Page 10 of The Deviation
Calum reaches for my left hand again, lifting it to draw my attention to my bare finger. “What happened?”
So many things, all of them slipping beneath my notice until it was too late. “We grew apart. She wanted me to give up my…” I trail off, because mentioning my music would bring an abrupt end to our evening. How is it I’m sharing my most guarded secrets with this man, and lying to him in the same breath?
Clearing my throat, I look away. “We started to want different things. Then one day she told me she’d fallen for someone else. Only it wasn’t a crush, and it didn’t fade. Then she left. For all our years together, our marriage lasted less than three.”
Saying the words is like prodding at an old bruise. It still hurts, but not the way it used to.
“I’m sorry that happened to you.” His brow is furrowed, his gaze warm with empathy. “You loved her very much.”
Nodding, I give a resigned smile. “I did.”
Calum takes a small step forwards, and although not a single part of him is touching me, I can feel his warmth. I crave it. “What about now?”
“Now that part of my life is over. It took a long time for me to make peace with it, but I think I’m finally ready to move on, make a new life.” I look up. The distant festival lights illuminate Calum’s face, lighting up the red of his hair. A smattering of freckles is visible on the bridge of his nose and across his cheeks. He’s perfect. Sexy. Magnetic. My feet shift as I give in to the pull and edge closer. “I’m ready to have new experiences.”
A slow grin breaks out over his face. “You want to kiss a guy.”
“I really do.” I exhale on a breathy laugh, my gaze dropping to his mouth. “I want to kiss you.”
The smile widens and he lifts a hand to trace my cheekbone with his fingertips. “I’ll need to be gentle with you. After all, when it comes to men, youarea virgin.”
My mouth falls open and a sound of indignation falls out of it, but the mischief dancing in his eyes seduces the crap out of me. “I suppose I am.”
His other hand joins the first and he cups my face. “I’m flattered you chose me, Johnny.” The way my name rolls over his tongue sets my body to quaking. “I mean look at you, so fucking hot with your nerves and your curiosity.” He lifts my chin, tilting my head back. The heat of his breath rushes against my throat and I gasp. “You could have had anyone you wanted.”
“No.” I manage to shake my head slightly, my hands sneaking up onto his biceps as my knees turn to jelly. “Only you.” He releases my chin so I can meet his gaze once more. “You were the only person in the room.”
His eyes widen with surprise, and then he takes a deep, shuddering breath. “It was the same for me.”
The heat between us sparks and sizzles. Our arms tangle around each other and why the hell are our lips not already touching? “Calum.” My voice is strained, needy, one whispered word away from begging. “Please.”
I’ve always imagined kissing another man would be instinctively aggressive somehow. A clash of testosterone-fuelled lust. That’s the direction my fantasies took on the occasions I indulged in them. The guttural sound of satisfaction Calum makes now seems to agree.
And yet, when his mouth meets mine, he is all tenderness and restraint. His lips brush across mine in firm, but unhurried, caresses. His tongue comes into play slowly, requesting permission before sweeping inside to tease and taste. It’s as if he’s easing me into this, testing my reactions.
At the same time, his arms imprison me in a strong grip. One hand slides up behind my neck to hold me in position for his coaxing. The other trails down my torso and wraps around my waist, pulling my body flush against his. On contact, my already panting breath escalates and an unexpected groan gushes from my throat.
I knew I’d love this, that I would get off on kissing a man. The taste of his mouth. The feel of his tongue. The musky scent and the shock of a hard dick. I can feel it now, pressing against mine through layers of denim and cotton. It’s all I can do to keep from grinding against him like a mindless animal.
Calum tears his mouth away, touching our foreheads together as we breathe in each other’s air. “Christ, Johnny. Your mouth should be illegal.” I give a hoarse laugh, sagging against him. “I’m serious,” he says with a grin. “A single taste could ruin a man for life.”
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I brush my lips against his yet again. “I could say I feel bad about ruining you, but I’d definitely be lying.”
I flinch at my own words, swaying on my feet as I pull back. In the thrill of the moment, I forgot all about my earlier deception—and the potential consequences of my dishonesty.
The rapid descent from ecstasy to regret must play out upon my face, because Calum’s smile dims. “What’s wrong?” he asks. “If we’re moving too fast we can slow down, it’s just…” he sighs into a renewed smile, “I don’t want to stop yet.”
“I don’t either but…” I stumble through a dozen hesitations. My white lie seemed harmless when we were talking. But this, what I’m doing now, is wrong. I glance around, making sure we’re still alone in our darkened spot before reaching out. Curling desperate fingers into the front of Calum’s shirt, I tug him closer.
My mouth covers his with hungry impatience. I’m a starving man in search of one last morsel before I’m cut off from the feast. “I’m sorry.” The words are forced out between kisses because I don’t know how to be the first to pull away.
“What are you sorry for?” he whispers.
My heart stampedes inside my chest. My breath is a panting, fluttering mess rushing between our barely parted lips. I wish we had more time.
“I’m the lead guitarist in a band. We’re performing here tomorrow.”
Calum withdraws, his brow furrowing as he stares at me in confusion. “What?”