Page 87 of The Ampersand Effect

Grier’s eyes shifted around her face. Tobin watched her bite the inside of her cheek, biting back words. Then Grier’s mouth trembled, tears threatening to spill. Tobin hadn’t known she was capable of it— but she felt herself shatter, laid bare in front of this beautiful human who looked at her with such aching compassion.

She didn’t want that power—to hurt Grier, even inadvertently. The realization burned. A sob rose in her chest, and she tried to swallow it down, to push Grier away, to flee to her room and escape the pain clawing at her throat.

But Grier held her there, pressing her head against her chest— against the rapid thrum of her heart. She anchored her in place. In her arms. She simply held her.

“You are not broken, Tobin. At least, not in the way your ex implied. We’re all broken, in one way or another—but that’s what makes us beautiful. We all break. That’s just our chance to remake ourselves, stronger and more resilient than before.”

Tobin couldn’t stop the traitorous tears streaming down her cheeks. Her thoughts raced. She already knew she was in fardeeper than she’d ever meant to fall—and with that realization came the startling truth that she would move literal mountains to keep Grier in her life. The awareness rocked her deep in her soul, and she felt a crack ripple through the fastidiously crafted wall she’d built around her heart… and crumble.

She knew Grier wouldn’t stop until she’d crashed through each and every layer of the emotional citadel guarding her heart.

Tobin wasn’t ready yet—but she knew she would be.

She was going to let Grier lay siege to her heart.

Grier brushed away Tobin’s tears with the backs of her fingers, then dipped her cheek to Tobin’s shoulder to wipe her own. Tobin felt her shift onto her toes, her lips grazing the salty tracks along Tobin’s jaw before kissing them away.

A shiver rolled through Tobin. The stirrings of arousal returned. She was acutely aware of their lack of contact. She needed to touch— and desperately wanted to know if she could be touched in return.

Tobin turned her head ever so slightly, catching Grier’s lips mid- kiss as she traced her tender train across Tobin’s cheeks. Grier hesitated for a breath, then melted into the kiss, her fervor unmistakable in the way she accepted Tobin’s open mouth.

But it didn’t last.

Grier pressed a palm to Tobin’s chest, putting a sparse few inches between them.

Outside, the rain came down harder, crashing against the windows and stirring an eerie ambiance that agitated Tobin’s already fragile nerves.

“Last weekend, when I touched you under your shirt, you shivered.” Grier’s pupils were blown, her face barely visible in the dim, storm-lit room. “I knew it wasn’t a shiver. You flinched. Right? I scared you when I… when I touched you.”

It was one of the most heartbreaking things Tobin had ever been asked to confirm. But she wouldn’t lie to Grier.

“Yes. I—” Tobin broke eye contact, her gaze darting anywhere but Grier’s face, terrified to see the hurt she’d caused. “I wanted you so… badly—but the touch was so intimate, so foreign. It scared me. I—I wasn’t ready.”

“But you let me keep touching touch you.” Grier’s voice rose, alarm threading through it. “You let me literally grope you, Tobin!”

The disgust in her tone was more than Tobin could bear. “No!

I wanted it. I swear!”

“Tobin. I know you did.”

The reluctant acceptance in Grier’s voice made Tobin brace for the rebuke she knew was eminent.

“But I second-guessed my own understanding of what your body was telling me. I compromised my better judgement because I wanted you, too. And we can’t do that. We’ll just end up hurting each other.”

Tobin could feel Grier’s eyes searching her face, waiting for a response.

“We have to able to tell each other to stop if we need to. We have to be able to communicate—even the hardest things.”

Tobin swallowed, her throat suddenly dry at Grier’s admonishment.

“Yeah,” she squeaked. “Okay. I—yeah, I promise.”

Grier continued to study her, unblinking. Then she gave a single, curt nod, accepting Tobin’s promise.

“Now, back to the immediate issue…” She paused, and Tobin’s heart skipped as she watched Grier’s expression shift—eyelids hooding, lips quirking, the full bottom lip caught gently between her teeth. Tobin noticed Grier tracking her gaze and understood she knew exactly what she was doing. And it was working.

Grier placed her hand on Tobin’s chest and pushed her back until she hit the wall, then tiptoed into her arms. She begantrailing kisses up Tobin’s neck toward her jaw while her fingers toyed with the collar of Tobin’s shirt, eager to roam.