Page 30 of The Ampersand Effect

But Eddie’s teasing ignited an ejection response, like a spark to kindling, and Tobin couldn’t control it.

Her thoughts began to spiral. She couldn’t pursue Grier. She’d fall—she knew that much was likely. And she’d inevitably fuck it up, like she always did. Her body already bore the scars that evidenced her relationship history. She didn’t want to risk adding more—or leaving scars of her own on someone else.

She couldn’t do this.

Tobin sat on the couch in the hangar, staring at the unanswered GIF message on her phone. Grier must have sent it before going to bed last night.Of course she had.Tobin doubted the doctor would leave the ball in her court—not after she’d essentially ghosted her following their first encounter. And now, Tobin was contemplating

doing the same damn thing. Her head was reeling from her own emotional whiplash.

GRIER—12:13 a.m.

[GIF Taylor Swift “Enchanted”]

Tobin watched the loop on repeat—Taylor spinning onstage in a purple dress, the captioned lyrics glowing across the bottom:I was enchanted to meet you.

She’d woken in her bunk at the hangar, finding it pointless to drive home only to have to be back by 0600 for her shift. But sleep had proven elusive. Her mind raced with memories of Grier, and her body thrummed with the echo of what their flirtations had promised.

Their chemistry was undeniable. Every time Tobin thought of Grier, she felt wholly combustible. When they were in the same room, she was seconds from igniting—an incendiary response to the desire eminent in Grier’s gaze, those amber-brown eyes that seemed to see straight into the depths of her soul. When they touched, it was like a heat storm beneath her skin—electric and tempestuous. She wanted to know what unhindered exploration of Grier’s body would do to her own.

With a sigh of frustration, Tobin clicked her screen off, leaving the message unanswered. She knew she needed to respond, to let Grier know she’d changed her mind. But the thought of cutting ties with her felt nearly debilitating. She didn’t want to sever the connection completely.

Maybe we could be friends?

Who am I kidding?

Grier clearly wanted more than friendship, and their unabashed flirting during every encounter indicated there was little likelihood of them remaining platonic. It was only a matter of time before one of them crossed that threshold, pushing them from seduction to action and irrevocably altering the dynamics of their relationship.

The cleanest option would be to end it before it began. She had to prioritize her goals, which meant focusing on her upcoming fertility treatments. As much as she wanted someone to share her life with, her career wasn’t conducive to partnerships. She’d learned that with Talia, and it wasn’t a lesson she wanted to repeat. It was too much to ask someone to wait at home while she risked her life saving others.

Once she had a baby, she knew she’d have to adjust her role at Parrish Aerial—a conversation she and Eddie had already had on many occasions. But altering her careerbeforemotherhood wasn’t something she was willing to concede just to maintain a relationship. Selfish, yes. But it was her reality.

Erik, Mike, and Jada—one of the newer flight nurses—approached, already suited up in their flight gear. She looked up from the couch, questioning their bustling activity.

Erik blinked at her. “Didn’t you hear the phone? We have a transport—small local hospital, preemie in respiratory distress. Needs a Level IV NICU admit, stat.”

“Shit. Okay. I’ll be ready in two minutes.”

She grabbed her phone before she could lose her nerve and typed a quick message. She didn’t let herself feel the hurt or disappointment she knew she’d have to address later.

TOBIN—06:19 a.m.

I can’t. I’m sorry.

Ten

Grier sat in bed, staring at her phone, the wordsI can’t. I’m sorry. imprinted on her eyelids like an afterimage she couldn’t blink away. She had woken with a soft smile, replaying the night before—her award, and the feel of Tobin’s lips against the back of her hand. She’d thought the message she’d sent before falling asleep was thoughtful, and a perfectly flirtatious end to their night.

Now, her heart felt like it had fallen straight through her chest and settled somewhere in her pelvis, heavy and aching.

What happened?It hadn’t even been twelve hours since their goodbye—which Grier had felt was on remarkably good terms. What did Tobin mean,she can’t?

Can’t what?

Can’t respond? Can’t handle a relationship? Can’t be an adult and offer an explanation?

She refused to respond. Sometimes the best response was silence. Let Tobin know she wasn’t worth the time—that Grier had already moved on.

So what if it was a lie.Fake it ‘til you make it, right?