Page 50

CHAPTER 50

ZANDER

I stand in that parking lot like a fucking statue until someone slaps me on the shoulder.

“Hey, Zan. You okay, man?” Wily’s grinning down at me, oblivious to the nightmare I’m living.

Forcing a nod, I try to smile, but who the fuck knows what my lips are doing.

I just lost everything.

But all I can see is a girl lying on a bed, her dress ripped open, her limp legs spread wide. She was so fucking spaced out. Her body was loose rubber, so easily manipulated. She would have had no chance. The way Hodgkins was staring down at her like she was a tasty steak ready to be devoured. Boyle was lined up behind him, already unzipping his pants, and Williams—the guy who was supposed to protect her—was ripping off his condom and laughing. “Enjoy the ride, boys.”

I wanted to fucking kill them all.

“Zander?” Wily gives me a little shake. “You ready to go?” He points to his truck, and I gaze across the parking lot in a muddled daze. “Dude. Are you concussed?”

Wily bends down, and I blink at his worried frown, then shake my head.

“Nah, man, just… exhausted.”

“Yeah, I get it. You got yourself a beating tonight.” He slaps my shoulder, his laughter loud and grating. “You’re one tough little shit, though, aren’t ya? Come on, let’s go celebrate at Offside.”

“Not tonight, man.” I shove my hands into my jacket pockets, balling them into fists.

“Aw, I get it. Gotta get home to your girls.” He shakes his head with a grin. “How life changes, right? You’re a papa bear now. Gots to go look after your family.” He nudges me like this is the cutest thing ever.

And I can’t even crack a smile.

My family?

What family?

I just lost them.

Clenching my jaw, I nod and walk toward my car, only to realize that it’s not there. Sienna took it.

My shoulders slump as I start my walk home. The cold air hits my exposed skin, but I clench my jaw and ignore the urge to order an Uber. I just keep walking, not looking back when I hear Grady shouting after me, not even lifting my hand to wave my teammates goodbye.

How can I, when my mind is back at Kelsey U…

“You fuckers,” I growled, launching myself into the room and snatching Hodgkins’s shirt before he could bury himself in that girl .

He wasn’t going to take it easy—I could tell by the gleam in his eye, by the way he roughly parted her legs even wider, pushing her knees into the mattress.

I couldn’t let him do it.

I didn’t care that I was just a freshman and he was my captain. Like fuck he was going to rape that girl.

“Hey!” Hodgkins rounded on me, his glare hot and dangerous. “You better wait your fucking turn, Donohue!”

“You’re not touching that girl!” I shouted back before throwing an accusing glare at Williams. “What the fuck is wrong with you? She’s your girlfriend!”

Williams fired a warning scowl my way, but I wasn’t about to back down.

“What the hell did you give her, man!” I tried to push past Hodgkins to reach the girl before Boyle got his filthy cock inside her.

Shit, I couldn’t even remember her name. But I knew she had a sweet smile. She always looked at Williams like he hung the moon. He didn’t fucking deserve her. The poor girl probably thought she’d scored big, dating the captain of the football team. They’d only been together a few weeks. Was this his plan all along?

Fuck. How many other girls had he done this to?

“Stay out of it, man. If you don’t want to share the way we do, then that’s fine. But you mind your business and get back downstairs.”

“You sick fucks!” I shouted, launching myself at Williams like a feral dog.

I hadn’t even planned on coming upstairs, but I’d had way too much to drink and needed to piss. The downstairs bathroom was a cloudy weed den, and I could hear people screwing in the tub. So I came upstairs and passed the doorway, glancing through the crack and jolting to a stop. When I saw what was going down, I sobered up in an instant.

My knuckles caught Williams off guard, and he stumbled back.

Hodgkins tried to grab me, but I fought him off with a snarl, pouncing back on Williams, who was the biggest culprit in my eyes.

Who the fuck treats his girlfriend that way?

My insides raged as I managed to pin Williams down. He was the bigger man, but I was running on pure fury, and my fist became a powerful piston, driving into his face one blow after another.

Hodgkins eventually ripped me off and held me down while Boyle kicked the shit out of my thighs and stomach. Williams was out of it, lying prone on the floor while his loyal teammates hammered me until the police showed up.

The second the cops crowded into the room, Boyle started yelling that I was trying to rape Williams’s girlfriend.

