back. And I can either take it… or completely ruin it.

Nerves scatter through me like bullets, and I fist the duvet in my fingers.

Zander sighs. “Okay. I get it. And I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

He sounds like he’s about to cry, and I glance up, snatching his wrist before he can move off the bed.

He stares at me, waiting for my next move.

My heart has catapulted into my throat and it’s impossible to say anything, so instead, I slip the condom out of his hand and tear it open.

“Really?” He swivels back to face me properly. His dick, which was starting to soften, quickly springs back into action like it’s been injected with a shot of adrenaline.

I smile down at it, my gaze tracking back up his luscious body as my lady parts start to purr in anticipation.

“I want you to make love to me, Zander. I want you stay in this bed for the whole night and hold me and kiss me and come inside me.” Rolling the condom over his dick, I then lie back down and beckon him with my fingers. “Make us whole again.”

His smile is pure beauty as he drinks me in with a reverent look that sends delicious quivers shooting through my belly.

Crawling between my legs, he lies on top of me, his weight bringing instant comfort as I glide my hands around his shoulders and lightly squeeze them.

He gives me an affectionate wink before kissing the end of my nose and then pressing his mouth to mine.

We make out for a minute, just like we used to, his weight pressing me into the bed with just the right amount of pressure.

I moan and wriggle beneath him, the heat inside me building quickly. His hard length is pressing into my upper thigh, and my pussy is wet and yearning.

“Please, baby,” I rasp against his lips. “I need you now.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.” I breathe the word more than say it.

Reaching between us, he lines himself up, and there’s that tip again, pressing against my entrance, promising so much .

Before he makes the plunge, he pulls up on his elbows, gazing down at me and softly checking, “You’re really sure?”

I swallow and cup his face, brushing my thumb along his cheekbone. “I’m sure.”

And with one smooth thrust he’s inside me again, filling all those empty spaces and bringing me home.

The moan that pops out of me is low and guttural, my heart soaring just the way it used to. This is all so familiar yet feels brand-new at the same time. His hard length is all-consuming, filling me, grinding into me one smooth thrust after another.

I match his rhythm, my body remembering this dance like it was yesterday.

“Oh fuck, you feel good, Sen.” Zander kisses me below my ear, panting against my neck and grunting as he plunges a little deeper.

I cry out, gripping his arms when he rises up to his elbows and skims his finger around my ear.

“You okay, Sparky?” he puffs.

“I’m amazing.”

“Yeah, you are.”

I sense the smile in his voice and pop my eyes open to look at him. He’s still moving inside me at a steady pace, but the world seems to go still around us as I gaze up at his beautiful face and am lost in his adoration.

“I love you.” I mouth. I forgive you, my heart softly says. “You’re mine.”

“And you’re mine.” He lowers himself back over me, kissing me slow until I can’t concentrate on anything other than the feel of him moving inside me.

Sucking his shoulder, I snap my eyes closed and drown in the physical phenomenon I’m experiencing. I forgot how good this feels. The heat pulsing through me is mind-blowing and addictive.

Wrapping my leg around his hip, I dig my heel into his ass and urge him to thrust a little deeper.

He does my bidding, picking up his pace and hammering into me until he’s the only thing to exist in my world.

I can’t breathe, my mouth popping open as another orgasm builds inside me. Like a volcano bubbling away, it suddenly explodes with a burst of pleasure, and I can’t hold in my lusty cries.

Zander groans along with me, his arms starting to shake as he jerks and plunges three more times—fast and deep and powerful.

I gasp and sink my fingers into his taut biceps when he holds himself over me, his back arched, his hips pinning me to the bed. A shudder runs through him as he lets out a groan and empties himself inside me.

I watch him come, loving the look of ecstasy on his face. He’s lost within me, totally consumed by me… and I love him for it.

Splaying my hand over his left pec, I smile at his thundering heartbeat. His chest is still heaving, like he’s just sprinted a hundred meters at the Olympics.

I did that to him.

We did that to each other.

And it feels fucking fantastic!

I can’t help my soft giggle.

His eyes pop open and he gazes down at me, lowering himself to one elbow and lightly tracing my hairline with his finger. “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed your laugh, your voice, your body. Everything. I’ve missed you so much.”

Tears line my lashes instantly, and I sniffle. “I’ve missed you too.”

Brushing my tears away with his thumb, he kisses me softly, like I’m a fragile bird he wants to protect, before slowly rolling to his side.

I swivel to face him, loving the way he takes my hand and starts playing with my fingers. He wants to say something, I can tell, and I wait him out until he looks at me with a vulnerable frown. “You don’t regret what we just did, do you?”

“No.” I shake my head.

“For a second there, I thought it might not happen.”

I give him a shy smile. “The second you walked back through my door, it was a guarantee. I guess I just got tripped up in the middle there.” I wince. “I wish I hadn’t seen what I saw in your dorm room. I wish…” I sigh, rolling onto my back and staring up at the ceiling. “I wish I hadn’t hated you for so long.”

“Hey.” He snuggles against my side, resting his arm across my belly and kissing my shoulder. “I deserved to be hated.”

“But I wasted so much time and energy on it. And?—”

“And what?” He brushes the tip of his nose up my cheek.

“And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was pregnant.” My voice wobbles. “I should have told you about Zoey. Even if it was just an email or something. You had a right to know about your daughter, and I deprived you of that. I told myself it was because you weren’t fit to be a father, but…” My lips press together as I fight another wave of te ars. “I think I was just trying to punish you for getting over me so easily.”

“I didn’t get over you.” His voice is quaking as I turn to see the tears in his eyes. “You broke my heart, too, you know? I came back for you, and you weren’t there.” He shuts his eyes, and I quickly catch the one tear that’s broken free.

He’s crying. He’s actually crying.

I’ve never seen Zander this vulnerable before, and it’s busting my heart wide open.

“I know I can never say it enough. But I’m sorry I acted the way I did. I don’t know what possessed me to think I had to explore the world of women, but it left me empty. So, at Christmas, I came back for you. I was willing to do long-distance until you could join me… but you weren’t there. Not even a goodbye.”

Guilt shreds me, and I shuffle around so I can drape my leg over his and pull us closer together again. The condom sticks between us and I cringe, reaching behind me to grab a tissue and clean him up.

Yeah, my duvet’s going to need washing, too, after the wet mess we made.

But I ignore the problem and focus back on my man.

My man.

He’s my man again.

My heart does a little twirl as I press my cheek to his. “We’ve both made big mistakes.” I run my fingers through the back of his hair—a gentle caress. “But I’m learning to trust you again.”

“And I’m going to give you every reason to.”

His promise is so heartfelt and sincere.

Aw, man. I love him so freaking much .

With a soft giggle, I press my lips against his, joy bursting through me like a rainbow as I roll him onto his back and snuggle against his side.

Tugging the blanket out from beneath us, he makes sure we’re covered, then curls his arm protectively around me. I draw patterns through his light dusting of chest hair until my eyes drift shut and I fall asleep beside my man, the way I’ve dreamed of doing a thousand times before.