Page 64 of The Deviation
His breath hitches and a whine escapes his throat as his entire body goes rigid. And then he’s coming with rough, jerky motions. His release spills between us, easing the way for my own impending release.
When my orgasm hits, I give myself over to it. To him. Completely.
From this moment on, I am his.
* * *
I have no idea when the movie ended, but by the time my brain comes back online, the TV screen has returned to the promo photo. Reaching out, I grab the remote from the coffee table and switch it off. Darkness covers us, relieved only by the faint moonlight coming through the windows. It’s enough for me to see Cal open his eyes.
My lips twitch upwards as I look down at him, but the knot in my stomach has yet to ease. His change of heart happened so fast. It feels too good to be true. “Cal,” I whisper, brushing mylips over his. I want to ask the question, put voice to my fears, but it sticks in my throat.
“Johnny.” He lifts his head to press kisses against my jaw. His hands stroke the length of my body and I’m already getting hard once more at the feel of him stirring beneath me.
He captures my mouth in a deeper kiss, but my head is noisy and my heart unsure. With a reluctant sound, I force myself to pull away.
“What’s wrong?” Calum asks, running his fingertips over my furrowed brow.
“I need to know this is real, that we’re together now.” The words are harsh, urgent, in the darkness. “Tell me I don’t have to let you go.”
He relaxes with a sigh and cups my face in his hands, forcing me to meet his gaze. “If either one of us was capable of letting go, we would have done it already.” His lips curve, but the slight smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “We always end up right back here.”
“Here is where I want to be,” I insist, my hands tightening around him.
“I want to be with you, too.” His nod is solemn, but sure. “For as long as you’ll have me.”
We stare into each other’s eyes as the decision settles into place between us. This step we’re taking… it is real. It’s momentous. And it feels more right to me than anything I’ve done since that morning I woke up alone in my bed.
The reasons we had for staying apart are still valid. We’ll have to face them, eventually. But not tonight.
With a final, hard kiss, I start to sit up between his legs. Our stomachs peel apart in a sticky mess and we both laugh softly. Grabbing my discarded t-shirt, I make quick work of cleaning us up before urging Calum back into my lap. “Hold on to me.”
He wraps his arms and legs tight. “I promise, no letting go this time.”
A wide smile covers my face as I lever myself up off the couch. Damn, he’s heavy, weighing about the same as me. But I’m so high on having him in my arms, I barely notice.
When we reach the bedroom, I kneel up onto the mattress and lower him to the bed, following him down until we’re tangled together once more.
We explore each other at a leisurely pace. I spend time working him to the back of my throat, moaning at the heavy weight of him on my tongue and the combined taste of our earlier release. When he starts to keen, I pull off. He sits up, pushing me onto my back so he can return the favour. It becomes a game of sorts, the way we take turns bringing each other to the threshold, only to back off at the last moment.
Finally, when I can’t take anymore, I wrench the drawer of my bedside table open. A bottle of lube lands on the bed before I go back for a condom. Holding the foil packet between two fingers, I look at Calum. “I was tested three months after Ellie and I split. You’re the only other person I’ve been with. Hell, you’re the only other person I’ve kissed,” I add with a quiet laugh.” Swallowing, I force the rest out. “I understand if you’ve been with someone… or someones. We were apart a long time. You owed me nothing.”
I mean every word. Until tonight, he was a single man with the right to fuck whomever he pleased. That doesn’t stop jealousy from searing my veins at the thought of another man touching him, and when he reaches out to take the condom my heart sinks.
“There was no one for some time before my last test,” he tells me. “Then… after…” He tosses the packet back into the drawer and my breath hitches. “You still don’t get it, do you? When I laid eyes on you that night, it was like other men ceased to exist. I haven’t even looked at anyone else.”
A laugh falls out of me as I return to his arms, rolling us until he’s lying on top of me. “It was the same for me. You’re the only man—the only person—I want.”
He lowers his head to take my lips in a lingering kiss. “Only you.”
Smiling, I arch up into him. “Only you.”
When I push into his body a few minutes later, when I feel his heat enveloping and welcoming me, everything else falls away. There is only Calum. Me. Us.
* * *
“I don’t know how long we’ll need to keep this a secret.”
We’re side by side beneath the top sheet, legs tangled, faces inches apart on our respective pillows. I lift the hands we have clasped between us and place a firm kiss on Calum’s knuckles. “As long as it takes. We can’t do anything that will put your job at risk.”