Page 11 of The Ampersand Effect

“Then I think you need to ask yourself what you’re willing to do tonurtureyour spirit, instead of what youhavebeen doing.If you can answer that, then I think you’ll find the other answers you’re chasing inside that beautiful head of yours.”

Tobin sighed. “How’d you get so smart, LoLo?” She could only hope she’d be blessed with grandchildren that would one day come to her for similar advice.

Elodie drained the last of her bourbon, turned to her, and said in a husky whisper, “I chose to live. I hope you choose the same, child.

Four

Grier listened to the rush of blood in her head as she counted her strokes through the rock pool she frequented most mornings before work. She found an escape in the deafening quiet beneath the water, with the waves of Lake Aether crashing against the reinforced rock walls. The chilled water invigorated her, heightened her senses, and dulled her racing thoughts.

But it wasn’t working this morning.

Thoughts of Captain Maes pushed in from every angle. She couldn’t distract herself. It had been three days since their flight, and despite the ample work and family time, her free thoughts roamed back to the tall brunette with the stunning tattoos and sensual green eyes.

Last night, her dreams had left her wet and aching, startled awake by the force of them, pleading for release. Snippets of the visions danced behind her eyelids as she cut through the water: the captain’s green gaze holding hers, dropping to Grier’s full lips while she nibbled seductively on her own. The captain leaning in, tasting her, fingers skimming along her shoulders and down her arm. Grier tugging her close with the ends of her tie, their mouths colliding, hungry and insistent. Buttonsslipping free beneath her hands, shirt falling open to reveal warm skin—her fingers tracing higher, seeking out nipples she knew would be as hard and eager as her own.

Grier choked on the lake water, lost so thoroughly in the memory of the dream that she’d forgotten to breathe in reality. She sputtered, coughing as she stood in the pool, ripping her goggles from her face. She stood there, embarrassed despite her utter aloneness in the dark hours of the spring morning. She gasped for air she hoped would cleanse her mind as much as clear her lungs.

This was getting out of control. She didn’t know anything about the captain. Her fantasies were purely physical. She’d always been comfortable with her own desires, but she had never fallen for someone without at least a glimpse of her personality. This was new, and although the dreams were exceptionally thrilling, she hesitated to let them to continue. And—she felt a twinge of guilt fantasizing about a real person, sexualizing someone she honestly knew nothing about.

Butdamn, the dreams were intense. They rendered her fantastically aroused, and it was difficult to want to silence a libido that had been rather quiet recently. What could she do? She couldn’t consciously stop the dreams. Maybe if she didn’t resist, they’d run their course?

She exited the pool, tugging a towel around her shoulders to fight the cold wind off the lake. Her nipples were still hard after reliving her fantasy. She walked to the showers, hoping the heat would relieve the tension in her low back and shoulders, tight from arousal.

It might be the only relief I’ll get.

An hour later, she walked into the hospital break room carrying a box of doughnuts and a carton of black coffee. She often brought breakfast for her staff, happy to gain rapport as they updated her on cases and their lives.

“What’s this shit?” Alix accosted her, seated across from Maren at one of the tables.

“What do you mean?” Grier asked, depositing the breakfast on the counter and nearly collapsing into a chair between her friends.

“Your hair is still damp, and you look like someone ran over your cat.” Maren stared at her questioningly.

“I hate cats.”

“Irrelevant. What’s going on?” Alix pressed.

Grier fiddled with the pendant at her neck, weighing how much to tell them. She’d already replayed the entire encounter with Captain Maes to them. “I had a dream about the captain last night.”

She watched as Alix and Maren exchanged glances, both unsuccessfully hiding smug smiles as they both sat up and forward.

“Asexdream? Please tell me it was a sex dream!” Alix implored.

Grier looked at both of her friends. Begrudgingly, she crumpled forward, resting her head in her arms on the tabletop. “It was a sex dream,” she admitted, her voice pitched like a defeated child.

“Yes!” Alix squealed, ineffectively containing their excitement.

Maren tried a different tactic over their outburst. “Awe, honey. That good, huh?” She reached forward to sweep a stray piece of hair from Grier’s eyes. “She still hasn’t contacted you?”

“No. And I doubt she will.” Grier sighed, defeated. “I’ve got it bad. And I don’t even know her first name! She could be a deplorable human being, and I’m over here pining for her while she could be out there running over my cat. I’m pathetic.”

“A, you don’t have a cat,” Alix offered. “And B, she’s unlikely to be deplorable. She’s a bona fide SAR helicopter pilot. She literally dedicated her life to saving people.”

“Lie to me?” She pleaded, the question hanging in her voice. “Tell me she’s terrible so I can let this go.”

“That’s not how this works, honey. You have to let yourself do the things. Your soul obviously felt something kindred in her, or you wouldn’t be this twisted up about it.” Maren patted her hand sympathetically. “Can you reach out?”

Grier began shaking her head. “That’s not even all of it. There’s the other problem…” Grier trailed off, remembering the view from the cockpit of the helicopter—the one that included the photo of the gorgeous, younger woman. She still had no way of knowing who that was to the captain, or if the captain was even queer. Her body vibrated with the innate knowledge that the captain definitely leaned lesbian; the reciprocal advances at least offered that much information. “The photo of the woman in her cockpit.” She groaned and rolled her head further into her arms.