Page 58 of The Ampersand Effect

“Sounds quite perceptive, if you ask me.” Maren smiled knowingly.

“I didn’t, actually—ask you,” Grier teased. “But I’m glad you forced it out of me. I think I knew all those things, but I didn’t actually put it into words until it was coming out of my mouth right now.” She exhaled, feeling a little relief at having given name to her emotions. She smiled playfully. “You don’t charge enough.”

“My counsel-ship is free with friendship, honey,” Maren said, grinning. “And you didn’t need me for anything more than a sounding board. You already know what you want. I’m just here to help you wait it out until Tobin realizes what a catch you are.”

“You’re pretty confident she’s going to figure it out,” Grier retorted, reluctant in her own beliefs.

“She will. Plus—we both know good things come to those who wait.” Maren winked, and Grier felt a little of her anxiety subside under Maren’s calm confidence.

“How about we distract you a little? Alix and I have missed you.

You wanna grab dinner after work tonight?” “I’d love that.”

“Let me queer this out for you, because it is definitely incapable of being straightened,” Alix began their recap of Grier’s encounter with Tobin over drinks at their favorite bar, The [Fe] Bra (The Iron Bra). “Tobincallsyou like it’s 1998—then shows up at your house looking like a tall—but broken—drink of water. She begs you to caress said broken body, which you are actively seducing—with your very knowledgeable, very talented hands. She pulls you into the hottest reversed kiss of all time, sucks miraculous healing powers from your lips, then literally runs her no-longer-broken body up the stairs and leaves you fully unsated, sitting in your basement wet and alone? Does that about sum it up?” They look back and forth between Grier and Maren while chewing on the end of a cocktail straw.

“Has anyone ever told you that you missed your calling as a

court reporter?” Grier glowered, unimpressed with their embellished retelling of her story, but equally appreciative of their epically comical rewriting of the events. Her fingers unconsciously twiddled with the pendant around her neck.

“Come on! Grier!” Alix was pleased with themself. “Am I wrong?”

“No. Yeah, basically, that was a mostly accurate recap.” She maintained her glowering expression.

Alix laughed, tossing their chewed straw onto the tabletop. “You can’t make this shit up!”

Maren reached across the table to gently squeeze Grier’s hand as she tore at a napkin, giving her restless energy aquiet outlet. She was still feeling mildly humiliated after Alix’s theatrical recap.

All this storytelling only made it harder to push Tobin out of her mind. Thoughts of her kept creeping in. Every time a memory surfaced, Grier fought to suppress it, but the harder she pushed, the more powerful and persistent they became. Eventually, she realized she’d just have to let her mind wander. She decided to test the boundaries of hope, letting it settle in her chest. It felt heavy, weighted with uncertainty, yet edged with promise—one she hoped Tobin might eventually recognize as something worth exploring. But she knew she had to be patient.

Her thoughts shifted to Saturday. Theirnon-date, as Tobin had so clearly defined it. When the invitation to cook together had landed on her phone screen, Grier’s initial reaction was excitement. The addition of the farmer’s market only thrilled her more— it was a favorite pastime in the warmer months, especially after a late morning swim. She was just starting to bask in the warmth of tangible progress—an almost-date, a hint of forward momentum— when Tobin’s final text arrived, shadowing her in doubt once more.

She wanted this to be a date. She wanted to respect Tobin’s clear boundaries. She wanted to pursue her. But she also knew Tobin needed the space to transition emotion into action. What she didn’t know waswhy. She didn’t know where Tobin’s hesitancy originated, only that it had profoundly affected her ability to trust.

The lack of knowing settled in her gut like a grenade, the pin in her teeth. Her body braced instinctively against the inevitable explosion, against the want she’d gone so long without. She didn’t know what to do with this wanting, this restless ache checked by the very woman who stirred it.

Maren’s hand squeezed hers, pulling her back to the present. Grier met her gaze as Alix—oblivious to her unraveling thoughts— continued rambling nonsense about the sheer implausibility of the whole situation.

“She’ll figure it out, honey.” Maren said quietly, just for her.

“At this point, I’m not so sure. And even if she does, I’m not convinced I’ll be able to figureherout. I’m not certainshe’sfigured her out.” She looked at Maren, feeling the truth of her words settle between them. As easy as Tobin could be to read, she could be equally impossible to interpret once her walls went up.

“I’m worried I won’t be able to take on whatever ghost she’s hosting. If she even names the ghost for me… I don’t know if I can be that person for anyone else. I barely have my own demons tamed.”

“You never give yourself enough credit, Grier.” Maren withdrew her hand and straightened in her seat. “You are one of the most patient, supportive friends I’ve ever known. I can only imagine how those capacities expand when you direct them toward a partner. If anyone can pull Tobin out of… herself… it’s you.”

Alix, having stopped their muttering and rejoined the conversation, began passing out plates as the waitress arrived with their food. “Maren’s right. Joking aside, you’re one of the most determined people I know. And don’t even try to tell me you don’t already have a psychological chisel in a death grip, ready to chip away at Tobin’s façade the minute she gives you the chance.”

Grier smiled at her friends, accepting their praises as the truths she knew they were. “You guys are my favorites.”

“I think I’ve heard you dole out that compliment at least three other times today,” Alix teased, tossing a fresh napkin at her face.

“We know we’re your real favorites, though, honey,” Maren said, her smile reaching all the way to her eyes.

“You definitely are,” Grier replied, raising her glass to toast her friends.

Fifteen

“These are some big developments, Tobin. How are you handling them?”