“He roofied her!” Boyle shouted. “That asshole was raping her! Look!” He’d pointed at the unconscious girl, still fully exposed. “When her boyfriend tried to stop him, he went feral and knocked him out!”

Williams was just coming to, groaning in agony as I was rolled onto my stomach, my hands roughly cuffed behind me.

“You’re under arrest for assault and battery. You have the right to remain silent…” The rest of my rights faded into a hot fuzz as my face was smooshed against the ca rpet and Boyle kept spouting off heinous lies about what had gone down.

As I walk into Football Frat and climb the stairs, I realize that I will never get over this.

I may not have touched Williams’s girlfriend, but how many other girls had I touched my freshman year? Had all of them been willing? I was so fucking out of it at some of those parties, how would I really know?

I sat in that jail cell and hated myself with every fiber of my being.

I yearned for Sienna but knew I didn’t deserve her. I still didn’t know why she’d ghosted me at that point, but I knew as I rested my head back against that concrete wall that I couldn’t stay at Kelsey U. My path to self-destruction was about to drop me off a fucking cliff.

If I was accused of the lies they said about me, I was toast.

It was my word against theirs.

Pulling out my phone, I slump onto the end of my bed, my fingers shaking as I call Monica.

She was the one who paid my bail. She was my legal counsel.

She saved my ass.

“Hey, bro. Heard it was a tough game tonight. You doing okay?”

“She knows,” I rasp. “She knows the truth now.”

There’s a horrible pause and I sniff, waiting it out as my eyes burn. Resting my head in my hands, I fight the urge to start fucking weeping .

“How’d she take it?” Monica’s tone is soft and calm, the way it always is.

I usually find it soothing, but not tonight.

Shaking my head, my voice breaks when I say, “She looked at me like I was the scum of the earth and then took off.”

“What?” Monica’s voice gets sharp. “Did you tell her everything? What parts does she know?”

“It doesn’t matter, Mon.” My voice sounds old and rusty. “It’s over.”

“No, no, no,” she snaps. “Tell me exactly what you said to her.”

“I’ve lost her again.”

“Did you tell her about the part where you protected that girl? How you broke that motherfucker’s jaw for treating his girlfriend that way?”

“I never deserved her. Not after what I let happen.”

“You didn’t let anything happen!” Monica argues. “You saved her.”

“And how many didn’t I save?” I stare at the carpet. “How many times did I turn a blind eye, not wanting to believe the rumors? How many girls got raped because I didn’t?—”

“Stop it,” Monica cuts me off. “You’re not doing this to yourself again, do you hear me? You were cleared of all charges. You didn’t do anything wrong. And you are not responsible for not knowing what was going on.”

I sniff and shake my head. I should have known. I should never have cared about what those fuckwits thought of me. I spent most of that year trying to impress them, and for what ?

They turned on me the second I tried to do the right thing.

They tried to destroy my life.

“We got you out. You’ve had a fresh start. You’re a new man. And you are not going to let those fuckwits screw you over again, you hear me?”

“Monica—”

“No, you shut up and listen. You do not give up on Sienna again. She’s the one for you. She always has been. You have a daughter together, and like hell I’m letting you walk away from that because you feel like you don’t deserve them. That’s bullshit! Now, you call her and you tell her the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.”

I scrub a hand over my mouth before mumbling, “She’s gonna hate me.”

“She’ll hate you more if you don’t paint a really clear picture of what went down. You’re not guilty, Zander. Stop acting like the villain and start being the hero I know you are.” She huffs and mutters, “Shit, that sounds so fucking cheesy, but you know what I mean.”

Closing my eyes, I swallow down the vomit surging in my throat.

“Call her. Promise me you’ll call her.”

Knowing she won’t let up, I eventually nod and murmur, “Yeah, I’ll call her.”

“And be honest. She deserves it.”

A shudder runs through me, but I nod, then sniff and mutter a goodbye.

Hanging up, I stare at my phone screen, hovering my thumb over Sienna’s name .

One phone call. You can do it, man. Just explain and then apologize. Apologize a million times over.

Gritting my teeth, I tap Sparky on my phone screen, my hand shaking as I raise the device to my ear.

But she never answers.

I try three more times before I finally give up.

Kicking off my shoes, I lie down on my bed, that loathing that used to eat me alive taking over again, devouring my insides one greedy bite after another.

I eventually drift into a restless sleep… and dream about the girl I let slip through my fingers once again.